girls gossiping

I am not sure if it is the mind works™ supplements that I am taking from Shaklee™  or if I am just becoming more aware but I have realized that even though I am in a very good place right now, I can get sucked back into a place that I don’t want to be, in a matter of minutes. I have recently run into friends from where I used to work or they have actually come by to visit me and in a matter of zero to sixty, I can find myself right back in that place of dysfunction talking about the past. I have decided that I don’t want to go there ever again. I am not there anymore, I have moved on, both physically, and metaphorphically speaking and it feels good. I rarely think about it and so I have to ask myself why is it so easy to go there when the opportunity arises?

Today something happened that I just couldn’t get past and it almost ruined my day. A few years ago, it would have. But today I felt that I was stuck and worked my way through it. I have recognized how in the past I used to fall down into a very negative place and wallow in it until I couldn’t find a way out. Today, I felt under attack.  A dark spirit tried to rob me of the joy of Easter. I missed the message, I was so obssessed with something that I just couldn’t get past it. And then I did. I mean, I just did.

praying in pew

I can’t explain it, other than I made the choice to let it go and move on. I am not going to say that it was easy. I am not going to say that I didn’t want to rehash the particular issue I was having. But for the first time, I realized that it was up to me to just let it go or not, to stay stuck or move on. To make the choice to have a good time or not. If I stayed stuck the only person that I was really hurting was me. And so I thought about it, about laying it at the foot of the cross and deciding to let go.

Cross at dusk

I also realized that there has always been something about Easter that turns into a bad day. Historcally in my past Easters something negative happens and that is just silly because fifty Easters ago, I asked Jesus to come into my heart, so that is a good thing right? Over the years, I understood more about it but it was an Easter Sunday when I was seven years old that made that Easter special for me.

Jesus kissing praying girl

I guess I am sharing this because lately, I have a heightened awareness of the choices we have. Everything is a choice. And our attitude is the tool that steers us. In sailing, we tack back and forth as the wind fills our sails and pushes us to our destinations. If we let down our sails, what will happen? We stop. We are stuck.We know that all we have to do is put up those sails again to continue. So why is it so hard sometimes to put those sails back up?

sailboat

I have been so stubborn. Today I dropped those sails and missed the wind, I just stopped and felt mad and sad and stuck and then God basically asked me what I was doing, and what was the point. He told me to put the sails back up. I thought about. It was my choice. And then I did.

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50 thoughts on “And then I did.

  1. Hey Coastal Mom!
    Nice seeing you again.
    Thank you for visiting my blog and liking my posts. The one about the headlines I just wrote and published this morning. Nice seeing you again.
    Janice

  2. I need your blog posts sent directly to my brain! lol. So much wisdom and always so perfect for where I am at. I love reading stories of transformation like this one. It is so inspiring that you had the tools to get out of of the rut and you did it – you didn’t give into the feelings.

    1. Merryn,
      And I needed your AFFIRMATIONS this morning! Like you’ll never know! God is so good all the time! Isn’t HE?
      Love it! And that we are HIS tools to help each other! And that I can feel an automatic love for you and not even know you and yet I do! Ya know? lol.
      Thank you!!! Loved your post this morning too! My phone was dying when I read it so I couldn’t respond but it was the greatest! I love how you add verses and lessons! I need to do that more often!
      xoxo
      di

      1. I made a firm decision to be like the Psalmist and turn a negative rant into a positive lesson (for myself included)! I have been stressed out of my brain off and on since the end of last year ; no anti-depressants to mask it now – I’m using the Word of God to renew my mind 🙂 . God is so good – He even chooses to use me when I have been like a rebellious teenager in my attitudes of late. I am finding that as I pray, my heart softens, then I can make some sense of the tangled mess of my thoughts and emotions. My friend told me the other day that an anxious life is like a cotton ball that is all tangled up and as we learn to deal with the root causes, one by one, each strand is untangled (and put back as it should be). This was so empowering that I resolved to use everything I can as writing fodder and to make me grow – it was wonderful to think that I can move onwards and upwards, one step at a time! Was so great checking back into your blog tonight – I haven’t been able to find time to read a whole lot the past few months, but it was so refreshing to do so. I’m the same – I feel a connection to you at the heart/ spirit level even though I don’t know you apart from your blog. God knows the kind of friends I need right now, and I thank Him for you – such a blessing! 🙂

