This one’s for you Natalie!! Thank you!!! I deleted this one and wasn’t going to post it because it seems as if all of my posts seem to be about some aha moment where I am pulling myself out of a bad attitude… but your sweet note made me rethink it! So as I said, pulling this one out of the trash, AND… THIS one’s for you my friend! 🙂
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Sometimes it feels as if I have been sucker punched when I look into the mirror lately. It’s not because I’m not that tanned sized five young girl any longer. It’s much more than that. I could handle that, if that’s all that it was. It is feeling like a failure. As if I have failed me. I feel like a stranger is staring back at me. She looks so tired and worn out and as if there is something missing in her eyes. And it makes me wonder. Where did I go?
I don’t want to see that tired sad older woman staring back at me. And wonder, did I fail her? Did I make the wrong choices? I have so much to be grateful for. Sure, life didn’t really go as I’d planned. But I do have many blessings. I have two great kids and an amazing husband. I have wonderful friends and a loving family. I have fallen in love a few times and had my heart-broken a few more. I’ve had losses and a few bumps along the way but for the most part, life has been good. God has blessed me. So why am I so sad so much of the time? Is it that I feel time is running out? Or that life is creeping up on me too fast and I haven’t done everything that I’ve wanted to? Or even more than a bucket list, accomplished things where I feel I’ve made a difference because you have known me.
The other day I was thinking about everything and how I really should be happy. God has answered so many prayers. Sure life isn’t perfect. But I am blessed! I’ve talked about life being this empty book and everyday… you write a new page..
But what happens when all the pages are written on????
You get a NEW book
The good thing about living a long time is learning things along the way. We have a lot more to draw from as we go. And if I have learned one thing, it is that life is not over till God decides it is! I realized that I need to start participating in it to find that girl in the mirror that once was there! I know she’s in there somewhere on the other side just waiting to be rediscovered!
The other day, a man with very sad eyes came to book a room at our event center on the day that it already was booked. My heart broke for him. It was for a Memorial for his wife. He looked so sad. He shared that it had been very sudden. The things about memorials, is you rarely have a lot of notice. I decided that I was going to make it happen! Though we’d never had such a quick turn over of events in one day, I made the executive decision! And I felt alive knowing that I could do something, no matter how small to help him in his time of grief.
It was a good reminder for me, that life isn’t always a choice. But I can choose to live it while I have the opportunity to do so! He was so grateful when I called to tell him that we would work it out. And it made me happy to feel that I had a tiny bit of power to help. And I have no doubt that this man was put in my path as a reminder. That I do have the power to choose to live life and live it more abundantly or not. It is my choice. Funny, as I passed the mirror again, I glanced at it this time, and I recognized a familiar reflection, someone with life in her eyes, the one living it again!
Deuteronomy 31:8 – The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
James 4:10 – Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
The One Thing I know For Sure 
Hi Diane — your post reminded me of a poem I have hanging on my wall. It’s called “The Man In The Glass” by Peter Dale Wimbrow, Sr. and was written in 1934. Have you heard of it? It always puts things in perspective for me. Here’s an image of it:
https://goo.gl/images/YgCUUd
I just read this a few minutes ago, and I thought it was great! The reference to what you see looking into a mirror reminded me that someone once said that it was the reason why our vision tended to fade with the years, so that the wrinkles wouldn’t be so obvious! That picture we present when we are young is essentially what we were given when we started out in this world. As beauty begins to fade, hopefully something much more worthwhile will take its place. These can be counted if you just take the time. The good deeds you routinely take the time to accomplish during each day, without conscious thought of any recognition; the things you do without, so that someone else will not have to, and so on. One way you can recognize this is when someone you know walks into a room, and you can see their face light up with a smile. If that’s their reaction to seeing you for the first time that day, you’ve accomplished a lot. I spent a few years in Morocco, and it was notable to me that you could see men walking down the street with their eyes downcast, and seemingly without a joyous thought in their world, and then encounter an acquaintance approaching, who had a similar expression on his face. As soon as they saw each other, their faces light up, big smiles emerged, and an outstretched hand welcomed another, and a lively conversation ensued. The joy of having an encounter with a friendly face is immeasurable. My favorite pass time is watching people, observing their mannerisms, and expressions, and wondering what they’re thinking. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Observing the Scene, I have noticed that as well, and it is a great gift to see someone light up with a big smile when they see you, to know you can be that for someone else is awesome.
