Last night I woke up in the middle of the night I was so angry with someone in my dream, a few scenes later I confronted the person while we were driving. When we stopped abruptly, I slammed out of the car infuriated at something I could not seem to grasp. When I realized that I’d forgotten my purse in the car, I turned back only to find this person going through my purse and then I woke up!
I was so angry I kept trying to go back to sleep to go kick some major butt! As I look back now fully awake, I realize so clearly now that the person I was so upset with was me!
My mother in law is a Psychologist and one of her fields of expertise is dreams. She has always told me that every dream we have relates back to ourselves. That rule of thought used to frustrate me. I mean lets say we just went to the bank and we dream about a conversation we had with the teller? I’ve argued that the teller was in my dreams because of my experience with them that day. I still teeter on the fact that dreaming about experiences in your day might be just that…. residue from left over stuff in your day. But this recent dream was particularly clear to me that my mother in law’s theory pertained here.
I know that I have been robbing myself of the joy I am meant to have by being so darn angry all the time. I sneak in and fill a sunny day with dark bouts of anger about where my life is. Wanting to blame and judge and just be MAD. As if there were two of me. One opening up the blinds and letting the sun in and the other cheating me of it all by yanking the drapes shut.
In The Master’s Hands
It really is nothing new, I’ve fought it all my life
whether friend, or mother or being someone’s wife
I play the part and dance the steps, I fall and get back up
No matter how hard I’ve tried, it never seems enough
My own reflection in the mirror fights with who I am
struggling to make some sense of it and not knowing if I can
I find myself crying in the dark alleys of my soul
gripping the sides of life as I slip down through it’s hole
And so I cry out in my pain trying to understand
As I feel the strength in the grip of The Master’s Hand
Healing all my wounds through all the years gone by
As God finds me where I am… and makes me want to try.