  3. HI,
    This is beautiful. It’s about the perseverance of the spirit. I read on a church marqui recently that life is about getting up when we fall, not about not falling. You have proven that. Thank you for sharing.
    Thank you as well for visiting my site today. I don’t think we’ve interacted before. I’m so glad you liked my blogging directory post. Nice to meet you.
    Janice

    1. What a sweet comment! I love the saying Fall down seven times, stand up 8! I think we all need to remember it’s all about the attitude of what we carry. And people like you inspire us to do just that! I love your blog, it is the BEST! So informative! Everyone should check it out!

    1. Ahh Bill you always put things in perspective for me my friend. I’m still praying in our lifetime we find a miracle for ALS! I am so glad you are out and God is good all the time!

  4. That mind of ours is always under attack! It’s so important to hold on to God’s unchanging promises and unfailing words, in order to stop ourselves from going “there”. It’s so great that you recognized that. We are always growing, works in progress, and the way you share your growth truly inspires me!!

    1. You are so right and usually over such stupid things! Always obsessing on things so not important. Thank you for always making me smile and feel as if there is a special friend that is my prayer partner for life💖

  5. We never stop growing my friend, and making that career move has taught you a lot. It’s not the supplements, it’s you finally understanding. And tomorrow you will learn something else. You are only now taking in life and claiming your inner happiness. Stand tall! xo

    1. Yes Deb,
      I agree the change in careers has been a very positive thing! Though I have gotta say that this mind works supplement is amazing. I really do feel better. But I think you’re right… it is probably me growing. I never like to give myself credit but I talked about yesterday with my hubby and we were able to lovingly talk about it without a total melt down… (that is me having one) lol.
      xoxo

  6. You are most welcome. 🙂 You write well, so to me it wasn’t hard to understand and get your point, I hope you’re having a “good” day. 🙂

  7. One of the worst things you can do is be around toxic people , negative people , miserable people just people who make you feel it’s wrong to be happy . My darling if you want to enjoy Easter and be happy do it …I am cheering you all the way .
    Cherryx

    1. Cherry,
      The bad thing is… I think that I’ve finally realized that “I” have been the toxic one all these years… sigh… lol.. 😉
      Thank you for being on my team though! Love the support!

  8. I think Di when we leave toxic environments, the healing takes time — and being reminded of those environments can challenge our healing process. It is soooo easy to slip back into the negativity, the wanting to rationalize, justify, defend our decision — and I think for me, there’s a place where I want those still ‘there’ to ‘see the light’. 🙂

    I love how you came through it and saw it for what it was. Such power and truth in your words.

    Many blessings and love my friend.

    1. Louise,
      You make me just want to hang out with you! YOU and I relate in such similar ways and though I feel as if you are EONs ahead of me in growth and strength! I love being a part of your journey! You inspire me!
      Blessings and love right back to you my friend!

  9. I can so identify…. especially about bad vibes hitting me around Easter and Christmas but especially Easter. It happened before I was aware and one night I got so ‘down’ and crying and wondering about my faith etc etc. and like an Oprah moment..it occurred to me that at least the last 3 Easters the same thing happened only this year I caught it faster than previous years…. I prayed and the dark lifted… Diane

    1. Diane,
      I guess that’s it. Even though I don’t truly understand “why” I can catch it now that I actually felt it happening and realized that I had the control! Thank you for sharing my friend!
      xoxo

  10. Love! So much love for this! It is a choice and you are right – it’s not always easy, in fact, sometimes it’s down right hard!! It would be so much easier to get sucked down and spiral and it takes such faith to just put the sails back up!