I also enjoy sitting my my local Barnes and Noble Cafe watching others and wondering about them…in between reading and writing.
In 1959 I met a lady named “Pat” in a coffee shop called “Maury’s” in San Jose, California. Every evening she sat, watched and took notes. Eventually, she shared with me that she was writing a book that was a collection log character sketches of the folks who frequented Maury’s. She said I was going to be Chapter 13. I lost track of her when the Navy transferred me. I never learned her last name, but I’m sure she wrote the book. I have no idea about the title. You remind me of her, and I think that’s when I started observing the scene.
That is interesting. It would be interesting if you could find out who she is and if she actually got the book published.
I have tried a number of times to locate the book on Google, using every possible description of what the title might have been, coupled with her first name. Sadly, I have not succeeded. However, the idea of what she was doing has inspired me to take note of the things I observe in the people I watch, and pay attention to not only what they say, but also the way they behave. It’s been a gift to me, since for the past 50+ years my main success has been in dealing with people, guiding them, and helping them to succeed. So, Pat has benefited me greatly.
Well then, if it is meant for you to find her, and/or the book, God will make it happen in His time.
Yes, observing and being open can be very beneficial…learning experience. A recent post on my blog titles Judgement and Forgiveness is an example of the gifts I receive.
No thank you
You will never know how timely this was. That you commented on this particular post made me have to reread it. And your comment was God’s reminder that He sends Angels to let me know He is listening.
xo
Great post my friend, as we all go through this at one time or another.
” there is no perfect world, as we learn at every turn on our path of this journey through life”.
“It was a good reminder for me, that life isn’t always a choice. But I can choose to live it while I have the opportunity to do so!” – Just lovely
Alex,
You are so sweet to spend time reading my ramblings this morning! Thank you for both of your comments and all your time. It means a lot!
xoxo
“We have a lot more to draw from as we go.”
How remarkably you exemplify this through your writing. Thank you!
What a great way to put it! Thank “you” for taking the time to read!
Some days I walk past a mirror and do a double take because I pass my mom’s reflection. I hate those days. But as my daughter reminds me, things could be worse. At least I’m here.
Jean,
I KNOW!!!! In my head and heart I am younger than my daughter! LOL!!!!
xoxo
Thanks for reading and sharing!
I’m so happy you took this one out of the trash, Di!!! I am absolutely CERTAIN that you helped that man in a really huge way! And that is often the answer isn’t it? When we feel low and like we are not participating in life…Help someone else!!! Much love to you and many blessings ❤
Lorrie…
Hugs!! You are so sweet! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment
xoxo
Nice to see you round Di. This post speaks volumes about how many of us seem to feel sometimes; overwhelmed, the clock ticking rapidly, and are we doing everything our heart wants to do before our days come to an end. Sometime it takes someone else’s pain to kick us back into the reality – to live in the now and be grateful for all we do have. xo ❤
Deb,
You are so consistently a great friend! I am so blessed! I loved hearing your voice!! I wasn’t disappointed! You know how you picture someone or expect something? You were just who I imagined! So GREAT!
xoxo
Beautiful words my friend.
” we as humans are not perfect, but when we acknowledge God and Jesus within our hearts, we can do anything we set out do and become better and stronger on our paths of our journey of life”
Wise words bc!
Thank you for reading and always being so faithful to offer your wisdom!
xoxo
Your welcome. Wise words or experience words, their all words of wisdom.
Di, you are beautiful and this is a lovely post. Reflections and vulnerability shine light on blessings and my dear friend we have so earned our lines, cracks and wibbles…and may there be many more to come. Here’s to life’s adventures and our holding hands through them all… hugs and ❤ for you xX
Jane,
Thank you! How did I get so lucky to have such great supporters? Glad you are mine!
xoxo
We get wiser as we get older Diane. When we struggle with our own issues the best thing we can do is help someone else, as you did.
