This weather is messing up my beauty sleep! Once again, I am up feeling old and worn out and so very reflective. I promised myself that I was not going to be looking backwards.. But I guess I am kind of feeling sorry for myself. I am kind of angry tonight. I am mad and so darned hot; and I have just realized that summer is almost over and it kind of sucked big time this year. I gained back about twenty of the fifty I lost last summer and have a pretty good idea why. It is that old anticipation thing again. I have to have something to look forward to.
Like Pooh says…Although Eating Honey is a very good thing to do, there is a moment before you begin to eat it which is better than when you are.
I need something! I mean give me something, can’t ya?! When I was little, my dad would send us to Seattle during the summer. All of our family lived there and when my dad moved us due to his job, he promised that he would send us back there every summer and he did. I guess it spoiled me. I mean, I always had Seattle. When things went wrong, I remember thinking about Seattle and that I had that to look forward to and for some reason it made the wrong in my world a little easier to take.
I think of those times a lot during summer. Every so often, I will get a little surge of a melancholy sort of mood and remember when life was a bit simpler and picking berries in the woods, a few blocks away or walking to the Lake was as good as going to Hawaii for all I knew back then.
I remember spending hours laying out. The sun did it’s job. The tanner the better. Though we always seemed to survive that token burn. Sunscreen wasn’t even invented back then and baby oil was our tool of choice. Today the sunburns we got as kids have turned into age spots and wrinkles. I look in the mirror and wonder who that is looking back. In my head, I am still that thin tan young girl turning every thirty minutes like a piece of bacon.
I always get excited when the pool opens. But I haven’t gone yet. We have only taken our boat out once this year and summer seems to be almost gone. And today, I feel old and glad that it is almost over because this heat is crazy. The air conditioning is blasting and every fan I can find is on me. Even the cat has found a cool place to land. The animals seem to be surviving. But I just feel like an old grouch.
And then I decide to get up early, I set my alarm and decide to get up before the sun has a chance to heat up. To not give in to the aches and pains and the sunburn of today. And as I walk to our lake, I realize how blessed I am. I begin to watch people as they begin to stir. Pulling their boats to the lake or getting up for their own morning jogs and I realize that I live in a beautiful place, a place that people drive hours to get to. I begin to grasp the fact that my very own backyard is their vacation.
God has been talking to me lately. He has been gently nudging me, encouraging me to find the joy in the morning He promises and you know what? I think that I am finally beginning to understand just WHO the Holy Spirit is, He is that voice that tells me to buck up and put one foot in front of the other, to stop walking backwards and to realize that it doesn’t matter where we are, with God we can find the refreshment in The Holy Spirit as we walk into His Light daily. He is like the fan, the relief of His presence refreshes my hot and tired spirit. He is my Seattle and yet so much more, because vacations end but HE is constant, just waiting for us to board daily.
For his anger endures but for a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning Proverbs 30:5