running through the field2

We live in a world of instant gratification. Of fast food drive thrus and microwaves, where the click of a key allows us to pay a bill, buy a birthday present or reconnect with your past, all in a quick minute. We have remote controls to change a channel, turn up or down the volume, and turn off and on lights, we can now, even start our car from inside our house! They even have new techniques where a machine does stomach crunches for you with electric shock rather than good old-fashioned sit ups! So we’ve become entitled creatures of habit and expectation.

I’m sorry but it’s just not that easy. A good old-fashioned sweaty jog around the block a few times is better than some magic pill. I know. I’ve lost and gained and lost and gained the same freaking thirty then forty and now fifty pounds over my lifetime and am heading toward losing again! Hopefully!!!! And have found that it is in the hard work of counting calories and maybe being a little uncomfortably hungry to see the results. Things worth working for take time. And it in the discomfort where we learn the most! I find it so funny when someone asks me how I lost weight when I have in the past, and answered Weight Watchers and seen their disappointment. Everyone wants me to have disovered this magical way of losing so they can get in on the secret. When in fact, there is no secret other than calories in and calories out. Sorry. And if you watch Bambi a thousand times, his mom still dies. 😦

 I think the same goes for all things in life worth working for. We have to go to school for approximately 12 years in order to graduate. Not all twelve years is pleasant but in the end the accomplishment is worth the work.

I know that when I was a young mom, newly married, with a baby and a full-time job and not much help from my husband in way of child care or helping around the house, I wished that I could fast forward everything to an easier time. And to all the young moms out there, I am here to tell you all that you don’t need to push that button, it happens faster than you ever can imagine! Suddenly, those babies are getting married and having babies of their own. I look back and remember how overwhelming it all  was and wonder…. how can I even miss those chaotic days  now? Well, I do. At least from time to time. And I wonder…  Did I remember to kiss those fat smudged cheeks enough? Did I breathe in the smell of freshly washed baby hair as many times as possible? Or did I just rush through their baths to get some “me time”? I am here to tell you that you WILL get your share of “me time” soon enough. So enjoy being without a moment to call your own, because eventually they will be abundant and you will want to rewind back to the crazy days when you had no help and thought it was too much to handle. Or at least put NOW on pause and someday realize that even though some days are really hard, they will someday be your Good Old Days. I know, I look back and wonder what was really that hard? Don’t get me wrong. I remember the panic and pain I felt, but wow, there were some pretty great times that I missed altogether just being so upset.

I also remember how disappointed in my marriage I was. How selfish my once very attentive and handsome young husband suddenly seemed to become. I mean, we were both working full-time jobs. It seemed as if he checked out as soon as he walked in the door. Popping a can of beer and turning on some game, totally tuning me out. I felt so alone and disillusioned. Hind sight is 20/20. I look back at all the hard times and see where I could have handled them differently, where my reactions could have been more clever. And yeah, if you want to call that game playing, well I wish I’d played more games!  I also see why I am so desperate for affrimation now. I wish that my marriage hadn’t ended in divorce the first time around. I wish I could show that I appreciate my much more attentive (somewhat more helpful)  🙂  husband now. At least he keeps my car maintained and fixes my computer issues and loves me like no one else has. I guess I can pick up his dirty clothes and rinse the dishes he leaves in the sink a little more lovingly. 😀

I guess my point is, that in that first marriage I was disappointed in, or the diet that seems to be a constant test, or the job where I know that I  definitely deserve better, or wherever it is that I need validating in, it is not a fast fix. Things take time, (as for my job… maybe ten years is enough! ) But in the meantime, we need to gather the lessons learned and see that the solution may not happen like an instant breakfast or flicking a remote control, it may take time to really get it right, but it is in the lesson where the magic is! And I guess the magic is…. realizing that every moment is important and it is up to us define every single one!

quoteYou-only-live-once

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55 thoughts on “It’s in the discomfort where we learn the MOST

  1. This is just so wonderfully done Diane! I agree with you about the instant gratification and on looking back on life seeing things we could have changed or done differently… I loved this! And yes, I’ve heard a similar line about things in the end well in the end, and if not…. then it’s obviously not the end. 😀

  2. Yes, so beautifully put Di. It is in these moments that wisdom grows…if we learn to pause and reflect. I hope you have seen the film ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’…? It’s brilliant. There is a line in that film from Sonny Kapoor: ‘Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.’ Keep writing your observations and your Di, they are a delight. Thanks. ❤ xX

    1. yes I LOVE THAT LINE TOO. Greta movie. Just the other day I said to my husband life is like movie. I want to see our ends. Ususally movies have hopeful endings . I want to see if my daughter finds happiness will my son find happiness Will I ever get to be a grandmother etc. My daughter is autistic living in a group home situation . My son is dating what I think is the wrong girl Lets see if they get married have children get divorced etc and what o me and my husband hat will we do etc

    2. Jane,
      what a wonderful comment to find to begin my morning! Thank you!
      I will have to look up that movie! I love that line! YOU got exactly what I was trying to say!
      The message we are supposed to get may not be as quick as we’d like. I know that it has taken years for me to understand some lessons that I know God has for me! And I have a feeling that He probably meant for me to GET them in a shorter amount of time in some cases. But what would we have missed if we learned everything instantly? I am constantly proving that you can always teach an old dog new tricks! Lol. Though, THIS dog may have grown old learning them! 🙂

