footprints picture

I have been reflecting on friendships this week. No doubt due to losing Lucy. It has made me re-evaluate so many things in my life. My heart is full and yet my brain has kind of kicked in. I have been going down a very revealing journey of self discovery the last few days and the familiar saying: Some people touch your lives for a little while and others leave footprints on your heart forever…  comes to mind. But currently I am in kind of a dark place where I feel like twisting that sentiment around a bit and adding…. There are also the friends that trudge all over your heart.

bruised heart

Some things are comforting because they never change. Like Lucy, she was who she was. She was always my soft place to fall. I never came to her to have her always agree with me, but to get the truth. It was a refreshing friendship because no matter what, she could tell me like it was and I could tell her and it was just a safe place. I never worried about her sharing my secrets or divulging my mistakes. She was my Fortress of unconditional love. It didn’t matter if I was in a horrible place in my life. She loved me through it. Like a mother loves a child. Like the best in best friend.

In my life I think I expected that from everyone. I think that I really had blinders on when I chose different people in my life, at work and historically in my own personal life, and it baffles me now what I didn’t see. There was a time in my life where I put one particular friend on a pedestal while I kind of let another one tread water waiting for me to see the truth.

cartoon standing on a pedestal

As I look back I wonder why I was so blinded by admiration. Another couple of friends at work made me believe that they were friends. They gossiped behind the backs of others there, just as much as any of the REAL HOUSEWIVES! In fact, they could give them a run for their money! The thing I don’t get is why was I so blown away when I finally discovered that they were talking about me as well, when I wasn’t in their presence?

Friends have come and gone. Some are there because I’ve chosen them (adult made friendships). Some historically (childhood friendships) are still there because we’ve chosen to work on them to nurture them. Those are the most difficult when you realize you have outgrown them. A while back, I met a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She was a part of my everyday life as a teenager. In just our short lunch together, she had proceeded to insult a homeless boy begging and said such hateful things to him and then tried to justify it to me, that I felt I was with a stranger and yet in that moment, I realized I was seeing things about her that I’d overlooked all our lives. I have really been reflecting on many of my friendships lately and it has been an eye opener. As I have also reflected on my own junk that I bring. There are more sayings such as…. You will always be my best friend… you know too much…. Or…  Best friends know everything about you and love you anyway…

I want to be that kind of friend… I want to be the one that doesn’t want to point out the bad in my friends, the one who accepts them where they are. But at times when something huge happens like it did for me this week, you get reflective and perhaps a little cynical. For today… I think I let the cynicism win out. I’ve written about friends before on my blog, even given them their very own post of the day.

Currently, I am just in reflection mode. I have so many lifetime friends that I am thankful for! So many readers who have made me look past my own doorstep and embrace the friendships not even made yet. Funny how once upon a time, I thought I had enough friends. What a horrible thought! Never to be open to the possibility of more. A kind of friendship suicide. Cutting myself off from the opportunity of the joy I have recently experienced in new friendships in my life here and in my own little corner of the world. I also realize that I am just in a bit of a depression and rightly so. Nothing organic going on here! I just lost one of my best friends and I’ve woken up each day realizing she is gone. It is the first thing I think of every day since. But I know that time heals all wounds and though I will miss her, the pain will ease. As in the things bothering me today. And so I will not close the book, I will keep reading, finish the chapter and move on to the next.

But for now just humor me please as I share my poem about being disillusioned over certain friendships. A bit of purging here. Not my usual uplifting stanzas (that was a joke!) But I really do…. I promise I will have a better outlook tomorrow!

**********************************************

Through Rose Colored Glasses

You see it your way with rose colored glasses

the world is all wrong and we are all asses!

rose colored broken glasses

It couldn’t be you, in all your perfection

no, not a flaw in your perfect perception!

We are just sensitive when we judge your approach

you never see the way you jump down our throats

girls telling secrets

 you talk behind all your friends clueless backs

discussing all the things you feel that they lack

 what made me think when you were talking about them…

that I was above the ones you called your good friends

gossipers

Why was I blinded, why couldn’t I see?

while you were talking about them, you were also talking about me!

