A child is supposed to feel safe. And yet if that is the case, why are so many adults in therapy?

Some people had wonderful childhoods and were raised with caring and loving parents who taught them right from wrong, others had good parents and comfortable childhoods and their parents made mistakes but did the best they could. And still, others had horrific childhoods and terrible parents and seem perfectly fine. And yet all of these people have one thing in common. An inner child who is still there.

Recently, I have gone through a process of recognizing my inner child. She is the one who doesn’t trust because those who she trusted hurt her. She is the one who was never allowed to talk about her anger and so she learned how to lash out. She is the one who always wanted a voice, and now speaks too loudly sometimes. She is the one who felt so out of control most of her life, so that now she needs to control EVERTYTHING!. She is the one who was disappointed and so only sees the negative in things so she will never be disappointed again.

Ahhh, that feels so negative. It really isn’t. My inner child remembers the great things too. She loves to learn and organize and create and run and laugh and play. She has a special handful of friends that she trusts with her life and would do anything for. She always looks forward to a good time. She is in there too, all of her. Experiences and memories, Lessons and moments, all moving her along like editing a motion picture.

Stop and close your eyes and find your inner child. Who is he or she, really? If we all got a chance to go back and meet each other’s inner children, and really understand where the guy who cut you off on the freeway or the back stabbing, coworker at work first began, perhaps maybe we would have more compassion for all of them.

The little girl who was always worried that her Daddy wouldn’t get home safely because of his drinking, the little boy who felt brushed aside because his mother was too busy getting ready to go out. The kid who always heard fighting and never knew when the next explosion would take place. The little step son who never could do anything right, the kid who always waited for his dad to show up when each time he never did.

Always lonely, always worried, always brushed aside, feeling unimportant, abandoned,  the one who started out not fitting into his own family, always seeking the perfect place where he could feel as if he belonged. The little girl who had to grow up fast because she wasn’t allowed to be the child. Always fixing, always nurturing.  Always performing, and yet she was just a little girl, but today not quite a grown up.

And yet the parents that did come through, the other family members who stepped up to the plate when they were needed most, the friends and mentors, the teachers, the ones who gave them a voice, the protectors and rescuers, of those who were lucky enough to have them, all MADE A DIFFERENCE.

Today, if we look inside of ourselves, we all can find a piece of that child still lingering inside of each of us. Perhaps if we all reached out to just one child we recognized as hurting, and began mentoring instead of criticizing, hugging instead of scolding, teaching instead of berating, sharing with instead of rushing away, we might just break the cycle and begin to lead the way, to find the children and to become the protector, the mentor and the difference maker, in a way helps lead the child inside of them to a place where we all can grow up and be someone else’s hero. Because…. all of those children eventually grow up to remember the difference makers in their own lives and hopefully, someday will grow up to  become somebody else’s hero.

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13 thoughts on “The Difference Makers

  1. I was wondering if I was going to buy into your logic at first, and then I did. I’ll just opine for a minute and then move on to the next one.

    I have often wondered what qualifies two people to be parents. It seems if there should be training and a license and regular recertification but such a system would fail itself. I see so many people who seem to be failing as parents just as they fail as pet owners.

    I was not abused, I did not go hungry, but I was never nurtured. Even as a young child I felt I was smarter than my parents and I suspect they felt the same. I would write a story and proudly show them and they would read it and then flat out tell me, “I don’t know what to do with this.” How about just saying regardless of what you think, “That was really good honey, go make me another one!” Is it really that hard to be supportive?

  2. Brash~
    That was profound! Thank you for taking the time to go back in my archives! You can tell that I didn’t get social till the last few months so a lot of my current followers have missed the first days of my writing. Guess if I get lazy I can re-blog some of them and they will never know the difference. lol.
    But yeah… I went back and got my inner child recently…. One of my “looking back” problems ~ thinking maybe if I get closure I can find her and stop looking back. I kind of also wrote this because my son is dealing with step kids and I wanted to prick his heart so to speak… I made sure that he had Difference Makers in his life… I was trying to inspire him to be one…. sly ole’ meddler that I am… =)

    1. Oh Ok….got it!!!! I have been re-blogging things, so I guess I am lazy. I still write daily, I just believe my old writing is still relevant, now that I have triple the followers they might enjoy my past work. I promised you I would look at your past writing so I did. I am a very dedicated person and when I give my word; I give my life!!!! Plus it was a nice read….I enjoyed it from beginning to end!!!!

  3. That was beautiful….my inter-child is not much different. He is compassiate and loving, he is a leader always thinking about the whole. He is a little angrier than the adult he has grown to be, because he lacks the understanding that something are out of his control, he fight with his hand as oppose to his speech, he is a faithful child that questions God in search for the right answers to “why hate exist when the alternative is so much better”. He is search for the adult he has become. He is proud of himself and dedicates every ounce of his accomplishments to his mother for not break his heaven though he gave her hell. Parents are guess and getting older would be the only testament of whether they guessed right!!!!

        1. It means that sometimes I am a ditz and I just reply and if you never go back to check if I did… you don’t get notified… but if I click on reply on your reply you will see what I said. NOW THAT makes less sense… glad I cleared it up for ya? lol.
          Anywaaaay~ I replied to you… it is just above…on this site… not necesarrily one you may go to again so you wouldn’t see it… Got it? 😀

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