Please excuse me while I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. I have been doing that pretty much all of my life. Never really enjoying the good times… There has always been a disaster looming around the corner and I have always been waiting for  that other damn proverbial shoe just hanging from that freaking foot to fall. You  know the saying… “Waiting for the other shoe to drop” Well, it has in my life, a few times… and I have grown accustomed to knowing or at least expecting that it will again… And so as I throw away my 2o12 calendar I feel as if I am throwing away a lot of missed opportunities, and oh how I wish all of my mistakes could go in that trash can as well. Let’s see my book would have already been finished and submitted. I would have reached my weight goal rather than have spent the year going backwards…and I would be in a better financial position… Ahhh what do they say about the best laid plans? All in the trash with that old falling shoe!

shoe falling

It is January seventh, two thousand and thirteen.  And speaking of calendars… I just noticed that my old-fashioned wall calendar that I have always continued to keep, (regardless of the latest technology of a calendar on my laptop or Smartphone.) Is still on December. As I turned to the next month, I realized that there are no pages left. And it is so metaphoric for me.

calendar

I open the blinds to see the sunrise, only to be met with a very blustery and  stormy Monday morning. I need to start editing my book and yet knowing I am not going to post more of it here seems to make it more work than fun.

Okay now… before I lose you… I just went and put a pot of coffee on so maybe that will boost my mood.

coffee and computer

I live right near the gate of our gated community so I watch as the cars pass on their way to work, I imagine the life of each one as they pass by. I actually like the busy-ness of the street. I know that it might not be a selling point for some when it comes time to sell this house, but I have always loved that part of living on the corner here, as well. I have always  thought it would be nice to live in one of those high rise apartments right smack dab in the middle of the city. I like the bustle and activity. It makes me more creative. I guess I have the best of both worlds, I live in the country close to a lake. It is a vaction community for a lot of people. Some, may even come here to write. I live here and I am grateful. And yet it is funny, the part that most people might be negative about makes me almost happy. I watch each car as it drives by and wonder who they are and where they are going. Yes, I am a writer and so I think like that…  I wish I could say that I am praying for each one as they drive by me. Perhaps when I think of it… I do. I would love to tell you that I just sit here and do that every day. That would be a wonderful thing to tell you…. but I am wrapped up in this narcissistic feeling cacoon right now and feel those walls going up again as if to dare someone to climb over. I hate when I get like that.

 cacoon in the rain

Okay, now I have taken my first sip of coffee. Funny how that can clear my head like Xanax can for other people.

Smile.

writing just hand view

I guess that sometimes, life just happens. I can be going along perfectly okay, even with a raging cold, and not feel down and then something just hits me. A part of my life that I feel that I can’t control and WHAM I am down for the count. I felt it creep up today. I am learning to see it coming. That out of control feeling. I have come to realize that I am not causing it, I almost try to forgive myself, thinking that I can’t control it. It comes upon you like a messy closet. But then… even a messy closet is within your control. Ya know?

 I got up early to do the bills. Maybe that is what put me in a slump?

bills

My husband is going on whatever month it is being one of the jobless. (I have stopped counting.)  But so much potential is in the business he is pursuing. I just need to learn how to be patient. And yet sometimes, I wonder is my middle name Job?

job

Okay now, I know… you can all stop searching for that tinest violin. I have heard it all already! And I see that God is a God of answered prayers.  When the other shoe drops… He has always provided another pair! I know… I know…  I’m just tired of the other shoe always dropping. Ten years ago I was dealing with an earthquake, and a few more decades before that, my fiance’s mom killed herself, all in the time frame of this week. It isn’t the happiest of memories. Maybe that is it… I guess around this time of year, somehow even after all these years and all the blessings in-between I have always waited for the other shoe to fall. Always.

shoes in a pile

I know how bad it can get. I know how blessed I am. Even where we are now financially, I see hope and yet I want to be able to just relax, to find that formula that lets me just lean back and trust. And so I went on a little journey inside my own head… wanting to truly dig my way out of the pile that I had found myself under…. and it’s funny when you really do get to a place where you want to hear someone telling you that it really is going to be okay there is always a place that leads us to this place….  a Voice much clearer than the ones in my head telling me to be afraid…

Bible (2)

And as I read… I followed the light and found these…

And looked out my window and saw this…

rainbow

2 Corinthians 3:4-6 “And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.”

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

Psalm 91:2 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

Nahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. ”

2 Samuel 22:31 “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

Psalm 7:1 “O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:”

Psalm 25:1, 2 “Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.”

Proverbs 30:5 “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.”

Psalm 9:10 And they that know thy name will put  their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek  thee.”

Psalm 22:4 “Our fathers trusted in thee: they  trusted, and thou didst deliver them.”

Psalm 37:5 “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust  also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 56:3 , 4 “What time I am afraid, I will trust  in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not  fear what flesh can do unto me.”

Psalm 71:5 “For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou  art my trust from my youth.”