Diane Reed ’13

page quote

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28 thoughts on “Through Rose Colored Glasses

  1. It always feels nice to be the optimist! But you always get that nagging pessimist side on your left shoulder just making you doubt yourself. Don’t let that get to you! Just keep looking at life through rose-Coloured glasses! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. “The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in the physical realm, but they are always there in your heart, because they helped form your heart.” One of my favorite quotes, by an unknown source. I thought I should share it with you. I enjoyed your poem. Don’t apologize, this is the way a writer gets through tough situations. I love the meme at the end also. 😀

  3. Diane, your writing is so beautiful and from the heart. I hear all your words and have learnt this years ago. We have many friends; but as we get older we realize who are really friends. As we sift through those that suck out our energies and add nothing but negativity, we find the handful that fulfill us and who we can truly call friends.

    1. Deb~
      Right?! I sooo agree! My handful of friends are still my most valued of treasures but there are a few that have slipped through my fingers kind of recently and I am feeling okay about it. Sometimes boundaries come in handy when you are figuring things out. I am not so quick to jump as I used to. I have begun to master the art of considering everything!
      😉
      How are you doing on your book? I need another chapter!
      xoxo

  4. I wrote a huge reply but my internet cut off. My phone is broken too. Anyway I will try again quickly before I get cut off again. Basically I love Grandfather Sky’s answer above. You are a dear and trusting soul and I hope you never change except for times like this when I can see you are low. And I love where he says you have graduated Lucy’s school. So true. If we are lucky we come across lots of teachers of the inspirational kind rather than the warning kind as you did. No one is the same so anyone can disappoint us. But they can’t reject us unless we reject ourselves. Anyway we are all here for you to fill the void. You have a whole universe of friends. Hugs Emma

    1. Ahhh Emma,
      Now I know why I love ya! Smile.
      I know isn’t he the greatest? I don’t think that he has ever said anything without a great message attached to it!
      I love your message too!!
      I agree you can’t be rejected by anyone but yourself. Seriously, I’ve begun to find my footing. Some people not used to it, don’t always feel comfortable with that kind of change. No matter if the friendship is a few years old or a few decades old, I am okay with letting go. I mean, I have let go of a marriage that meant everything to me and of old loves. I can survive backing away from the toxic relationships that can’t handle me finally finding my voice.
      I think God puts friends like you in places to remind me to not give up on trusting people but never wants us to have to settle for less than we deserve either.
      This summer is starting out to be very hot it was over 110 today! After work I met my husband and we drove to the coast! Hope this isn’t gonna last too long!
      xoxo

  5. Prayers and well wishes are with you. It’s hard sometimes to “turn that page” but we need to. However, it is important to grieve too. Take care of yourself, Diane.

    Jeff

    1. Thank you Jeff,
      You are right. I am on a very interesting path of figuring out what is really important. What to let go of, what to hang on to and who…
      Thanks for your wise words!
      xoxo

      1. You just take care…explore what you need to, steer clear of major decisions for now. You’ll be fine, lean on friends and family. If you need an ear, I am a pretty good listener!

        Jeff 🙂

          1. Absolutely my pleasure! I’ve been through this “process” of losing a dear friend and loved one…(or two) so far, and it is awful.

            However, when you decide to take it as an opportunity for some introspection, it becomes a good thing for you!

            Take care and have a great day.
            Jeff 😉

  6. Good article, Diane!
    I’ve studied friendships and relationships throughout my years (mostly as I’ve gotten older, and come to some of the same realizations you have), and one of the things I’ve learned is that everyone, and I mean everyone, contains within them feelings of inferiority. These perceived shortcomings are what guide their actions and often shape their personality. Many who feel the worst about themselves will use their finger and words like magic wands, pointing waving and shouting, deriding anyone and everyone around them. The illusion they hope to conjure is a pillar of smoke which conceals their own inadequacies from the world. They think that by pointing out the mistakes and flaws of those around them, it will mask/hide their own. (Just some thoughts from the old, self-proclaimed, inadequate goo-roo. 🙂 )

    1. This was right on! Thank you!
      The poem was about an accumulative few. I usually write about my cherished friendships and all i am grateful for, which is truly a lot. But losing Lucy made me take a closer inventory of some of my friendships and see the need to be honest with myself and in the process had to interject a little humor in there!
      Thanks for your wisdom.

