During an interview with a celebrity who had been involved in the public eye recently. I heard her trying to defend, no…. explain, her latest relationship. One we all judged when we heard about it. She was married and he was married with kids. It was a horrible scandal and I was right there with the rest of them shaking my head in judgment. Though now, I feel that I have changed my point of view. Not on lying or cheating… but on understanding that sometimes things are unexplainable. The comment was made… “You can’t break what is already broken.” I stopped what I was doing and turned up the volume.
She was not slandering the spouses who were the scorned victims in the center of it all. She just owned the situation for what it was. And somehow I connected with her pain in such a raw place. What is that term, “Guilty with an explanation?” It seems to fit here, and yet, there really is no explanation. Stuff like this is not planned. No one starts out with a plan that is going to surely drag your name through the mud. They just don’t. But sometimes the unexpected creeps up on you like a Mack Truck.
When we are little and a toy breaks it remains at the bottom of the toy box. Just broken. Not really very useful, not even worth the bother of being thrown away. I have felt like broken toys at the bottom of the toy box before. Misunderstood and set aside. I don’t like that feeling. I am tired of feeling broken. I am tired of feeling responsible for my brokeness. As if I were being pulled out and held up and examined. Seeing the look of disappointment on your face as you search for the missing pieces. Hearing you tell me to “be more careful….” Wanting to scream … “I’ve always been broken” And…”You can’t break what’s already broken!”
Dec 22, 2012 @ 15:09:27
I wonder why I randomly get those video ads on my blog? I don’t see them on everyones… It is so annoying!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 14:32:53
I agree with Yaz… I was married twice and unfortunately went through the “being cheated on” experience… I am still on friendly terms with both because I had a child with each, and nothing is ever one person’s fault. I’m sure I didn’t annoy them on purpose, but I’m sure I annoyed them at times because they annoyed me as well. On my third try, there was no cheating, but a lot of “being taken for granted and emotionally abused”. Since we are all a product of our previous environments, I could understand why he was the way he was (it got worse over time) cuz he was raised by an abusive, alcoholic father. We did finally divorce after 10 years and he realized that I wasn’t so slack or whatever he had thought earlier. I got him to go to counseling for a year and then I let him move back in but wouldn’t marry him (I didn’t know that if they receive mail at your house that that makes it their house as well and you have to give them at least 30 days notice to get out)… Anyway, 5 years later after I decided he probably wasn’t going to go back to his old bad ways, I married him. Found out I had Breast Cancer 6 months later, but he stayed and was good. He isn’t perfect now, but neither am I so I’d say our marriage is a constant work in progress. sorry to be so long
Merry Christmas!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 14:50:45
Keli,
Thank you so much for sharing!!!! I guess we all have our stories. They are woven like a thread throughout our blogs.
BRIGHT IDEA!!!!!
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all got together… all of “us” who connect and actually wrote a book… of poems and stories of our surviving it all? What an amazing book… The WordPress Women!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 16:42:12
That is a fantastic idea. We could publish more than one volume, I know If just a few of us prayed about this and worked together, we might be able to pull it off. Imagine how wonderful it would be to read about our stories and offer them to others. I’ll be praying. Will you join me? I have a slew of source bloggers we could use. I’m sure you do too. :>)
Dec 19, 2012 @ 17:56:12
I am sooo excited. YES! COUNT ME IN!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 18:40:11
Let’s talk about this further.I’m going to contact a few of my blogging friends who have amazing stories about God’s work in their lives. My email is: stevesaw@gmail.com. I am on Skype at stevesaw3
Do you Skype? I don’t think I have your email.
Dec 19, 2012 @ 18:03:16
I’m at work right now… but I’m excited that you’re excited!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 21:05:18
Yeah!
Dec 19, 2012 @ 10:22:56
Having been both the cheater and the cheatee I no longer judge it. It is what it is and there are no baddies, just outcomes – extreme and painful unfortunately but not necessarily ultimately bad outcomes. I am confused though. I get the impression you think you are broken. How can that be? <3
Dec 19, 2012 @ 13:58:13
No wonder I connect with “you” on such a different level. You always say the right things. I guess…since you understand the part about where we stopped judging…it puts us on a different level apart from those who can’t understand. I guess, today I feel like I am not useful. I am the pieces at the bottom of the toy box… I don’t even want a Christmas tree, for the first time in all of my life. I have not gotten one.
But to answer your question…. Please don’t be alarmed… I kind of use my blog to vent… after a fight or just when I am feeling blue… I have to remember that suddenly people are listening lol. I used to be able to come here and write just for me. But now I need to be more aware. I forget that I have my loyal followers that might be alarmed when I am feeling particularly crazy or sorry for myself.
It kind of comes and goes… that feeling of being broken… I watch the news… or come back from a visit with our friend who has ALS and though I have experienced my own share of pain… realize how amazingly blessed I am… to not have to wake up with the horror of grief that the parents of those babies must feel or to even think about each breath that I take because a disease is slowly suffocating me… I am so blessed!!! So why is it that somehow I can’t find the joy? It makes me so angry with myself. But then I know this too shall pass and something wonderful will happen or I will just get past it and I will remember that there is a reason for the season and that HE is the “repairer” of all things broken.
Dec 19, 2012 @ 07:22:46
I love this post. I agree that when someone cheats, something is not right. Cheating isn’t the answer, but it happens because most of the time, people are scared to confront things. And when a marriage is over, one can’t blame the other woman/man. Sometimes the split, and the new partner come in handy because they make the one cheating realize what they’ve got, and what work is to be done. And the one cheated upon is also able to see what was missing. We blame when we’re in pain, which is why we pick on the outsider. Thanks for this. Good food for thought.
Dec 19, 2012 @ 07:44:38
Talk about food for thought!!! You just gave me a mouthful! Love it! Thanks for reading and being one of my favs!
XOXO