There comes a time when we all reflect upon different things in our lives. We find ourselves at that proverbial fork in the road, that metaphoric mirror, the hour glass that symbolizes everything that came before and suddenly realize how quickly it all seems to have passed us by. It is that point in time when we realize that we stand at a crossroads and make ourselves take a long hard look at the choices we have made and who we are.

I have decided that I am going to stop looking back. I am going to embrace today. I can’t change any of my choices. I can’t go back and un-do anything I have done. And yet I am finally at a place in my life that I am beginning to appreciate. In all of my rubber necking and looking behind me, at where I have been, I have begun to see that today is actually not so bad.

I don’t want to wait until tomorrow when I am mourning the good old days that are today. I have spent so much time looking back that I haven’t taken the time to get to know what I do have. A wonderful husband that has looked the other way for far too long. Forgiving me for my indiscretions, patiently waiting for his turn. The man who loved me for longer than all the ones who have come before him.

I know myself far too well to realize that today, will be my tomorrow’s” good old days” someday. I don’t want to look back at today and wish for it again and realize that somehow I disregarded the whole thing because I was stuck in the past. I need to hold onto the blessing of a gift I almost missed. I feel so ashamed that I have invested so much time being distracted and mourning the past that I forgot about the present.

After reading and re-reading everything I have written, I need to add a “Part Two”, a kind of addendum, an epiphany of sorts to honor the one who has been loyal and un-budging, waiting for me to wake up and realize that today is all we’ve got! And to know the best is yet to be!

10 thoughts on “My Fork In The Road

  1. While I was still on Facebook I put out my old-age manifesto which basically said I have now crossed the threshold into old age and I no longer need to try to impress myself or anyone else and I can now be happy with who I am and settle for what I have.

    I used math based on expecting to reach 75 and being lucky to reach 90.
    The third trimester toward 75 is age 50. The third trimester toward 90 is 60.

    So averaging 50 and 60 we get 55 which I decide to be the beginning cusp of old age. Restaurants agree with their senior menus. I’m old and that means I now get to move at my own pace and since I am too old to learn I can think my own thoughts. I made it this far and now I’m free.

    I don’t feel old. I jog out to the mailbox effortlessly. In some ways I am a better pianist than ever before, a better writer, a better friend, a better husband. But the pressure is off and the rest of my life is for me and on my own terms so take your pressures and your expectations somewhere else if you please, and even if you don’t.

    Sorry I’m only going through this one entry today. Retirement sometimes has full days that get away from you. I am wondering what you mean by your indiscretions, but I will not unduly insult you by letting my mind wander.

    I might just have my topic for tomorrow’s blog.

    1. A couple of years ago, I felt ancient. My kids were all grown and living their own lives. I was stuck in a job that was pretty much not where I ever in a million years wanted to be. As the economy got shakey, the vision of our company got put on a hold. So even though we had lost our store, I was thinking… I am getting in on the ground floor of this great vision of this great visionary and I will get to ride the wave if I am loyal and a faithful follower and a good little soldier. As departments got cut, so did my pay, and my job description…. but I hung on to the fact that though my bosses had been let go, I was being kept around for some strange reason…
      The owner of the company was being loyal to me. (So I thought) Though he is a nice man, and I love someone with vision, and I do love his wife… I have begun to see the writing on the wall…business is business… and he is all about business and may not be feeling as loyal to me as I have have imagined or been to him all these years, waiting. Time will tell…. we shall see… Though, I can’t forget that when I first started working for him… he took me aside and said “Diane, I have made and lost my fortune three times, so hang in there.” I’ll never forget that and will always appreciate that little pep talk he took the time to give me when I needed to hear it most.
      He gave me a job after we had lost our store and then had been given a chance to open up a restaurant that already was failing before the earthquake. The rest of our savings went to try to make that work and so not only did we lose our store, we lost time and the rest of our money in a really bad business decsion all made with people from our church. Believe me, it has taken me a long time to get past that one. Anyway, the job I work in now, has put me smack in the middle of working with a lot of youth. My book is all about counseling young girls to believe in themselves without needing a guy to give you that value. How funny, but God seems to have given me the opportunity to have that voice, one at a time with different young girls that come into my life. I may not have the title or the money, but in a way I get to touch people as God allows…
      My point is… that age kind of distorts things at different times in my life. Recently I felt fun and young again for a season… even more recently, I have felt older than dirt… it comes and goes and it is all relative…
      By the way… don’t feel you need to explain how much time you take reading my posts. I appreciate that you are doing it. But it is a gift you have given me…not something I ever expect. Even if you stopped here. I would be fine with it and value the feedback and time you have already given me thus far!
      By the way, my husband Jim has signed up here… your challenge got to him! LOL. So thanks for that!!!!