  7. Diane, this is so great. And I had to chuckle at your poem. 😉 I’ve never done friendship well because I tried too hard to please and let myself get trampled on. But God has sent me a couple true friends here and there. I’m sorry you’ve lost one. That heart connection is hard to let go.

  8. There’s a lot to say about this but I’ll keep it brief. First of all, I love how trends run through the blogs I follow, and this week it has all been about friends. Jane Thorne and Randall Dean Scott wrote about it, and here you are too! Must be the moon… You have a dear and trusting heart, that is the reason you never saw them talking about you, nothing wrong with that, you are a kinder soul than they, and you always will be. Who and what they are is your long past. That they came your way was just a reminder, a simple road sign to guide you. You mourn, and you care, and that is what dear Lucy taught you, and now you are coming to grips with the fact that you now have to fill her shoes. You have graduated, she has given you your degree … display it proudly, it is well earned … All the best to you now as always – gfs

    1. I love it when you visit my blog. It is like opening up a present finding your words… so soothing and inspiring, reminding me to find my compassion rather than leaning on my pride and disappointment. You are right! I have great shoes to fill and I am going to accept that diploma!!!
      You are the best!
      xoxo

  9. Some friends stick around for 40 years and decide to tell you she’s moving on with her life. What? Our families used to socialize together, kids and all. Felt like a divorce. After two years, I still am not any wiser why.

    Heartwarming post about your good friend Lucy.

    1. I am sorry about your friendship! Sometimes it helps when people can relate… but not this time. I don’t wish a demise in anyone’s friendship. I am so sorry. I know that it must hurt to have a friend drop you without cause. I pray God slips an even more special friendship in your life!
      xoxo

  10. There is an old saying:

    Small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas. I’m probably paraphrasing but the sentiment comes from Eleanore Roosevelt.

    It is shocking, and obvious after the fact, that when someone gossips about others to you that they in turn gossip about you with others. It is simply what they do. I’ve learned that the hard way more than once and I strive to not do that myself.

    My wife and I don’t really have friends outside of each other and seeing local relatives on occasion. There are people online that we are in contact with regularly but no one that we meet for dinner or enjoy time with in person. Oddly we don’t feel lacking in that respect, it just is.

  11. I strive to practice right speech and have integrity in my words and actions with people, especially friends. I cherish my girlfriends. One particular day I woke up and realized how much double talk, gossip and jealous conversation took place and I had to walk away as I had enough troubles of my own to work on, how could I waste my time talking about others troubles? It didn’t make sense. But I was definitely attacked and gossiped about for making that choice. Perhaps, I didn’t do the right thing after all, I thought. But as time goes on and I see the fruit develop from those better choices I know I did the right thing. This post was so great and reminded me of those moments in my life when I chose to believe in love and integrity of speech. That’s what I believe true friendship is about. Speaking truth no matter what is one thing, speaking it in love is another. Beautiful post and sorry to read about your loss. Peace for your heart!

    1. Stephanie,
      Thank you for sharing! Such wisdom! Yes… I am on a journey of not responding as quickly as I used to and really considering my words. I never used to do that! lol!
      xoxo

  12. Aw, Diane, I feel your pain. I’ve had to break off relationships with girlfriends for similar reasons. It leaves you with a huge hole in your heart. But, like you said, there’s always room for more. Thanks for sharing this story because it makes me come to terms with my own feelings.
    One thing I was taught at an early age, is that LOVE is an action word–a verb. So, if there’s not action to back up what a person is saying, it can’t possibly carry weight. On a side note, I’m taking a hiatus from blogging till August. Have a great summer! 🙂

    1. Anka I just saw that you are leaving! I was going to joke and say bet ya can’t stay away lol… cuzzz we all have said our goodbyes “for a while” with the best of intentions and then come back early… but then when I read on your post that you were promising your family… I soooo GET it and how like right now, I should be in the shower getting ready for work and just had to write you back real fast! lol… That our blogs can be time consuming. Last night I needed to write but chose to be with my husband and you know what? It was a nice choice. And I am proud of you for making that choice so I pray you have a great vacation and come back with lots to write about when it is time!
      Sorry you can relate to the friend thing. I think we all can and I think that knowing we all can relieves our pain a bit. You are right. Love is an action word. Thank you for reminding me! Now go have yourself the best summer of your lifetime!
      xoxo

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