    1. Kate,
      Lol. Yes! You are right! When you mentioned how much easier it would be to just let the negative happen, I could feel how I let it happen a lot. Just letting the darkness kick me in that hole. I mean you are right, having to put the sails back up and trying to catch the wind is more work than just sitting there stuck! Eeeew and I soooo was gonna just SIT there!! Lol. But then I’d have no one to blame but me. Funny how I was SO invested in what I was mad at yesterday and though I still think I had a valid point, it seems a little sillier today. 😉

      1. You DID have a valid point, and you have the right to the emotion it brought up… but how awesome it was that you didn’t hoard it and hang onto it! 🙂 As we grow, or, as I’m growing, I tend to forget that anger is an emotion I’m allowed to have, I’m allowed to get mad, but I’m not allowed to harm others or myself in that state! It takes a big step of bravery to feel, acknowledge and release it! 🙂

  11. D –
    Think of the reverberation of sound in a long corridor, or across a valley, the sound rings back and forth, in ever decreasing echoes, until the energy has spent itself in trying to relive its moment of creation. So it is with life, as we change the landscape of our mind, the echoes of what was will linger, growing softer and fading away. Mind is far more pliable than earth, so beware, as the sounds can shape its landscape, so will is required to maintain the beauty we have chosen to embrace, others will try to bring it down, we always have a choice …’tis not the wind, but the set of the sails determines the way we go …
    gfs

    1. Peter,
      EXACTLY! I just got done replying to Ann about that very thing. Us making the choice. In her life, forgiving. In my life forgiving and recognizing that I have the choice to change the landscape up and have the echo say something different! Funny how simply complicated we make it!😕😊

  12. Powerful and positive post Diane.
    You know when we are in a spirit-filled space, grateful to God for our blessings, in prayer, and especially times like Easter when we are feeling even closer to Christ that satan tries his best to bring us down!!!
    I am so happy for you that you rose up away from the pit satan tried to dump you in; and you let go of the negative stuff 🙂 Yippee!

    1. Ann,
      Once again you nailed it! I totally felt the attack! You described it perfectly. I know that Easter has always been a source of joy for all of us believers and yet its been a douce of tension for me. Thank you for your insight! 💖

      1. My unhappy holiday is Valentine day. It has never been a happy day for me, and also it was on a Valentine day that I knew I was being cheated on during both marriages 🙂 I am grateful to be done with both of them and learned to forgive and let go. It is a gift to self when we can forgive and Let Go!

        1. Ann,
          I can certainly understand why Valentines day would not be a very happy holiday for you! I am so sorry. It is still kind of a mystery for me about Easter. I actually have been trying to remember what’s happened and I don’t think it started until I remarried. So its been in the last twenty or so years. My husband loves church and it’s weird, all I ever wanted was a husband that loves church. So I think it may be of my own doing, in my own head. But I resent guilt trips or feeling forced to do something and I’ve always felt high expectations on that day. When my daughter complained that Easter seemed to be a stressful holiday for us (when she was probably in Jr high) I began noticing that she was right. Yesterday was me getting upset over something that was my own problem. Just my husband and me. I’m working on me lately and so I thought about it and decided to change it up this year. And you know, it actually ended okay. I mean Easter is all about Jesus, and it was my first memory of my relationship with Him. Why should I make it a bad day? It made me think about how everything is my choice. Not just a certain day, and when you (I) realize that. A lot of things have changed for the better.👍

          1. As you always wanted a husband who “loves church” it does seems strange it is only since you married that this started happening. Did you always attend church on Easter before? Does he seem stronger in his faith and church?
            One day last week as I was reading one of my devotionals it was about sometimes God waits for us to deal with something in our lives before He can give us something else. So I asked God what I was stuck on that needing changing/healing/forgivng! The answer came quickly and made me see the light, and now I am working on that very issue. Strange, but I knew I had that particular issue, but when He sent me that Aha! moment, loud and clear, it made a difference. So grateful for His blessings.

            1. Wow Ann,
              Such great insights. I think that I don’t like being told what to do. I know that this isn’t the case, but I feel as if I fall short. And I don’t like being told what to do. I think that I kind of misinterpret his approach. He “expects” me to go to church and be a church lady… Sorry that term is a little mocking and I don’t mean it to be… But I want to do what my heart tells me to… not what my husband would like me to do. I sometimes feel he is about “appearances” doing what will make us look good rather than knowing most likely he is wanting me to do it for “me” because it will make me feel good. Sometimes after working all week and coming home to clean, etc.. I just don’t want to go back to town (a 12 mile drive) to go to church. ARGhhhh!!! How horrible does that sound? After I prayed for a church going husband!?! And then the guilt begins and it is a vicious cycle. I am rebellious in nature I guess.
              😦 But good things for me think on and pray about! Thank you!xoxo

