An Unexpected Afternoon


Yesterday I spent an unexpected afternoon with an amazing woman.  A decade or so ago, it might have surprised me that we would be having these kinds of afternoons together. You see the woman I am talking about is my Mother In-law and I guess it took a while to really appreciate her amazingness. She is a Psychologist and I’ve always felt as if I were “kind of crazy” and so I was constantly on the defense. Let’s just say in my “maturity” I am appreciating her wisdom and she has invested a lot of patience and time in getting me to this place of acknowledgment.

mother in law and daughter in law

I love it because even as a Psychologist, she is just now discovering new things about herself as well, so at times I feel as if we are unwrapping presents as together….  As we wander around our own souls. Talking about dreams and realizations, fears and hopes and faith and it was shocking how fast five hours flew by. Several years ago, I may have felt like it was a wasted day off. But now I gather it up as a cherished memory.

Recently, I have realized that I have begun to stop questioning myself as much. Giving myself permission to actually be right without asking everyone and their brother for their opinion.    Today, I have decided to give myself permission to be right without any feedback. Sometimes you just know that you know that you know that you are right and you have to just make some painful decisions in life and own them.

Today we talked about learning to FEEL the pain when we are hurting and to actually recognize that IT is really real.  I realized that I’d been  making excuses and apologizing for how I feel. But my pain is usually reasonable and not some crazy misunderstanding that I’ve had with myself. Today I am learning to trust my own feelings and to start to give myself permission to heal. And to make choices about who and what to allow in my life and to  not second guess myself nor need anyone else’s opinion. I wish I could bottle this ephiphanie so that I could share it in elixcer form! But I think we each have to figure out certain things all on our own sometimes.

girl carrying huge key

I can’t explain it but when you recognize for the first time… something you have been doing wrong for decades and truly understand it. AND… can change it by just thinking differently it is like opening up a door to a wonderful room you had not allowed yourself to go in.

SONY DSC

And you know what?? When you finally figure it out….It is freeing. It has made me feel lighter and yet strong enough to move mountains! It really is freeing when you finally allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. And not need everyone else to confirm that you really aren’t crazy after all. Try it. It is like a “click” that turns the light on so that you can almost see your own soul!

Agreeing With Just Me!

girl with round light

Inside of me I’ve begun to find

a place I go to clear my mind

it’s there that I’ve begun to know

the greatest feeling of letting go

to know that I don’t need to fight

to always prove that I am right

I’ve climbed to where the view is clear

I’ve gripped the vine and dropped the fear

girl jumping off cliff with umbrella

I’ve felt the pain in holding on

somehow I’ve known all along

If I am right, that’s all I need

for… I just have to agree with me!

Diane Reed

2013

31 thoughts on “An Unexpected Afternoon

  1. Thanks for “The One Thing I know for Sure….” I also enjoy the poetry at the ends of your posts. Thank you for dropping by my blog and for taking the time to show me what I need to do re: gravatar, etc. I’m on it.

    1. You are welcome! Thank you for stopping by! I was looking at your blog thinking how great it was and seeing the lack of traffic there and am glad I took the time to cut and paste your address to find you. I have to admit that I have bypassed about 5 who don’t have their links on their gravatars already this morning so it is a good thing to have!😉
      Yours is a Great blog and others need to be able to find it!!!

  2. This was so lovely reading all about your beautiful afternoon with a beautiful person ! You know we always regret when we don’t give time to the old people like our grand ma and others and they go without sharing their feelings to us ! Old people are like innocent children ! I really miss my grand ma now. Love the poetic lines !

  3. Lovely post Diane, and its really wonderful to read about your special transformational moments. Its really good too, that you and your mother-in-law have made a connection finally. Thanks for sharing these intimate moments.

  4. This completely speaks to me right now, but then you knew it would didn’t you? I still need to ask others if I am crazy and it is hard to give myself permission to actually be right. I’ve needed this a lot recently…. long story where I started to doubt myself. But it will turn around and blow away with the wind. It always does…

  5. A lot of psych majors are screwed up themselves and are studying at least in part to find answers about themselves. Some people grant magical powers to psychologists while others deny that they are anything but charlatans. I majored in psychology (and music) and I have to say that shrinks are somewhere in between. In proper therapy it is best to treat this professional as an aid and a tool to help sort things out, like a competent friend.

    It does appear that you have found a good place. There will be ups and downs as moods swing and events change, but do return often to this place. Our crazy nut has grown up! It’s great to be externally validated but it is much more important to be good with yourself. All feelings should be experienced and embraced, not just the “good” ones.

    Ben Franklin once described the presence of a man who enters a room only meaning well to all present. One has to be comfortable with oneself to be so at peace and not merely be concerned with yourself.

    1. Jim,
      I just went and edited some of what I just wrote… I always seem to do that. I never can just wait until I am done. I need to jump ahead to see how it will look. Even though I know that there is a preview button here.
      But sometimes your comments make me go huh??? And other times they are like an amazing gift! I think that this one gave me both today lol.
      You are right about the profession. I don’t know if you recall, but I worked in a Psych Ward for almost five years in my twenties and my perception was very stained from my experience of seeing that profession just as or sometimes more messed up than the rest of us. I have a coworker who has a Masters and is now putting in her hours and I fear for her future clients!!!🙂
      But I think I agree with what you said… I don’t feel that everything is all about me… In fact, I have never allowed it. And that is my problem. I resent it now. Perhaps why recently, I have really focused on me and getting to a better place so that I can be… comfortable and at peace with who I am so that as your quote indicates………. I ultimately am not merely concerned with myself.

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