Definition of True Love; If I’d only known….


verse corinth13

As I have recently taken time  to work on my book and go back in my memories to gather information. It has been like therapy for me.  And what I have come to realize does not only apply just to young love but to true love….  It has boggled my mind that I have not figured this out until now! After living well into five decades, I am baffled that it has just come to me so clearly during this Valentine’s Day month….and it is this: There are two kinds of love. One is TRUE LOVE and one is… well, it is… just not! And in writing my book and amidst decades of confusion, and a few broken hearts, I think I may have figured it out.

Let me explain… I have been loved two ways in my lifetime (a few times) And there really are not a lot of options other than two. True love is loving someone  purely because you love them for who they are. Almost like a parent loves a child. It is an unselfish love. A hard to explain kind of love. A love you because of who you are kind of love. The second kind of love is a selfish kind of love. They do things for you to get something back. They give you gifts, they woo you, they promise you the moon… all for their own gain. Not that true love can’t give you genuine from the heart, unselfish well thought out gifts and promise you things to the moon and take you there too… but it is all in knowing which kind of love you are receiving and that my friends is where the trick comes in!

As you know, our emotions can get in the way and whether we are ten and writing notes or fifteen in the backseat of a car or fifty in the back seat of a car! Some of us just don’t stop and think. Age should provide a guage and for most of us it does, but sometimes our hearts have so many holes in them we just want that FAST fix-it job, trying to fill them up the best way we know how. And sometimes that does not mean with our brains kicked in or with a lot of patience.

I think that God designed love in this amazingly perfect way. He mapped it all out for us and and gave us the best example first. A mother’s love. The problem with that is… some mothers suck at loving. And sadly some even only give their children the second kind of love. They only know how to love selfishly and so they in turn don’t teach their kids how to love correctly and then their kids grow up to love other kids that may have had mothers that sucked at loving them and they find  each other in that messed up kind of loving way they have kids and so on and son… and well, we all know how messed up this world is. Even though God Himself has provided some pretty good Mother Love examples.

jesus mary

And if we do it HIS way and wait and get to know WHO we are loving, we could save ourselves a lot of pain. But then who does that? And even if some of us do… it is no guarantee that even if they had the best kind of mother’s love there wasn’t some glitch and they just didn’t get it! Arghhhh!!!!

I guess since this month is coming to a close and I didn’t really get a chance to blog about Valentine’s Day because I was so busy with my project on my other blog: http://kerisjournal.wordpress.com/  where I was feeling a little cynical there focusing on a relationship with a selfish kind of love and am coming to terms with a mother in that story that affected a lot of lives. I had to stop here and make a side note of how grateful I am for truly WAKING UP and recognizing TRUE LOVE for what it really is…. It is not what you can get out of it, it is what you can give, it is not how happy you are all the time, it is about how happy you can make the other person…. it may not always doing what you want… it may be bigger… like moving somewhere away from your friends and family for his or her job for a while,  or going on a vacation you really didn’t want to go on because they did… or letting them choose the restaurant or movie for a change… or even as simple as watching a differnt TV show and then not keeping tabs about who owes who, because love is not about owing. It is about giving and not needing anything in return!

love poem

 

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49 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Love, Life & Whatever
    Jun 16, 2014 @ 05:28:22

    I loved the spirit of the post….humble and serene..

    Reply

  2. Moore to ponder
    Mar 12, 2014 @ 06:39:54

    This one was timely, and convicting. I am so grateful that I read it. My goodness, this was good…one of those ones that leads to godly sorrow. Thank you for writing it.

    Love,
    Theresa

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Mar 12, 2014 @ 12:56:25

      Theresa,
      Convicting is such an inspiring word for a writer attempting to share a message.
      WOW. Do you GET how blessed I truly am by your comments?! Someday I’ll have to share JUST how much. But you and your words are like energy that keeps me in writer’s mode!
      Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart♡♡

      Reply

  3. benzeknees
    Mar 09, 2014 @ 19:03:49

    Thanks for following Benzeknees!

    Reply

  4. Ann Marquette
    Mar 03, 2014 @ 23:10:52

    You got it right Diane :-) Great post.