Thank you Ann,
You always say the BEST things!
xoxo
Very few times does life give us a choice of what will happen, or when, or where, or how, or all the other variables, Di. The only thing we can control (sometimes) is how we’re going to react and what we’re going to do about it. Mostly, when I look at that old guy in the mirror, I just try to say thanks for the joy and love that you helped me to have, and for standing by me when times were bad. He’s never accused me of failing him, or even criticized me for some of the really stupid mistakes I’ve made. He mostly just says thanks for giving me a chance at another day. What more could either ask of the other. He’s not 18 anymore, but neither am I, but we haven’t given up on each other…, or life.
You’re doin’ ok, darlin’ girl. Just keep on keepin’ on.
Big Hug !!!
Oh Paul,
This is so great. I wish that my reflection could get together with your reflection and learn from him! I’m getting there slowly I think!
xo
You speak of choices and direction … We learn later in life (hopefully) it’s not our choices in direction that make us happy but our choices along the way. If we try to choose from an infinity of direction we would go mad trying to decide the best way … Yet deciding to make choice based on where we are and what we can vice in ever moment make all we have learned the fulfillment of the present moment ! I often see the man in the mirror and wonder as you say … Glad you saved this from the trash …
Thank you Peter!!!!
How sweet of you to dig in out of the trash and put it back up for me. I’m so glad you did because it’s something that so many of us can relate too, and you articulated it so well. Thank you for doing this for me, Diane. Hugs and love, Natalie 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤
Natalie,
No, how sweet of you to inspire me enough to want to go back and shake the garbage off of it (so to speak) and post it! I love my readers! I wonder what I’d do now without you guys! You are my own little family and I am grateful to have you in my life! I should also add here that I am blessed to have you too!
Eerie! Again, you’ve articulated exactly how I’ve been feeling! Is it Menopause? Is it that I’m turning 50 this year? I do seem to be “counting down” but don’t understand why. I’ve always had a spark, a tenacity, and I’ve been asking lately, just as you, “Where is Tina?” I cry for no apparent reason and seem to be carrying and even cradling some type of deep sadness. I suppose it’s part of moving to a new season in life and looking back as I try to will myself to pick the reins up and move on. Regrets, sure – many; but blessings, absolutely! It helps for others to openly share as you do and, as always, you put a positive spin on it all which helps even more. Thank you. :0
((((Tina))))
I just want to give you a hug! I was reading this on my phone and had to turn my laptop back on to answer you properly!
I also have to tell you something! I am secretly coveting your review talents someday (NOW I have to read Running In Heels!!!!) I love how you reveiw books! You are better than any Marketing Company!
But to respond to your comment, I am honored that you always take time to read mine! And for the life of me, I can’t picture you not wanting to look in your mirror! If only YOU were staring back as my reflection! 😉
But I do understand. I was probably two years into menopause when I was your age. I am 58… shhhh… don’t tell anybody. LOL.
I didn’t have any life changing things like hot flashes etc.. but I was very unsettled and sad. I do think that there is something to getting blood tests and know that they can give you things to regulate you… now… but because I wasn’t having extreme symptoms I just suffered through the stuff I was going through emotionally.
I do think that it helps to know you are not alone. And I do not think that men are the only ones who can have midlife crisis.
When my daughter moved to LA, I was a hot mess. She is my best friend and it hit me harder than I expected. But life does go on, you either fill your life with new things or get fat and hybernate. I lost a lot of weight and went through my own metamorposis at first and then gained some and got depressed. My daughter is getting married next summer, so I have a year to fit into a hot mother of the bride dress! LOL….But seriously, I know it is more than what is on the outside. And when you get that straightened out, I don’t think it is as painful to look in the mirror and I am looking forward to seeing someone pretty great soon! 🙂
I’ve had that same moment of reflection (actually posted about it) and I think that I’ve had it a few more times in the past while. Like you, I have much to be thankful for and wonder why these thoughts seem to come out of the blue…. I guess it’s just that maybe at times we feel more vulnerable??? Diane
Diane,
Yes, I think that we are in a place in our lives where we reflect on the past and the future perhaps a little more than we used to… and at least in “my” case, I am not always fully in the present. I fret and worry over missed opportunities and regret choices that I have made when I need to focus on the moment I am in and live it to my fullest ability. 😉 Thank you for reading. I loved your post that I just read. So sad that the mom couldn’t get outside herself and listen to how she sounded to others (especially her poor little girl.)
xoxo