Last year I lost 50 pounds. This year I gained back 20ish… give or take a few depending on which sorry day I finally decided to step on the scale. I could pat myself on the back and tell me “that’s okay, you still lost 30 or find that magical “click” within,  that I found last year. I think we all know the “click” I am talking about. For me it was an irate driver that had barreled out of nowhere to cut me off in traffic spitting out cuss words that an obstinate teen ager should have been ashamed of let alone man in what must have been his late sixties. Funny thing is, my doctor or health conscious friends didn’t encourage me as much as that pathetically out of control poor soul that called me a “fat” bitch. In-between all the swearing and spitting, the one thing I heard was fat and you know what? If a stranger with issues won’t tell you the truth, who will?

My point is that every time  I have felt that “click” which is my very own custom made  AHA moment, I have been able to keep up the pace until something causes me to stop. It has happened to me enough times to make me really want to dig in and figure out how to bottle that “click” and to keep swallowing that metaphoric pill that challenges me.

After that day, I shared the story of that pathetic little man whose words may have been pulled out of his own rage but how it truly effected me, with a friend at work. She wanted to lose her own few pounds so we began walking, joined Weight Watchers together and then the gym. I kind of started out slow. Sure, I lost the first week worth of water weight. I have been known to lose 8 pounds in the first week and then it slows down. But this time, my friend  rather cluelessly, brought me her fat clothes that she was growing out of. Ha! It was the one kick in the butt I needed! In the end, it was kind of like the tortoise and the hare. She stopped at ten and I went on to fifty! And that is when I realized, I am competitive! So competitive!

And looking back at last year, I realized that I challenged myself to lose fifty pounds. I wanted to lose twenty more but once I hit fifty, something happened. I set a goal for myself. It could be a certain number or a size I want to reach or a dress I want to fit into or an event I want to look good for and once I have reached that goal…. I kind of have a spiraling down, melt down pattern. But all this contemplating the why and hows  have made me realize that I am truly competitive. Even with me. I don’t need to beat the other guy. I can even challenge myself as I set new goals. Weight Watchers worked for me because I had to be accountable and weigh in each week. I need accountability.

This new little fitbit contraption that was gifted to me last month works in a similar way. It has made me try to beat myself. I can weigh in at home. I can monitor my life style and perhaps finally figure out that the challenge is just to be healthy. That is one that I haven’t mastered quite yet. To look good for me. To feel good for me. To just be better for me. To stop fighting myself. To stop competing with myself. To just begin to be the best me I can be. It’s not a click or magic. You can’t bottle it as a pill. It is finding that place inside of you that is filled up from the inside out!

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7 thoughts on “FROM THE INSIDE OUT

  1. Weird that I don’t see the comments you are responding to. Also I hope the italics go as they are very annoying. While I’m being a 55-year-old with issues, the graphic at the top where your menus are, the words “Spiritual”, “Self Awareness”, “Hope”, and “Memories” are all fighting for attention against the graphic. The text in the articles are easy on the eyes with the textured background but the right side of your menus just look bad.

    Tough love. I like you enough to tell you there is spinach in your teeth.

    Really well written once again. I didn’t trip up anywhere so from that I say the writing was solid all the way through. A very easy read and I mean that in the very best way.

    You made me think: I have just recently blogged about resolutions and how something triggers me to start accomplishing. What just hit me out of the blue that I was not ready for was the idea of a trigger that would stop the juggernaut. If there is a starting influence then must not there be a stopper? You got me. Revelation of the day at the very least. I need to meditate and reflect.

    You do imply that exercise causes weight loss and I’m willing to have long drawn out arguments about that. Exercise for fitness, diet for fat control. Period. I intentionally lost 65 pounds and did not get up off my fat ass until it was a skinny ass. I tried exercise in isolation and it did not work at all. I researched and found what works and now when the mood strikes me I write about it. Weight Watchers is what did it, not the exercise.

    I will stop now or I will go on for many thousands of words.

    I almost forgot to click “like”. I refuse to do the rating thing, I have words that serve me better.

    1. I know… that is so weird, I don’t see who I am replying to either! lol.. the voices in my own head perhaps?
      Anyway don’t tell me you were born in 57???
      It is so funny that you brought up the exercise thing. When I owned my store. I lost 40 something… going to Weight Watchers and just working in my store. I didn’t even walk regularly like I did the last weight loss bout. I just climbed up and down ladders, changing displays and just doing the tasks that come with owning a store but I did have that argument with a WWs blogger. It was kind of sad and I was kind of mean so don’t give me too much “NICE GUY” credit too quickl! 😉
      This gal was telling me that there was NO way anyone could lose weight without an actual exercise program. It was the kind of site where we all had our stats next to our names. Well, I am known to be able to lose weight pretty fast if I do exactly what you mentioned… she attacked my opinion and so I am afraid to say that I hit below the belt and commented on our stats. She had lost 9 pounds in 7 months and at that point I had lost about 35 in less than 3. I said… well, I kind of think that regardless… something was working for me and her… not so much.
      She later said she actually talked to her husband about our conversation and that it had upset her so much that she was closing her account and I was shocked and told her I never meant for her to take me that seriously and I would leave and let her have her place in the blog since she was there first.
      I really did feel bad that a stranger’s opinion could effect her so much. But seeee I wasn’t so nice. But my point is, I agree with you. Not sure at my age I can lose as fast without my walks now. A year ago, I was actually jogging when no one was looking! 😀

      1. Some people put on and lose weight more quickly than others. I think there are different causes and that carbs are just the one that affect most overweight people. My wife doesn’t drop weight like I did, but then when in the thick of it she did want to go to Dairy Queen and I sat there and watched her eat a sundae — I drove, I paid, and I got nothing and just sat there and casually watched. I have that kind of self control, just don’t torture me, I can’t stand any level of pain at all.

        For appearance I think some light muscle tone is very attractive. It might even firm up the tummy. My doctor told me to stop losing weight and I grabbed a fist full of stuff near my navel and I said “what is this, then?” and he said, “we call that skin in the medical field.” It was fat, but I did stop and now I have a line where if I am below it I eat whatever I want and if I’m at or above it I ease back. I always eat an ultra-low carb breakfast because I love eggs and bacon.

        Tomorrow!

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