    Reply

  5. roughwighting
    Mar 03, 2014 @ 22:23:11

    Beautiful thoughtful post. And since you just visited mine, where I’m mourning the loss of my wonderful golden friend, I must add that our dogs/pets are also an example of true love. They love us, no matter what, and they’ll do anything to please us. Yes, as one of your readers said, Love is giving of yourself (human or dog) without asking for anything in return.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 01:45:16

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
      Prayers going out to you today.
      I know… our dogs are the only ones in the world who love us more than they love themselves.
      When you have time, as you begin healing a bit…. here is a story about when we lost our dog…
      Sometimes just knowing that others understand helps a little.
      xoxo

      http://dianereedwiter.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/unexpected-love/?relatedposts_exclude=1332

      Reply

      • roughwighting
        Mar 04, 2014 @ 14:09:39

        I just read your post and responded there. Tears still falling on my computer table, matching the outside SF bay rain. Lovely, poetic, truthful, heartfelt post.

        Reply

        • coastalmom
          Mar 04, 2014 @ 14:41:41

          Oh we are both west coast gals. Hopefully the rain will hit us here too! I lived in San Mateo as a kid!
          Goes to prove its a small world♡
          Thank you for taking the time to read that other post.
          Time does ease the gap left by our special friends. I promise♡ Though I understand the new rawness of it all.I am still not ready to do it again. Protecting my heart.
          A crazy kitten / cat adopted our home and Buddy about a year before he got sick… perhaps God’s way of not leaving us all alone right during my empty nest time of life.
          Hugs. So glad I have followed♡

          Reply

  6. stephanieliselamoureux
    Feb 27, 2014 @ 21:13:49

    It’s been a while since I visited your blog and it never fails to amaze me with how introspective your posts are. Wonderful writing on what love truly means. We all deserve love. Unfortunately, we are not always loved well. But at any age we can look back at the wisdom of each relationship held, and learn. Sometimes forgiveness is needed. Love is defiantly not selfish, that is evident. Owning never pays off, it dies eventually — I know! I much visit your second blog…. What is it about…. I’ll check click and see! ~ http://kerisjournal.wordpress.com/ ~ cheers

    Reply

  7. coastalmom
    Feb 27, 2014 @ 06:12:29

    Hey guys for those of you who tried to access my other blog, (Thank you Mari for letting me know there was a problem to my link!) I fixed my link and here it is also:

    http://kerisjournal.wordpress.com/

    For those who would like to go and check it out…. Read the ABOUT first and then start at #1 and work your way to the current one as you have the time…
    Thank you for your interest! I would love as much feedback as I can get!
    xoxo

    Reply

  8. Mari
    Feb 26, 2014 @ 21:59:22

    Ah, love!! I love love!! ;) I think that may be the problem with a lot of people. When we haven’t experienced real love, we tend to fall in love with the illusion of love instead and we confuse all that other stuff with it. That is how we end up broken hearted! Aren’t we lucky to have grown enough to know the difference by now? ;)

    I always enjoy reading your posts, Diane! I tried the link to your other blog but it didn’t work! I’d love to follow you there, as well!

    Much love,

    -Mari

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 27, 2014 @ 06:01:40

      Mari,
      Knowing you are reading is a gift!
      Thank you for pointing out the link error.
      I fixed it!
      Just so you know, it is best to read the ABOUT so you understand it and then when you have the time to start at #1 and work your way up as you have time. I am not sure if it will make much sense otherwise. :)
      Thank you for your time!
      xoxo

      Reply

  9. Ava Elizabeth Wisdom
    Feb 25, 2014 @ 15:15:57

    Wow… thanks for making me cry, lady! LOL! At this very moment I am walking through some stuff that has me really confused. And what if your mother and your father sucked? Good God. I recognize that I don’t really know how to love or be loved the right way at all. I’m working on it, but it sure is rough, digging up bones.

    I miss you. I posted yesterday… It was my first post since June 7, 2013. I have been up a guy’s ass, I’m ashamed to say. I thought I loved him…but that couldn’t have been love. Anyway, I mentioned your name in my post and was thinking about you and hoping that you were still accessible. I miss you, my friend. I pray that you’re doing exceptionally well.