              1. Oh my goodness, I was thinking actually thinking those things, but held back from saying so. I am the same way about life in general, I don’t like being TOLD what I should do. In many ways I march to my own drum, do things my way. Maybe I am just not meant to be married. I often say I would enjoy a good man in my life as a great friend/companion and if God connected us because we would be perfect as a couple then He (God) would probably need to hit me over the head with a two by four!! 🙂
                Could you sit down and talk with your husband about the issue? Maybe if you explain that some times how he says things, as much as you love him, it makes you feel as if he is being controlling.
                Also, could you not go to a church much closer to home?

                1. Ann,
                  I think that I feel cornered a lot. I work in a job that I love. But I still take a lot of direction, though this job sets me free a lot more than my last job does. I don’t want to come home and take more directions and I need free time as well. My days off are pretty much taken up by my husband’s plans. I think that should be expected when we don’t have a lot of together time… It’s just one of my days off falls on a Sunday. Even when we had our store or I did artshows… I was very protective over my free time… cuz I had none I guess. LOL. I really need to just appreciate my husband and his desires because I know I’d miss it all if I didn’t have them! THAT is the catch 22 that drives me crazy!
                  xoxo

                  1. That reminds me… have often heard that in some circumstances we need to pray for God to change our hearts, our attitudes and more times than not, when we change the other person changes as well! 🙂 My current issue that God wants me to change is my attitude about a lot of things in my life, mostly small stuff!!! So I have to keep asking God for His help, know that we can do all things through Him.

  13. Surprise, surprise – I really identified with this post. Sometimes I feel that there are so many triggers around me that my joy gets shot full of holes before I know what hit me! My day started out great but somewhere between daybreak and lunchtime, I got more and more edgy and then my mood went from edgy to anger and from anger to tears! I began reflecting on my disappointment of a dysfunctional extended family (no unit to speak of) and wanting to retreat into a cocoon of poor-me. The difficult line I find is between the importance of validating how this or that made us feel and thereby, cutting ourselves a break for the impact it had on our thinking/actions, etc., but then to move from the acknowledgement and validation phase to the healing and getting over it! Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you pulled your own rear out of the ditch which we have to do from time to time! :0

    1. Tina,
      Wow. I relate so much with you! You write so,well that I felt so connected with you as I joined you on your day. I totally could feel your frustration and disappointment. I kind of felt as if I was being a little unreasonable and a little sensitive but I felt my feelings were valid and as I sat in church I missed most of the message obsessing on my anger. The deal was I knowingly decided to let it go and at first it was like pulling a bandaid off but in the end, the trade off for compromising was having a better Easter than usual and made me realize it is possible! 😉💖

    1. LOL. Mine is 27. I used to send her care packages with Chocolate bunnies. Now I just texted her and said I missed making her Easter Baskets. Thank you for sharing! It helps to know we all have rodents up there!

  14. Holidays are tough for me too. It is very easy to get down on oneself, particularly, when we should be happy. If we could remove the shoulds and the shame associated with should, life would be better. Thanks.

    1. Brent,
      Thank you for reading and for your comment. It is kind of funny, I never realized, or let me rephrase that, I actually did realize that Easter was a tough one for me for some reason. There always seemed to be a fight and now that my kids are out of the house and on their own, I am just glad that they don’t have to suffer through the fights. I know my daughter even mentioned that she didn’t like Easter because of it. So I guess I do have to own it. And how sad to have your own kid be afraid of something as special as Easter!
      But I used to be a counselor in a Psych Ward in my 20s and it is true, the census was usually full or close to it on all holidays so you touch on something that I need to recognize! Thank you for sharing!
      I hope you had a happy one today!

  15. Job well done. You should be very proud of yourself. You wanted to go “there” so badly, but you were able to get around it and not fall back into that deep, dark hole. This is a very inspiring post. Hope you had a “good” day, when all is said and done. Take care.xx 🙂

    1. Thank you so much tlohuis!
      For taking the time to read and then comment but also to totally GET what my point was!
      Soooo appreciated!
      Happy Easter! Thanks again!

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