My heart was broken many years ago

and I get to relive it again…

A thousand times yesterday

and a thousand times today,

and most likely, a thousand times tomorrow~

Through a number of blunders

and wrong choices

I am right back there,

feeling every prick and prod

And… I begin to hate the part of myself

that believed….

that allowing you to touch my heart again

would make the pain go away.

It makes me kind of crazy to realize just how close I got to letting go…

to  wandering to the edge and almost jumping

convincing myself that landing wouldn’t hurt.

And now  I have no idea where to step next

because I really have decided that I don’t want to fall

and it is almost as if

my heart was removed

and given back to me

and I am standing there holding it asking….

“Now What?”

Diane Reed

2012

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5 thoughts on “Now What? (caution, graphic pic)

  1. How can no one comment on this?

    HELLO? . . . Hello? . . . hello? . . .

    The echo in here is deafening. The lines “a thousand times yesterday / and a thousand times today” are remarkably powerful.

    I do like how you’ve abandoned rhyming for the sake of stark expression. While words that rhyme provide an artificial sense of obvious truth if the perfect word doesn’t happen to rhyme or you don’t reconstruct the words so that the perfect words do rhyme, all is for naught. I want to criticize the musical shape of the words but I cannot. It all works.

    Approach life with a wise heart. Love yourself. Have love by giving it. It is selfish to need love although it is a joy to receive it.

    Never give your heart, always share it.

    1. I told you that no one was really reading until about a month later… you coming in the backdoor, going forward has been kind of like therapy for me. You are right. lol. 5 people liked this and I also wondered… Did you guys really read this? What is this a courtesy LIKe… or are you all not brave enough to even go there. I think after seeing the pic.. they may have wanted to run but clicked LIKE covering their eyes… or something… haha.
      I don’t know whether to beg you to PLEASE BE MY AGENT!!!! or MY THERAPIST! You are amazing! My husband and I had a conversation today about connecting…is it too much to expect him to see this (which he won’t because who really goes back and read these posts except amazing men such as you!!! I mean really?) Thank you! When you retire from selling houses… you need to create a blog for husbands… Just teaching them what you did today for me in this one response. Is that asking too much? Sigh….

      1. I am learning by doing.

        Remember my warning that what I am doing here is powerful. Few people really listen or read your words so when someone does and at least seems to understand it can knock you over. I have to tread carefully myself.

        1. I get that now….That is what kind of happened to me a few years ago… my first love facebooked me…. most of our falling in love again happened in way of writing… I think… memories are powerful things… especially when someone comes along and makes you feel fun and young again… remembers you as size 5 and basically falls at your feet telling you that they are sorry and you were the love of their life … the one that got away… all in writing… so I know more than you think I do… but I’d like to think that I am wiser now…
          I just wish I could take my husband’s face and point him in the direction of your example… its not just the time and effort… it’s the validation and the GETTING or commenting or disagreeing that is all in connecting. I am serious, You really should write a blog about this! You really could. You would do the women a great service as well as the men.

          1. I copied my last comment and your last response to my blog-idea file. We’re having our house interior painted this week starting today earlier and I don’t know how I’m going to continue this daily about two or three days from now. I’ll manage somehow, maybe I’ll write two or three ahead and schedule them to post one each day going forward. It is a cool thing to be able to do here. So maybe by month’s end I’ll give it a go.

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