broken

I can’t seem to escape this place that I’m in.

I’m overwhelmed and the tears begin

I feel trapped in here.

Inside the walls of despair

The sadness floods me like a sob

and i can’t catch my breath.

It is like that feeling you get as a kid,

when you cry for no reason and for everything sad…

all in one good sitting.

sad girl tears

I am sad for my pain and for all those I know afflicted.

I am sad for the unfairness of it all,

and for the answers I can’t find,

and for the ignorance I feel inside the years

where wisdom should be.

girl dragging the past hobby horse

I am sad for all of my failures and unmet goals

and for the place that I know I should be grateful.

I am sad for the holes I can’t seem to fill.

holes in bucket

and for the life passing too quickly before I can make a difference.

I am sad that I am so old and yet I still feel so young.

When am I going to feel like I’ve arrived?

When am I going to GET it?

When am I going to feel Gotten?

When am I ever going to escape this place?

I can’t seem to get out of here…

I am stuck inside my very own tear!

tearrr

Diane Reed

2014

 

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32 thoughts on “Inside this tear

  1. Hi Di,
    Well written. I think everyone passes through those times you are describing but most of us find the strength and determination to weather them and come out stronger and better. Hugs!
    Paul

    1. Thank you Paul,
      As Natalie said so eloquently, it was time for me to burst through my tear and I think I have been figuring out why I have been getting stuck. Pat shared a great analogy about how if we keep going down the same path and falling in the same hole, eventually we realize what we are doing and switch routes!
      xoxo

      1. So what happens when you switch routes…, you fall into a different hole !!! Hahahaha !!! 🙂 Like the man said, “Smile, things could be worse..” So I smiled…, and sure enough, they got worse ! Ha ! Hugs!

  2. Dear Diane, you have so much to feel happy about, please go there. You are such a compassionate, beautiful person. You give so much to others from your heart, you have blessings you may not even have counted. Please find them and make peace with your heart. I love you. xo

  3. Oh I’m so sorry that you are stuck in such sadness. I do love your expression of being stuck inside you own tears. I’ve been experiencing some of that myself and it’s not fun at all. I pray soon the tear breaks open and love’s light floods in. Blessings, Natalie 🙂

    1. Natalie,
      I also will pray for you! I am beginning to see the light. I think that it is refreshing that we can be so honest here and hold each other up. I had no idea that so many who are my spiritual heros also have those dark times. It gives me hope that we are all human and that God understands us right where we are and knows we will be back! I love your poetic ending and I think that it has done just that! The tear has broken! Another great idea for a poem thanks! I thinK I will dedicate the next one to you! 😉
      xoxo
      di

      1. Thank you, Diane. We all have “dark nights of the soul” and the Lord expects us to see each through them and to lift up the ones stuck in their “tears.” Oh I think God fully understands the human condition and never leaves us even when we turn our backs on him. A long time ago I did that for some time and when I came back He was right where He’d always been. He does NOT let go of His children any more than we’d let go of ours. So you just feel free at any time to lean on me when the days and nights are long and cold and hard!!! Hugs and love, Natalie 🙂

  4. “I can’t seem to get out of here…

    I am stuck inside my very own tear!”

    That says so much.

    I read the exchange of comments on this post, and would you like to know what it felt like? It felt like I was in church…the way church is supposed to be. It was/ is so real…that connection. Not only was your poem beautiful, but it brought sharing out of others and comforting. I am so glad I got to be here in the midst. God bless you!