      1. Ah, such kindred spirits Di….you know sometimes I have gone back down the same road again, to reach the same destination…after all, I may, just may get a different outcome the second time around. No? Oh bollocks, well, at least I can say I double, double checked and got the wisdom on that one in the end. Sorry God, I know there is no time in spirit, but there must be times I sorely test patience up there with how long it takes me to ‘get’ it. We may, you and I, have lumps and bumps, affectionately lost, gained, and hopefully will lose again, the same blessed pounds, wear our facially expressive lines and with hard won humour and maintain our witty way of looking at life…but Oh my lovely friend, we have lived and earnt every single bit of experience thus far…I raise my hat to you (yes, I will make it an outrageous decorated one) and say ‘Hey, here’s to the next chapter…..pants over tights and let’s flick our capes’. ❤ xXx

  3. So thoughtfully written. We can learn from looking in the rear view mirror. At least some do. Enjoyed your post. Sue
    Womenlivinglifeafter50.com

    1. Hi Sue!
      Thanks so much for stopping by to read! I have been so BAD lately but really trying to stay focused. And yet don’t want to ever lose touch with faithful friends here! My soft place to fall and place where I find unconditional support and the kind of friends I wish I could gather for a party with!!!! YOU included!
      Thanks again for your time. I know it is valuable to us all!
      xoxo
      di

  4. Lovely to see you back here Di! What a wonderful post. Sometimes life in the fast lane blinds us to the little things we take for granted. We must remember it’s not only the destination, but the ride to there. xo 🙂

    1. Debbie,
      I have missed you! so sorry that I have been absent for a while! As always my book is the culpret! I keep going back and taking chunks of it, read it and rewrite. While I am trying to finish my last chapter!
      Thanks for still loyally coming by to see what I write when I do! As always, your words are wise and ring true!
      xoxo
      di

      1. I know exactly how busy you are my friend. I am getting my next book ready for the editor, so I know how time goes by. You know I always visit when you make an appearance! I’m sooooooo happy that you are doing the book! And I can’t wait for my copy! xo

        1. How exciting for you! YOU are my template of how to just do it!!!!!
          Hey were you the one who turned me on to: My other ex? by the editors of Her Stories? I just received it and can’t put it down!

    1. Theresa its called midlife crises I feel the same way sometimes but in reality I realize im right where im supposed to be I married the right person for me . For some reason I did not marry anyone else I was in love with I just followed my sixth seventh and eighth sense and for whatever reason thought I would not be happywith them. I married when I was ready and have stayed married for almost 25 years

      1. Thank you for those encouraging words! I’m afraid that my comment was misleading. I have been married for 27 years now to a man I just adore. My sadness and desire to go back in time has to do with my kids. My youngest left the nest recently, and although we were extremely close…we had a falling out a few months later and she will not speak to me. I am just broken hearted and hoping she will eventually come around and let me back into her life. She is 20.

        1. Theresa,
          I will be praying for a healing in your relationship! If she came from you, I know that she has a tender heart and that it will soften!!!! 20 is a hard age. We are trying to figure things out. She will figure out that you want the best for her and be back! I KNOW. And my prayer is that it will be soon!
          xoxo
          di

  5. Love your words and I can look back with 20/20 hind vision and I do not really like what I see. However the things I have been through have made me the person I am today. I still struggle with who I am but I can say hubby and I have endured extremely hard times and it is only because of God intervening that we are still together. I am blessed to have him still in my life after 28 years. I so wish I had made different decisions but we are where we are now and it’s good. Time is aloof…. it passes the same today as it did 30 years ago but it “seems” to fly faster and faster the older we get. I try to give the same advice to young couples and parents. Appreciate what you have right this moment because they are 3 years old today and HAVE a year old tomorrow…. 🙂

  6. The interesting thing about my marriage is that my husband was constantly of low mood and I could never understand him. Now that I have had my own three years of trudging through grief (triggered by him leaving me); I can empathize more with those people who are of low mood. Ironic isn’t it, that the separation has given me more understanding of his disposition.

  7. If your (and mine) “if only” were realised then, we would not be conversing now Diane. Our paths would have taken such a different course; we may have never blogged, met or said “hi !”. So, just maybe, some good has come from not activating the “if only” my friend. Have a lovely week. xox ❤

    1. Patricia,
      I was so blessed to come back and read all the responses here! What a gift!
      I loved what you said; Lessons are meant for growth and not punishment! Epic! Thank you soooo much for taking the time to read!
      xoxo

  8. Reading your post provided me with a very different perspective to looking at things…small details do matter…especially in marriage. I loved how insightful it was Diane.
    Love, Zee ❤

  9. I’ve read that life is learning what not to do … but I agree with you that we can react to people in many ways, and if one way seems like game playing or manipulation well that’s ok, because if the person who is the object of that attention (affection?) benefits – especially in a soulful way – then there is no harm. Great blog, and so good to hear from you. We continue to grow every day of our life, and I can see that you continue to grow closer to your true self … All the best – Peter

  10. ah the benefits of age and going through all we had to get through to get here which is why in a sane non obsessive moment I can never go back to my fl or any other old love that I had why go backwards when there are so many other things to do you already know what your going to get with an fl as long as you realize that you know what your going to get and its not the happy life in your imagination the one with no illness a happy traveling life with a lot of money its just a regular old life with different and perhaps greater problems than you have now

    1. Bill, I am humbled by you! YOU are the best teacher I know! I wish you could know how you have impacted my life. I have cried reading your posts out loud to whoever would listen! I want to spread your message! You have made me want to be better!
      xoxo

  11. Hello lovely Di! There is a quote in a story by Stuart McLean that goes something like…. if the ending doesn’t fit well, the stories not over yet — something to that effect.

    I think when we go through those ‘not so good’ times, it is just part of the getting to the good times.

    And you my friend, are filled with stories of good times to be told!

    Hugs

    1. Louise,
      I love you. You are such a gift of encouragement and I just can’t get over how everything you write, whether it is post or a comment, teaches me every time I ever read anything that you have penned! I am so blessed to have found you and to say that I know you! You teach me everyday! What a life coach you are!!!!!
      xoxo

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