I have been going through a pretty dark time lately. I feel that on the outside I hide it well and go through the daily process but on the inside I am a mess. Though…. I am also a work in progress. I don’t automatically wake up with joy in the morning and yet I know it is possible. Though I am at the very least, suspicious of people who do it! (My husband wakes up happy every morning. No lie, he really does. Argh!)

I let everything annoy me lately. I don’t see anything half full, , from my perspective, there is barely a drop left!

Ahhhhhhh and the people in my life, are just so annoying! All but a very precious few, seem just plain ignorant. From the view where I sit I am judge and jury and only have been saying one word in my head lately and it is: REALLY?  As in REALLY? You just turned right in front of me without even looking?” Or you really just said that?” It’s not a good feeling to always feel so negative about everyone. It’s downright exhausting! And on certain days,  it is just too much to carry. On those days, I want to fall on my knees in a big fat clump and ask God, “Really?”

Ahhh but as always,  HE is amazing. He knows exactly where to find me and pick me up. He knows that I am feeling as unworthy as I see everyone else as being. HE is the first ONE who should be pushing me into a full length mirror and asking me “REALLY Diane now come on?!”He should be making me take a long hard look at the stranger that I see staring back at me and doesn’t even stop to remind me about the tree in my own eye. He gives me mana and holds me close as if HE never is going to let me go and you know what? He doesn’t. I am the one always climbing away from His grace sometimes daily. Today I make myself look in the mirror and see that the best reflection of how my day is going to turn out is staring right back at me.

Really.

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12 thoughts on “Really

  1. I don’t know any “real” details. This is the very embodiment of someone turning the corner back toward the person you are comfortable being. This predates our knowing of each other so at least in this point in your life you can’t have looked at my words and said, “Really?”

    It may be premature, but I congratulate you on getting over the hump, the hard part, the full admission the the biggest thing bothering you is inside yourself. That is true of everyone no matter what the original real-life cause might have been. It becomes internalized and even when the “irritant” is gone you still are burdened with it because it has become a part of you.

    I look forward to seeing further progress as I read forward. I wish I could take credit for this day, that I could have been some small part of the cause. I will push where I find needed in spite of the fact that I might be getting in on the bandwagon a little too late.

    It is impossible not to rejoice in this revelation of self discovery.

    Really.

    1. Having you here now as my little Jimminy Cricket, whispering in my ear is good enough. God’s timing is perfect. Ya know? (By the way, don’t get mad… I’ve had some pretty downers in-between…) it is a process and a work in progress, constantly 🙂

      1. We all have our ups and downs even when there is no reason. And when getting over something there are bound to be many echoes over time. Unfortunately that is normal.

        1. Well thank you! Maybe I try to rhyme or at least hit a kind of cadence cuz it is in my blood. They say our ancestor was Elizabeth Barrett Browning. My cousin tried to trace it but couldn’t find anything. My grandmother had told us both with such conviction, I like to believe it was true. 😉

          1. Cathy spent a lot of time doing family tree stuff. My stance is that I don’t care. She pretty much proved she was Jewish both by family custom and by lineage. She also found out that per capita my surname “Gramze” is four times more prevalent in Israel than in the USA. Oy!

  2. LOL Gosh I tell you girl it seems like you are looking into my soul here! I find myself saying “really” way too much! I try to catch myself.. Your great! Keep up these wonderful post!

  3. I’m sorry you have been feeling “low” lately.. I know that feeling of “why are you so happy when I feel so blue”..Try to just remember all those annoying people, you don’t have to live with them.
    Hope today is bright for you 🙂

    1. Thank you! I love that you read to the end! Sometimes my writing is long but I ususually try to save the ending for the twist or the lesson I have learned! Love your blog as well! Can’t wait to hang out there for a long spell!

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