There are things that you just have to learn by yourself in life and no one can tell you what to do to make it “click” for you. If you are in your twenties or younger, and can learn the one thing that I am learning now, you will be a thousand steps ahead of me and save yourself a lot of trouble. And I think this is the kind of thing that perhaps you might have to learn the long way around but I am still going to try to sneak it in for ya because it will save you a ton of frustration in the long run. The little secret is….less is more!!!
Even though I feel that I don’t give my son enough credit for the depth in which he thinks these things up… I believe he is brilliant. But I don’t feel he always lives by his words of wisdom, in certain circumstances. He is hot headed and quick to react most of the time however, a while ago, he gave me some of the best advice I think I have ever gotten. He said; “Mom, if you don’t let people know what you are thinking, then you have the power“. When he said it. I knew it was profound. But not until lately, have I really understood what it means.
Recently, I have had people say outrageous things to me. Things that normally would require at least some kind of response. Maybe an insult or a complaint about where I work or a nosey question that really did not deserve a response. In the past, I have responded. Giving them the power.
The other day, someone said something that normally would have required a comeback from me or at least some kind of a rebuttal. Instead there was a wonderfully awkward but empowering silence. The receiving person who delivered the first part of the conversation was left hanging with their rather rude self and it was the best feeling ever!
Try it this week. And report back here at the end of the week. I bet there are going to be some wonderful stories. Because… seriously, silence IS golden.
27 thoughts on “A challenge……. Silence is golden”
you were right this was just what I needed.. in fact think I will start this tonight.. my first night back to work! I always pick great days to start things! LOL Your great and I have missed you! Hugs dear one!
Funny how you are more of a facebook gal and I just use it to post my blog and quotes and messages to my kids and am more comfortable here! And I don’t have to miss ya cuz I can always find you there but it is like a breath of fresh air finding you back… weird huh?
Glad you liked this! I will expect a great story about how you let someone dangle in the silence. LOL!
LOL knowing me I am sure it will not take long..
Definitely a good lesson and worth a try. If I fail the first time I will try the next, and the next. I think if silence really means something to you, like your parents used it to punish you as a child, it’s even more powerful. You can cut the air with a knife.
I like your spirit!
There are times, when we must just remain quiet, and not respond to a negative comment directed at us. When you respond in the same manner, you have just added fuel to that behavior, which may, or may not culminate into a self distructive situation.Have you ever wondered why that person took the time to write such venomous comments? This is how I see it. When people get hurt, they tend to spew negativism at anyone, not realizing, how deep of a wound they have inflicted on that recipient.
Next time you receive a negative comment, or observation, ask yourself the following…how deep is this person’s wound, and how can I come to his/her rescue? Just a thought. Blessings
Perfect advice! Thank you for taking the time to share.
Discretion is the greater part of valor. Ever read Carlos Castaneda on personal history?
No but I like your comment!
I think it’s true to some degree … we have to be more selective with who we tell .. and what we tell them – but I think it’s important to talk … and invite people closer to us, but we have to maybe who can we do it with. I don’t understand how people why people has to be evil .. and say things about other people. I use to say to them – if I caught them out – you must have had loads of broken toys as a child.
Just shake it off – because they are not worth that you’re getting upset and if you do – they have won.
I think you are right. It is a case by case situation.
I guess I am talking about certain situations that have recently come up …. one example was a rude customer… who was angry before she even walked in the door… practically shouting at me as she entered, how this better be done and that better not be done… like the last experience she said she had, had… that totally was unrealated to me personally… Though, I used to take those things personally!!!! And that is my point ~ that I am not any longer which I think is empowering. As for this particular example… She never even gave us a chance… she walked in spitting nails…. and I graciously replied to everything that she needed replying to but when she spit out another totally uncalled for insult about the place where I work… I let that wonderfully awkward silence do it’s thing and believe me… it felt damn good! Watching her stand there waiting and then wondering what I might be thinking… she never got to know. And you know what? It shut her up for the rest of her visit.
Rude people are not worth our feelings! They have the problem and doesn’t matter what we do – nothing will be good enough. Good on you!
Great reminder!! Sometimes the best response is no response at all, especially if it were to cause us to come out of character. There’s a lot of strength in biting your tongue! 😉
I love that! Now you have a quote for the books!
There is a lot of strength in biting your tounge!!!!
We speak of vampires in terms of Dracula and Twilight, yet they are among us everywhere and live off our vitality, stealing ifit from us the same as if we offered them our necks to bite ! Powerful lesson …
I love it! Great comment! You know how I love a good metaphor!!!!
Good one! Goes along with the saying, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything”. Something I was told at an early age but didn’t learn the wisdom of until I’d proved it true for many years, by doing just the opposite. My parents didn’t have to wash my mouth out with soap, they knew my foot was taking care of the job.
I was not so lucky. I never learned that lesson. I was always the one that seemed to find joy in sassing! I remember one time my mom asking me if I was born in a barn when I left the sliding glass door opened and without a beat… I didn’t even think… (I was mad that she said it in front of her friends) I asked “I don’t know, are you a cow”? Argh… I got so grounded for that one!!! But it was kind of worth it…at the time. Though now that I am an adult and I look back… I am sure the adult friends I left in the dust were disgusted… not thinking I was the least little bit cute…Though I wasn’t known to talk back as a rule… I could hold my own when triggered and for a while I was proud of my quick wit. But now not so much. Now It is as if I am standing ouside myself and seeing how I could have handled many things differently…. even the cow comment! 😉
Hindsight is 20/20?
That and maybe experience and old age… smile….
Thanks for this great advice. I will try and remember to control myself enough to let the air hang awkwardly. It is the awkward silence that always makes me ramble on nervously. I hate that I do this and it is a hard habit to break. But your simple instructions have made it sound much easier. I can now let the discomfort become theirs and not mine. Blessings to you!
You humble me. As I read your blog and learn about your wisdom….for me to have taught you a lesson that I am still learning is the best compliment! But me too… the awkward silence is where I ramble too… but taking on this challenge is almost exciting for me cuzzzzzz I know how totally probable it is that I could fail… but I am feeling like… bring it on baby!!! lol….. I want to come back with the most stories of how I made myself actually shut up! ;D
I appreciate your wonderful compliment greatly. I am just another human after all, we can all teach each other different things as we all experience different lessons at different times in our lives. I get so frustrated when I try to help someone who has walked this earth longer than me, but obviously hasn’t lived through the same lessons as me, when they disregard me because I am younger. These are people I love, and hate to see suffer them through unknowingly as I had to. But they refuse to listen, they throw my experience back in my face because they are insulted that God may have chosen to teach me something before them. I pray I never become so blinded to the help from others no matter their age, for many youngsters out there have lived a hellish life that has taught them more than I will ever experience. I have also learned so much from other bloggers more than I can express. Your input into that experience for me has been astounding. You are a true cheerleader for those who doubt themselves (Me) I am so very grateful! God’s blessings to you always Sweet Sister! xx
Your son was perfectly correct, Di. Silence, (and a smile) most times, is THE perfect response because the tormentor is left not empowered by your emotion. I do this a lot, and it’s a great way to respond because it removes you from the role of a victim.
Oh Paul, YOU said it perfectly just in your response! I agree. And you are right… it takes us out of the role of being the victim and kind of boomarangs their intendended remark as our silence leaves them a little more tormented than anything we could possibly say. I like the smile idea…. it creates the cherry on top as we watch the confused look on their face…. better than lowering ourselves to their level! Thanks for your added wisdom!
Good insight my friend.
Thank you! I hope I can take my own challenge… I do tend to talk before I think!