    -Ava

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 25, 2014 @ 16:38:36

      I have kept you in my prayers! I knew that God was not letting you go. I prayed especially for your kids. I know how much you love them but sometimes when you are in the midst of your blips they sometimes get lost in the fog of it all. Fortunately my blip happened after my nest was empty. But I went through it too.
      It is very freeing when you finally can just shake yourself and say ENOUGH! And clear the baggage!!!!
      We can all recognize the fact that some of us may not have had the best starts in life or love but once we have done all the realizing… we can either use our past and our childhoods as reasons to hold us back or remove the chains and actually run like the wind far away from the old and embrace the new.
      God is not done with you yet. HE has given you this amazing brain and it shows in your writing. You have tools and the ability to use them. I know God has someone wonderful for you… a Godly man that you won’t even have to look for… You will bump into him when you are ready and not even looking!!! But for NOW you are right… this is your time… getting back to what is truly important and that is your spiritual walk and your kids!
      Stay strong!
      xoxo

      Reply

      • Ava Elizabeth Wisdom
        Feb 26, 2014 @ 05:02:41

        See? Now read the response that you wrote to me again. Do you even know that I can feel your love, support, your faith in me, and your encouragement. I “know” you believe in me. I feel it so strongly, and I “receive” it!

        And you know, God’s love for us is similar to the way you love me. Your love is gentle, consistent, and unchanging. So is His. You speak truth to me, but never condemn me, thus building me up and making me want to do better. So does He. And no matter how far away I wonder.. no matter how long I’ve been gone… You’re there with these warm, welcoming arms to celebrate my return. So is He. Am I lucky or what?

        I love you, Miss Diane. You make me feel closer to God and inspire me to be all that He has purposed for me.

        Reply

  10. kelihasablog
    Feb 24, 2014 @ 20:41:25

    Excellent post! I know what you mean… just the other day I was telling my sister that I honestly didn’t think she had a clear understanding of what love really is.. I’m not going to repeat it, but I believe exactly as Louise said… Love is in the giving, and not expecting any payment or praise for what we do for others… :D

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 24, 2014 @ 21:51:35

      Keli!
      I love seeing your face!!!!
      I think you kind of know when someone gets it and they don’t. When you figure out love… and it may not happen for many years… so give your sis a break… ;)
      It is kind of like seeing through them to their heart. I know that when I was going through my blip a few years ago… a few of my friends that I know understand true love, looked at me pitifully with these blank looks knowing I was lost.
      But once you really GET it… it is grand!!!! :)

      Reply

  11. Carolyn Page
    Feb 24, 2014 @ 19:33:53

    Life is messy…! Life is a challenge. If it were not, it would be awfully boring… ;)
    Into my fifties I found love; it sure was worth waiting for. Not that I didn’t want it earlier; it’s just that I didn’t find the man who was capable of loving me until then. He has proven himself over and over again. He cares for me when I’m well, he cares for me when I’m ill. He is a constant in my life that I’ve come to know I can trust. I didn’t have that growing up; I didn’t know what that looked like. Today is a pretty good day knowing that I have his back, and he has mine.
    As you’ve written, Diane; true love is unselfish; and yet we are given so much.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Apr 27, 2014 @ 17:54:38

      Carolyn,
      I am so behind on my comments but I am determined to find all the ones that slipped through the cracks. And I always love yours! My cousin has a similar story. She traveled and had/has a very successful marketing company has bought homes on her own and loved and lost a few times but never married. In her mid forties she met her husband and their love story is awesome. I think yours is a great story. I feel when we are older we appreciate true love more even if we still act like teenagers at times as we fall in love. ;) Thanks for sharing! I loved it! Sorry it took me so long to make myself just sit here and find all the comments I missed! Only 26 more to go! I am almost halfway there! lol.
      xoxo

      Reply

      • Carolyn Page
        Apr 27, 2014 @ 23:17:47

        Happy ‘catching up’, Diane.. ;)
        It was so sweet to read your reply this morning; I’d forgotten how poignant this post was; and it was lovely to read the responses again…

        Reply

  12. AmazinglyBrash
    Feb 23, 2014 @ 13:55:22

    Love starts with understanding what we have to give. If we understand what we have to offer we won’t feel the need to offer any more or any less. Love is about finding someone that makes you feel found. Its cuddling in the idea of a warmth that you wish everybody else to feel. Love is a faith that we need to be faithful too. Its about give and take, passion and compromise; it’s about hugging someone that hugs you back with the same strength…,Love is my religion….True Love is about truth. Its being confident that you gave your heart to someone that is truly offering theirs. It isn’t a thinking lifestyle but a believing Lifestyle. I am taking all the kisses, loving, smiles, stares, and heartbeats. Love is understand that your partners truths will never make you feel misunderstand again.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 24, 2014 @ 21:47:30

      Wow At first I was thinking… Hmmm OVER my head… but then I think I really understand the part about true love making you feel as if you are found.
      But if I may go one step even further, it is still feeling found after the newness is worn off and the years have gone by and you are all settled in with everyday life and feel you are where you belong!
      Thank you for your in put!