Isn’t it funny how I started out? So whiney and clingy and feeling all sorry for myself? Now I am feeling rather foolish. I will leave you with this wonderful quote that  I am reminded of today:

In the darkest of nights cling to the assurance that God loves you, that He always has advice for you, a path that you can tread and a solution to your problem–and you will experience that which you believe. God never disappoints anyone who places his trust in Him.   Basilea Schlink

All I need is someone bigger than me… saying “It’s gonna be okay.”

shoes in a closet

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-trust-20-helpful-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2HJ1aFw1Y

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30 thoughts on “The Other Shoe

  1. I really enjoyed this, especially since I’ve spent years in retail! Ha! Somehow, I manage to not let mean or angry people get to me. Instead, I appreciate the many who are real and smile and care. I draw so much energy from the people God sends to heal me. I want to be like that, one of the healers.

    1. You are so right! Thank you for the reminder! My downers usually do have a revelation at the end… But I do seem to be writing more of these attitude adjustment pieces so the reminder is appreciated! 😉

      1. I always read it to the end 😀
        I have this (call it good or bad habit) of liking my blogger-friends right away when I see their new posts (not with everyone) followed by reading them. I know for a fact, a post from you, is going to be good or awesome. So liking comes instantly.

        1. Ahhh… I know. I feel that way about you too! There are just some of the ones that you gravitate to… not just posts but hearts…where ever we are in the world… there is just something about souls that meet… not knowing boundaries… nor needing them! 🙂
          Have a GREAT day!
          I took cold medicine yesterday that knocked me for a loop. I came home early and went to bed and slept for seven hours and now I am like boing!! AWAKE for the count! lol…. maybe I will go bake some cookies to bring to work today…

  2. I’m glad you saw the rainbow after the storm Diane! We can all get lost in the cloud of darkness from time to time, but that doesn’t mean the light…His light is gone!

    Romans 5:3-5 New Living Translation (NLT)

    3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

    1. You are so right! Thank you for the verse! I love the ones that really fit in the perfect places… kind of like finding the right picture for the right line of a poem…
      I think my problem has been not always remembering to invite the Holy Spirit in my heart each day to fill it! I might not have so many days with one shoe on! 😉

  3. I too have had the same feelings at time and have found it best to write about all my “growth challenges” I call them. I have experienced one “growth challenge” after the other this year. My husband took a 5% pay cut as a police officer among other things and it seemed all hell broke loose. But I had to remind myself that if God looks after the sparrow then he will look after me, all I had to do was believe, and believe I did.

    Honey, I went full throttle on positive living and maintaining my faith. As life would have it everything comes in seasons and I am still planting looking for my harvest. So, this I will say to you as well. Keep planting because when the harvest comes due you can reap the largest benefit.

    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement! Sometimes you just need reminders like that to remind you that God keeps His promises! All in due time. I keep wondering what the lesson is and He keeps showing me it is passing on the message of hope just like you have done here. For if we can’t learn from our trials how can we ever triumph in our smiles?!

  4. Ahhh I was trying to help my hubby sign up due to his request… he kept telling me that he wasn’t getting my blog… I finally figured out that he never signed up as a poster! So I was trying to create a blog for him and accidentally LIKED my own post!
    Just didn’t want you guys to think that I was so VAIN!!!!
    😉

  5. Funny how writing about our thoughts and feelings can be such great therapy…a definite spirit lifter! Now, did you dive in to that hot cup or did you wait a bit before taking the first sip? 😉

    1. Thanks! I had my doubts about this one.. but it was almost as if it seemed like I allowed this one to take me on a journey to get back to a better place. And I don’t think it was just the coffee that did it! 😉

  6. Diane, I don’t not belief like you do … and I’m happy for you that you have you faith and your God. A lot also have to do with our own attitude – if we truly believe things will change instead of given up hope .. it will happen – because we are susceptible.
    Sure that good things will happen to you .. and things will be okay eventually!

    1. Thank you! I know you are right! I think I was just feeling down in a pit for a while but I know it is all in how you learn how to dance in the rain… I love Charle’s Swindolls quote on attitudes. It is usually one I try to read when I get like this. I think that taking down the calendar just kind of got to me in more than a metophoric way. Off to buy a new one with lots of opportunities in it!
      Thanks for the reminder. 😉

      1. I have felt for years that it’s in my attitude – but it was very clear to me – when I got my cancer diagnose and my attitude to that and the treatment – even if I was sick as a dog .. I always kept my spirit up and took it with some sense of humour. I didn’t want to be a victim and I have so much positive things to remember from that time.

        1. I believe it too! My bff… had stage stage 3 breast cancer about 12 years ago and then stage four ovarian cancer about 3 years ago and I believe is a survivior because of her faith in God and her attitude….she is determined not to let that stupid cancer win! You are right! There is so much to our attitudes that the Western world has not even tapped into yet!

          1. Because we are so quick to blame others .. and feel sorry for ourselves.
            Not fair that when she have been cancer free for so many years – the thing is that if you have danced once with the demon, he want to dance again. Hope is okay again.

    2. Here it is… so no one has to look it up.
      ATTITUDE
      by: Charles Swindoll
      The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

      Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

      The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

      And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.

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