Affirmation


I’ve been told that I need a lot of it…  Affirmation”  that is. Who knows why? Maybe because I felt silenced when I was younger.

shhh child

Or maybe just not heard. Now, I bubble my stories out to the world. Doesn’t matter if I have known you for one minute or many years. I’ve finally found a voice and my words help me connect.

mountain top

Today my poor sweet husband gets much of the wrath that he does not deserve. Sometimes I feel him nudging me under the table. He says he is protecting me from me. I know he just cares, though I can’t help but feel a little offended and reeled in at times. Even though he probably is right.  Maybe less is more.

hand over mouth

But I feel I’ve been hushed for way too long. The problem is…

my story

I have this story inside of me that I feel needs to be told. A story to empower young girls and perhaps make the men in their lives take a closer look at themselves. When I was younger I was in a very controlling relationship where I plainly just lost “me” for the sake of  “him.”

       mirror brokennnn

Everytime I excused the way he treated me, I lost a little bit of “myself” in the process.

lost love on the beach

There is more to the story and my heart is conflicted in telling it,  for I feel an odd kind of loaylty in the act of forgiveness that happened years later. I understand more now about my abuser and my heart truly does ache for him. But having acknowledged that, I feel that if just one person is taught something then the pain was not wasted. My message is that NO ONE should be hushed. Everyone’s heart deserves to be heard. I think Aibileen said it best to Mae Mobley in “The Help  ” You is strong, you is smart and you is important.” If we were taught that as young girls and didn’t allow anyone to come and challege it, there would be fewer young women in the world allowing the abuse that they experience.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZimx1wHYcs

Our opinions may not fit perfectly in the spaces that others want them to…

puzzle with missing piece

But we have a right to have  them, just as they have a right to have theirs. Somebody needs to wake us up. Perhaps Glinda said it best to Dorothy when she said… “You had the power all along my dear.” 

red slippers

We All Break If We Don’t Bend

split personality mirror

When did she leave? That part of me?

“she’d”  never  have allowed the pain.

I guess she didn’t want to see

the parts that still remained

tea cups on a shelf

like painted tea cups upon a shelf

handled with such care

always worrying  they were too high

so why’d she put them there?

broken tea cups

I know that we all have choices

in the messages we send

I can see it  more clearly now…

We all break if we don’t bend.

dancing in the wind

Diane Reed

2013 ©

Forget what hurt you in the past. But never forget what it
taught you.

46 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Peace, fairness and divorce | Almost Spring
  2. lifeofaministermom
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 15:34:41

    Everyone may not appreciate your intimate thoughts or your heart’s expressions, but that doesn’t make them any less powerful or needed! Your transparency blesses so many, and your message is one that needs to be heard! I’m happy to affirm you, or rather confirm that you are doing what God’s called you to do and that’s what matters!

    Reply

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    Nov 09, 2013 @ 08:56:50

    This is wonderful. I love all the photos in between. Somehow, the shattered cup & saucer really affected me.

    The words, so well punctuated by those pictures: beautiful.

    Reply

  4. The Other Side of Ugly - Letters to Humanity
    Nov 09, 2013 @ 03:00:56

    I chose you dear friend, please pay it forward with love and kindness, in line with who you are. http://theothersideofugly.com/2013/11/09/another-year-of-honor-as-a-blogger/

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Nov 09, 2013 @ 03:59:42

      Sherri,
      Coming from you, I am honored! Thank you! It has been a sweet journey reading your wonderful pearls of wisdom and knowing you are also following me!
      xoxo

      Reply

  5. Unshakable Hope
    Nov 08, 2013 @ 17:20:16

    Wow! Great post, Di! You do have a powerful message to share and can mentor many young women and enlighten men as well. (Mary coaxed me into watching “The Help” and I liked it. After 28 years of marriage, I’ve seen my share of chick-flicks:-)

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Nov 09, 2013 @ 04:02:00

      Bill,
      It was a movie worth seeing. Truly! Huh?
      I love knowing you watched it and liked it! CHICK FLICK and all. LOL.
      Thank you for understanding my heart and passion for the story I feel I need to share. Having your support is like a warm hug!
      xoxo

      Reply

  6. Holistic Wayfarer
    Nov 08, 2013 @ 04:39:03

    I’m glad you got to say this much here. =)

    (You might want to respell: odd kind of loaylty) Delete this part of comment. *wink*

    Reply

  7. writerwannabe763
    Nov 08, 2013 @ 02:47:16

    I think young girls/women need to know that they have a right to expect certain behavior/treatment from others . Everyone does have the need to express themselves … Of course young men do too.. but I think it does pertain more to the female of the species… Diane

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Nov 08, 2013 @ 04:16:41

      Hi Diane,
      Yes. I agree. Men do fall in this category as well but unfortunately, women seem to be leading the parade. I’d like to find a way together to help those who need the courage to lift their voice to find it! Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  8. PapaBear
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 23:19:48

    “We all break if we don’t bend.” Like this, Di ! Nice post.

    Reply

  9. elizabeth2560
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 22:18:03

    Hello, I have read a few of your comments on Louise Gallagher’s blog but have only recently began to follow yours and haven’t yet had time to read many posts.
    These lines in this post attracted my attention “I have this story inside of me that I feel needs to be told….. (yet) feel an odd kind of loyalty in the act of forgiveness”

    I battle with this all the time….. a desire to be able to “tell” the story (in my case, the sudden abandonment of my marriage by my husband) …… and yet remaining true to myself in the act of “forgiveness”, and being a forgiving person.
    I cannot get the two pieces straight in my head.
    If you ever find a solution to this dilemma…. yes please do tell.
    Tell your story.