      Reply

      • AmazinglyBrash
        Feb 24, 2014 @ 22:36:33

        Being found consist of the understanding that newness doesnt get old….it become a place you live in. It may need cleaning, repairs, and become cold where there was once heat….but it’s your home and the idea of losing it cripples your existence!!!! Glad I can put in!!!!

        Reply

  13. Carol Balawyder
    Feb 22, 2014 @ 15:08:03

    I didn’t realize you are the author of kirisjournal. Such a difference from this blog. Yes, true love is about unconditional love, loving deeply and more, whether it be a child, spouse, parent or friend.
    Have a love filled weekend.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Apr 27, 2014 @ 17:57:16

      Carol,
      Another one that slipped through the cracks! I am working my way through all the comments that I missed two months ago! I guess now you have already proven to be such a wonderfully loyal reader of both of my blogs! Thank you!
      xoxo

      Reply

  14. becwillmylife
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:49:19

    I didn’t have a lot of material things growing up, but I always felt loved.
    I saw the respect my mom had for my dad and he for her and that was my reference point for what love was supposed to look like. It wasn’t about breaking someone else’s will or trying to change or manipulate them. I’m glad I had good role models during my formative years. I agree with you 100%…our moms but I also think our dads are our first teachers on how to give and receive love.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 22, 2014 @ 04:01:26

      Becky,
      I agree with you! My daddy was a great role model for me too. I was blessed in a house with love. And for the most part respect. Though I feel my mom was a bit of a Polly Anna and my dad ruled the roost but as love goes… I think they gave me a pretty good template. I think as I have gone back and been working on my other project, I have realized that the mother of the boy in the story damaged him horribly and in turn he became abusive. His father wasn’t the best example and fell just short of abusive as well. And it made me really take a look at how love should be and how hard it might be for those who didn’t have the best examples to figure it out.
      Thank you for reading!
      I agree! Love is way more than about the material things!

      Reply

  15. grandfathersky
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:36:51

    Agape, Philos, and Eros are the three words the Greeks used to define the expression of love. What you have found hare is Agape – the greatest love of all … Blessings to you in this Valentine’s season – and Love – of course – the greatest love of all – Agape

    Reply

  16. writerwannabe763
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 01:47:30

    Sad that so many grow up into adults and believe the ‘self-gratification’ promoted so freely… especially in the media… do what makes ‘you’ happy… not the other person.. When God commanded us to love God first and then our neighbour like we love ourselves..He ‘didn’t say Love God, Love Yourself and then love others..His second commandment was ‘others’ … It was a given that our human nature wants to put our own needs first and foremost but He said otherwise.

    Just my thought… Diane

    Reply

  17. nataliescarberry
    Feb 20, 2014 @ 18:24:48

    I read once that the hardest lesson to learn is that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. Each of us learns to love from those around us and if their ability to love is limited or damaged then our ability to love will be the same.
    That’s why it’s good to experience love many times over, so that like you we can come to an awareness of what true love is or is not. You are right that it is about giving and not expecting anything in return, but I’ve found that it is also about forgiveness and the acceptance of human imperfections. May your day be filled with all the love you need. Blessings, Natalie :)

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:44:04

      Natalie
      THAT is so perfect! And that is what i think I have come to realize and may ultimately end up having my ending message of my book being. There is a program in this country where young people share with each other where they have come from and it is so life changing. Bullies and jocks, nerds and popular kids… all get together and share where they have come from. It is called IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME and it shows them how everyone is not so different and pain is pain and it helps them accept one another.
      Recently, I had someone come back into my life to ask my forgiveness. I’d had a script for that person ready for over thirty years… ready to tell them off… in the end… I forgave and it felt so good. I was able to see how damaged he was and why he’d done the things he’d done and how he’d been hurt as a kid. So I do know what you mean.
      My message though… is to not accept abuse.
      I did as a young girl. It really messed me up. I mean really. I am just now rising above it all. I want to help empower young girls and women to know they always had the power. ;)

