This will be my 80th post. I promised myself that when I hit 100, I would honker down and really seriously finish the last four chapters of my book. My daughter has really been pushing me lately. I say I will. I tell her about a deal I made with myself…. to do a little exercise of writing 100 posts of things that were important to me, and perhaps seeing if anyone even notices my writing style, and to figure out if  I really have something to say at all.

I have shared this before in some of my blogs so some of you already know that I have wanted to write since I was seven years old, and how my second grade teacher began reading  The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe to our class. I was mesmorized. I waited for those daily twenty minutes with a kind of anticipation that can’t be described. She was good, she always left us hanging. Our little rowdy group of kids would stay as quiet as a mouse listening to each word and then groan as she would close the book till the next day or even worse, Monday, if it was a weekend!

I am not sure what happened during those days but instead of just thinking that the story was great, which I did. I began imagining the person who thought the stuff in that book up. I learned what an author was and I wanted to be one. I used to pen my own versions of that story while I would wait for the next chapters and I would show them to my parents and I guess I must have gotten a good reaction which inspired me. I remember at an early age, NEEDING to write. I loved reading and I loved certain authors as I was growing up. I remember looking for Caroline Haywood books and then Beverly Cleary, and imagining my name sitting on a book cover as little girls and boys looked for my shelf of books.

Unfortunately, I may have waited too long for that. As Kindles and technology changes, the authors of our future may never have the book signings of the past but I hope that isn’t so. I do hope that we continue to want to smell the pages and actually turn them. I find it sad when today we are asked how many remembered to bring their Bibles  in church, and a hundred cell phones or other electronic gadgets go up in the air. Some things just can’t be replaced!

But I am getting off track, which leads to my point… Is my goal of 100 posts just my way of procrastinating having to do the work? I have a friend at work who I trust to tell me the truth. She is a little older than me and likes everything in it’s place. She has told me that I start little projects around work all day long and it drives her crazy. I always finish each one by the end of the day but it does drive her batty. Even though I may have perfectly good reasons…. if I am counting the drawer and the phone rings etc… I am an artist at heart and by trade for most of my adult life and my studio always had a couple different projects started. My house would be clean but my art room was always a little “busy” to put it nicely. My mom always taught me to make my bed before leaving the house. She would say “If you make your bed, half the room looks clean.” Well, lets just say that I have always followed that advice but there was no bed in my art studio! I guess I am wondering if my book is like one of those projects or am I just afraid to finish it?

I feel as if I have been stuck on the final chapters forever. I spend a few weeks, editing and then am stuck again… I spend a few more weeks on my blog… maybe more time than I should be…. stretching as I call it and then go back to editing… My biggest hang up, is always the ending… I feel it is the most important part of all books…  of all anything…. okay well, besides the beginning which is the part that grabs your attention or not and well then, I guess the middle is important too….cuzzz that is the part that keeps people reading… and so then I feel the ending should be their reward for having kept reading!!! Ya know? So I always take special care of the ending or try to… Maybe the ending is a reflection of my own life…  I haven’t quite figured out how “I” am going to end up (as if I have a choice) and soooo have been editing the heck out of me!  In turn,  I am stuck figuring out how my little character in my book is going to end up. Am I ever going to finish my precious book or am I going to edit the heck out of it till I have rewrittien the whole thing?

…. maybe I should be asking myself that very question?? Hmmmm?

13 thoughts on “100 Posts

  1. I’m wondering if I’m reading about a fear of failure or a fear of success here. I’m not clear on how you should end because I haven’t read the first word yet. Just to throw something wild out there, maybe end without ending.

    Let’s say that you have a character that begins leaving the house each day not knowing what is going to happen to her. And each day is some fanciful adventure. What is wrong with ending the book with her leaving the house and leaving the rest to the reader’s imagination. It also leaves the door open for a sequel.

    OK, that was just an alternative to a happy ending or a sad ending. No ending. Bravely walking out that door once more in spite of all that happened. It could even be inspirational.

    80 articles. I’ve read through 80 articles now? Seems like 10 so buck up. Keep in mind that this blog in and of itself is a body of work and an accomplishment unto itself even though you don’t recognize it as such.

    1. Yep 80! What a great friend. Wow. As I sit here. I almost want to crawl through this thing and say hey wait… STOP!!! I want you to skip over the next one. I never thought you’d get here and you are just about to read the one. I don’t want to lose you and yet I feel that I have learned some stuff about you as well and I don’t think I will…I don’t totally put it out there but you do get enough…to figure it out.
      Kind of like what you suggested here. I like that… leave it to the reader’s imagination! I think you are a gift! That is good!
      By the way, I read something on my phone yesterday… you sent me a link. When I am at work and on my phone, I sometimes lose things… do you know where you sent it? Was it on a story you were commenting on?

      1. I sent you an e-mail to your AOL address. I’ll repeat my closing:

        AOL, ew,

        Jim Gramze

        A published author “followed” me and I checked out her blog briefly. I thought you might want to check it out and maybe she could push you in the publishing direction. Her current article is pretty good. And she’s cute, so you know she knows what she is talking about! I’ll stick a link right here in case you are interested:

    2. I am at a crossroads now and may have more free time on my hands. Although unexpectedly, it is bittersweet for me. The place I work is cutting the budget and trying to sell so I actually have a date. So by the end of the year, I will be in a place where I get to decide what I want to do, until financially I have to do something. But I might finally write that book. Maybe starting out with some of my better poems. Not sure, but I just wanted to stop in and tell you that your comment here, though a few years old, really helped today! And just wanted to say thanks!

  2. I understand how you feel. As much as some of us want to write, and the stories are in us, but for some deep down reason we can’t figure out…we get stuck, we procrastinate and do other things instead.
    The special book I read (5 times in 3 months) was The Neverending Story” by Michael Ende. It is so full of amazing details and so many underlying morals, I don’t get them all the first time, or the second time. Each time I noticed something new. He wrote the story many years before for children, but it became so popular with adults that it has been reprinted many times in many languages. I thought to myself “what a legacy to leave behind.”

    You will get there, as I did with my first book. Of course, I am way behind in finishing my second. Like you I think I use my blog, and keeping up with other bloggers as an excuse.
    Keep going coastalmom.

    1. Ann, Thank you so much for your insight! I loved Never Ending Story! I remember that even though I took my kids to see it, feeling that I got so many messages… similar to the symbolism C.S. Lewis used in the Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe. Maybe I need to actually read the book!

  3. I like your rich exploration of the hesitation to conclude. Perhaps just sketch it out and assess the ‘logic’ works and worry less about the writing? I know I get strangled by my own sense of perfectionism. I send a mug of encouragement. Take care.

    1. AND…. I love the way you PUT that! It makes me want to try! pr at least begin again on the end…. Maybe even before my next blog! smile… My problem is that this was a work of fiction that got thrust into real life for a spell in a series of circumstances that was kind of like a miracle within a nightmare…. the trick is going back and making it fiction again.,, any ideas?? smile….

  4. Oh my I’m always like hesitant to write the end, and you have a point there, maybe it’s like a reflection of my own life and I don’t know how to end it…
    Great post! And keep it up and reach your 100th post! 🙂

    1. Evilyn,
      Thank you for the encouragement! I love hearing other writer’s perspectives. Inside me, I have about 5 different endings…I guess the question is do I want to really make this fiction or fact?

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