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Nov 08, 2013 @ 04:31:39

      Elizabeth,
      I guess each of us may have different answers. I just know that my entire life changed because I could not find my voice. The less I was able say, the angrier I became. My anger framed my journey. Finding my voice and, at the same time, the forgiveness within my heart has helped me piece my story together in an entirely different spirit.
      I have embraced this:
      “Forget what hurt you in the past. But never forget what it
      taught you.”
      I can’t say that I have discovered some “magic” closure for pain in any relationship. In my case, I was able to face my past in way of a reunion of sorts., He allowed me to remember every wrong. It was the affirmation I needed to gain my closure. These poems are from that place in my heart I’d lost decades ago. I will use them for my book. As long as they keep coming, I will keep writing until I have full closure. You are a great writer! My suggestion is to start from the deepest part of your pain and keep going until you’ve found restoration! I look forward to our parallel journey!
      xoxo

      Reply

      • elizabeth2560
        Nov 09, 2013 @ 21:00:12

        Thanks for your comment. When you say he allowed you to “remember every wrong”, do you mean wrongs that he did, or do you mean wrongs that you did; and in what way do you mean he ‘allowed’ you to remember?

        I am looking for some closure in areas of my own life, and every little piece of help from others who have been there I am most grateful for. Thanks in advance :)
        .

        Reply

        • coastalmom
          Nov 10, 2013 @ 02:50:01

          Elizabeth,
          You asked:
          When you say he allowed you to “remember every wrong”, do you mean wrongs that he did, or do you mean wrongs that you did; and in what way do you mean he ‘allowed’ you to remember?
          **********************************
          What I meant was: I am writing a book about us… our past… our reconnection… etc. It is in fictional form… names have been changed etc… but it is more like my memoirs (you can find some very rough drafts here if you search under chapters) Anyway, he recorded some of my chapters and sent them to me… They were pretty heavy duty accounts of what happened. He broke in a few places but I can’t explain how validating it was to have him read what I wrote and remember what I remembered. It was magic to hear the words I wrote with the feeling behind each word that I imagined when I wrote them. He gave me a gift that few have ever given me. He made me feel as if he GOT it…. how he hurt me, when… how I felt … how I thought he felt…it was wonderful. I thought i hated him all of these years. God gave us a do-over…of sorts.
          We screwed that up by our own mistakes… overstepping boundaries etc…I’m married and I don’t want to mess that up. His finding me again kind of interrupted life as I knew it for a while… for a couple of years… now I am writing about it… to help others not make the same mistakes that I did. The recent poems…are all part of the project I am working on.
          Thanks for your interest. My email info is on my contact page if you’d like to write me privately. I will be praying for your journey through this! That you come out stronger than you went in and in turn, you can help others as they are inspired by your strength!
          xoxo

          Reply

          • elizabeth2560
            Nov 16, 2013 @ 08:51:55

            Thanks for the long reply. I really appreciate it. I am busy over the next two weeks as I have my mother staying with me, but when she goes I might take you up again to have some more one-on-one cyber ‘conversations.
            I am inspired by your writing and your honesty.
            Thank you

            Reply

  10. Mari
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 20:17:04

    This is so beautifully honest and heartfelt, Diane. I am the same way. I doubt myself a lot still and I seem to need affirmation constantly, so I give it away as often as I can because I truly do believe that we give, we receive. I’m getting better at knowing the difference between needing validation and needing affirmation.

    Thank you for sharing this!

    Reply

    • coastalmom
      Nov 08, 2013 @ 04:35:51

      Mari, I love your heart and your writing reflects such a genuine transparency that I get chills reading your words! Just knowing that each one of us share a vulnerability and yet really have had the power all along… empowers me!
      Thank you for reading and sharing! I am honored you read my words!
      xoxo

      Reply

  11. D.G.Kaye
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 16:35:03

    So sad yet beautiful my friend. I have been there, silenced words, gratefully I had learned to bend. You will find this in my book! Empowered women! xo

    Reply

  12. Let's CUT the Crap!Te
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 15:15:20

    Lovely and true. ;-)

    Reply

  13. DianaBee (@BloggerDi)
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 13:49:59

    Yes, yes and YES to your words of truth and comfort. Thank you.

    Reply

  14. Shoes Summerfield
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 11:29:38

    Shout your stories from the rooftops! You have a voice (and a mighty good one) here; so by all means, be heard (read)!

    Reply

  15. Trackback: Affirmation | Ta hendene til din kjære – se på dem og hold dem hardt Disse hendene skal du følge, leie og lede. Du skal få føle på varmen fra dem og kjenne en inderlig glede. De skal stryke deg og de skal holde rundt deg – de er ikke skapt for
  16. barbarafranken
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 11:05:43

    Stories from the heart are so inspiring and beautiful.. thanks for sharing.. Barbara

    Reply

  17. The Other Side of Ugly - Letters to Humanity
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 05:03:52

    Very beautiful Diane because it is very true.

    Reply

  18. jimgramze
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 04:39:37

    Yes.

    Reply

  19. Melia Alexander
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 04:34:53

    Oh, Diane, this is beautiful! And such a powerful message, too!

    Reply

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