    Theresa

    1. Theresa,
      Right? I felt the same way when i came back and found ALL the wonderful gathering of “friends” rallying around me here. I must admit that things were put into perspective for me. By you guys and your sweet messages and then I just woke up to a message from my daughter who experienced a 5.1 earthquake in southern California tonight. She was upset and texted me. I was reminded about how blessed I am. If you remember another earlier earthquake story of ours. I guess EVERYTHING is relative. There is so much more. Sometimes it is just about getting “unstuck” 😉
      Thank YOU for being one of my glue removers♡

    1. Thank you for your honesty. They say that misery loves company but I think that that there is so much more to it, and if you have faith and hope, it helps to know that others who have been strong also have moments of weakness. I think that perhaps we are allowed to have them all so that we can appreciate the times of joy when they come and know the difference and figure out how to have more of those. I will pray for you. It is nice to know that God still listens to us pray for others when we don’t know how to pray for ourselves and just in the sharing like right this very second as I am writing this to you, I am being lifted.
      xoxo

      1. Amen. So true! I used the exact same system to escape my trap earlier this week. By comforting, supporting and praying for others through my own trial I was lifted out! I will pray for you also Sweet Sister! xo

  5. I know this pain. You described it well. I hope these are your thoughts on a time that has past and that it’s not about your present. Be kind to yourself.

    1. Sandra,
      Actually, I know in my head that I have so much to be thankful for and at times I am almost scared to share when I feel defeat because I can remember my dad saying… “Are you crying? Really? Well, then let me give you something to really cry about !” Of course he never did. I wasn’t abused or anything like that. But I do remember being told that and sometimes I worry that God who also is a good Father and doesn’t abuse us might want to roll HIS eyes and say “Seriously are you really crying Diane? Well, I can give give you something to cry about!” But I KNOW HE is not that kind of a Heavenly Father. I am also touched how so many Sprirtual Giants here have shared their own stuggles and it gives me hope that perhaps we all have times that we might call valleys.
      Thank you Sandra for your sweet words. I really am okay. I just thought I’d take a chance at being real today and I was rewarded by a lot of loving!
      xoxo
      di

  6. Diane…when I read this I got this anxious feeling in my core…like I was falling from a high place. It’s beautiful, but it hurts. It hurts because you managed to put words to how I am feeling at this present moment. It hurts that you may hurt like I do sometimes.

    I agree with Arlene. We cannot simply succumb to the heartache and feelings of impending doom and inferiority. We have to fight our inner critics and the voice of the enemy.

    You are my friend. I hold you in such high regards and I dearly love you…

    xoxo,
    Ava

    1. My Sweet Ava….
      I think it is beccause we live in a fallen world. And I think we connected cuz I GET your highs and lows more than you think I do. In my head, I know I will connect with the JOY again and I can fake it pretty well most days. But if I think too deeply on any level lately I could easily burst out crying and never tell you why but in my head and heart probably list a million reasons. I am just in a very frustrated place right now but it will pass. I know. God is good and that never changes. The places I go just do. He is constant and that is a comfort.
      I love you too.
      xoxo

        1. Wow. Thank you. EVERYONE should watch that!!!!!! I need to go watch it again and again. It is weird because I feel as if my soul is that age.
          Thank you for taking the time to share! Of course I’m crying again. But this time it’s good.
          xoxo

  7. I don’t often quote scripture but when I was in the midst of depression (recurring and often) and I was in the place of overwhelming sadness… I would remember the scripture that says that ‘God is not the author of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind’ . Your mind is cluttered right now and you can’t seem to unclutter it… I would never ever invalidate how you feel… it is what it is… Maybe every time a negative thought comes to your mind try immediately to picture that feeling or word…leaving your mind and replace it with a positive or opposite word coming into your mind …. (I don’t mean to sound like a therapist …only someone who’s been there often and coping mechanisms that I used) Diane

    1. Diane,
      No, you are very right. My mind has been very cluttered. I can project situations and totally work myself up into getting upset and then it’s not even what I imagined it to be.. You are absolutely 100 % correct! Thank you for sharing and wanting to help 😉
      xoxo

  8. It is not only children who cry oceans of tears at one sitting, not knowing why but feeling all the pain of years gone by. It is not only children who weep rivers that flow at once, reminding them of all the fill they cannot find.

    It is called release and renewal, and just like spring, it waters seeds of flowers that will grow into blossoms of hope.

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