      Reply

  18. D.G.Kaye
    Feb 20, 2014 @ 18:02:27

    Summation: Unconditional love. Where we love and accept for all we are, beauty and flaws. Sometimes it is easier to see the picture in retrospect my friend but it is never too late and you are there! I agree with a mother’s love as our first lessons on love, as you have read and understood my book, I am grateful that I didn’t have to wait half a life-time to realize things weren’t right where I came from. xo

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:33:02

      Debbie,
      I thought about you when I wrote this. You are the example of being able to rise above a mother’s selfish and wrong example and prove that you can break the cycle and start a new and better one. You are one of my biggest heroes! And I love you for it! And not because of anything you can give me but because of who you are period! It is so freeing when you finally grow up and just love people because of who they are! And yeah… you know it… unconditional is what it’s all about!

      Reply

      • D.G.Kaye
        Feb 22, 2014 @ 00:35:22

        You are too kind with your praises Di but I thank you and I am truly touched. I just felt I had to comment on your article, particularly on the mother issues. Yes, I consider myself blessed with foresight for if not, I would surely have wound up like a cliché. When I look at what I have overcome in life and can still see the blatant damage left on my siblings, I am grateful to be happy, to be compassionate and most of all not to carry luggage. xo

        Reply

        • coastalmom
          Feb 22, 2014 @ 13:35:28

          Debbie,
          I have to wonder why some can rise above the pain as you did. And others never seem to get over it.
          I mean it definitely is about strength.
          But…
          I guess it’s also about being weak weak.
          And in the end the strength of that person’s character that makes the difference.
          YOUR character exemplifies strength and Good and hope.

          Reply

          • D.G.Kaye
            Feb 22, 2014 @ 15:34:54

            Thanks again for the recognition Di but I would also like to add that being strong willed if half the battle and although I never went for any type of therapy, I had a wonderful support system of my two best friends who helped me come out of my shell and brought me into the world of life and laughter and love. I was one of the lucky ones! xo

            Reply

  19. Fully Rely on God
    Feb 20, 2014 @ 17:46:14

    Such eloquent writing. It reminds me of when I read a specific passages in the bible to gleam an understanding. Then read the same passage a second time and get a totally different understanding and so on. Each time I read and have a different understanding means it was not the season for the understanding to be revealed.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:28:11

      THAT is one of the best compliments I think I have ever gotten!!! Thank you! To even semi reference a speck of anything I write as something that reminds you of God’s word makes me want to fall on my face and cry before HIM! I pray that I can be inspired by God’s messages and try to write my own interpretations as much as possible but am afraid I fall short daily!!!!! I think I love a good metaphor because Jesus uses parables a lot. I love your heart and courage your own story inspires me! I am honored that you even take time to read my words!!!!
      xoxo

      Reply

      • Fully Rely on God
        Feb 21, 2014 @ 03:35:15

        You are welcome! Be bold in your writing. You have a great writing eye embrace it and walk in it. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you! All the glory belongs to God!

        Reply

  20. Louise Gallagher
    Feb 20, 2014 @ 15:27:18

    Like you, I believe Love is in the giving, of myself, without expectation of receiving. Love is limitless – it doesn’t judge how well we love, how much, or how little. It just is — we, the humans who express it are the one’s who make it challenging to give, and to receive. :)

    love the joy in your post. So beautiful — like you!

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Feb 21, 2014 @ 02:01:07

      Louise,
      Wow,
      I came back to such thought provoking responses to this post. I love it. There are a few of us that especially come to mind when I think of those learning how to love later in life and I love your description. You always teach me in everything you write! I think your teachings have led me to many of my aha moments!

      Reply

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The Mental Picture

Stories are a sneak peek into someone's imagination. This blog is an open window into mine.

Caged No More

Sometimes our hearts become imprisoned by our very own minds. Open yourself up to the idea of release. We can escape all that binds us.

laurnaguistepublicist

A topnotch WordPress.com site

Wendt Worth Corgi's Weblog

Latest news, etc...

Mark ND Photography

Painting With Light

Love, Life and Whatever

My Guide to Life and the Way to Live is to Love.

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