      1. Thanks for your understanding. What do you prefer to be called? I’m good with “Dianne” although “Di” is easier to say and type. But . . . I don’t want to look at you and seem to say, “die.” My head goes in strange places sometimes.

        We are becoming friends, I think. Time and sharing tends to do that. And I will spend what time I have to spare continuing to catch up unless it starts to put my wife Cathy off. Naturally she comes first. I only said something along those lines because I started and held a pattern of going through several entries each day. Expectations are a powerful thing and I try to let people know when I change a pattern because to some it can be rather jarring. It is to me and that’s why I am so intensely aware of it.

        So I scored a small victory! I confess that among other people, my article on time and focus was directly aimed at your husband. I used you, Diane, as my tool to show that to him. I was also speaking directly to other people but I have a gift to be able to speak a short sentence and intentionally say several different things to several different people with that brief statement. If only there was money in that.

        You might also have noticed that I did see how to embed pictures into the text. It was extremely easy. You have also inadvertently shown me how messy it can be if you are not careful! I will gently point that out as I go forward.

        I have to run now and work on my article for the day. I do find that my ulterior motive of exercising my writing muscle is working as planned. At least subjectively it is getting easier to write better and more. Maybe soon I can indeed start writing that book I have in mind; it is as clear to me as watching a movie in my mind.

        Back later!

        1. Yes! We are friends! Even my friends don’t read what you have! Funny what we value. Reading what I write and hearing about it was one big thing that kind of won me over in another situation… but you are getting to that.
          It would be funny if you LIKED what my hubby wrote. (He is the Steelers guy) But of course.
          He was joking when we were on the way home from dinner at friends last night, and he said he had received 457 LIKES on his first post. lol.
          As for Cathy, I do see where she might get put off. You do get pretty invested when you take on a project! I am not sure I would use the word jealous but you can’t deny the time you take here. In the FG case, I didn’t see what you put into that, but along with that whole situation, I can imagine it was time consuming. As well as dealing with someone pretty needy….at least enough to write a poem about being hurt over not getting the attention any longer. Your wife is a saint if she reads everything.
          Not sure Jim will get into writing as much… even when I tried to get him bto write personal letters back and forth as part of therapy… he is a great writer and there is just something about writing aside from talking that hits a different place…. But I dont’ have to tell you that now do I? 😉
          It is funny, I have friends who I have ecouraged to write. My friend who has beat cancer twice and my friend’s husband who has recently retired and I have always thought should write a book on a subject near and dear to his heart and they both almost got angry at my suggestion! My friend told me that … she was not like me… (hmmmm… what does that mean? lol.) And my friend’s husband said “Thank you for your concern” What the heck… To that, I told him… “I am not sure CONCERN would be the right word!” lol. Can you tell that THAT one got to me? Concern? What the heck! lol. So don’t write! Geesh! 🙂

    1. Laura.,
      I love your blog too! I am on a journey and learning your wise words are so true! It is just taking a miracle for me to get to that point to GET there!
      I hope to keep in touch! Your writing is just what I need!

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