Pride: it cometh after the fall too

I HiJacked my sweet friend Louise’s blog today by my long winded comment so I had to REBLOG!!!! She always inspires me to the upteenth degree! Obviously! If you don’t know her work, watch her TED video here on her blog… and read some of her past posts! I guarantee you will FOLLOW her and wait on the edge of your seat for her next brilliant post! She is an artist as well! Can you tell I am one FANatical fan?!

Dare Boldly

Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you.     — Andrew Murray

I wrote last week about The Fall. About landing on the cold, hard cement in front of my office building downtown and the mind chatter that ensued.

At Choices last week, while chatting with another coach about monkey mind chatter, I shared what happened and told them that I was shocked to see how, even before I knew if I’d broken anything or not, my mind immediately leaped to that place of, “OMG! I hope no one saw me!”

Imagine. Lying on the ground, not even sure if I am hurt or not and all I can think about is my pride.

On Monday, I gave a presentation on homelessness to a group of University students. After the presentation, a woman came up to share the story about her daughter.

“She’s lived in a group…

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Someone Else’s Hero

A child is supposed to feel safe. And yet if that is the case, why are so many adults in therapy? Some people had wonderful childhoods and were raised with caring and loving parents who taught them right from wrong, others had good parents and comfortable childhoods and their parents made mistakes but did the best they could. And still, others had horrific childhoods and terrible parents and seem perfectly fine. And yet all of these people have one thing in common. An inner child who is still there.

Recently, I have gone through a process of recognizing my inner child. She is the one who doesn’t trust because those who she trusted hurt her. She is the one who was never allowed to talk about her anger and so she learned how to lash out. She is the one who always wanted a voice, and now speaks too loudly sometimes. She is the one who felt so out of control most of her life, so that now she needs to control EVERTYTHING!. She is the one who was disappointed and so only sees the negative in things so she will never be disappointed again.

Ahhh, that feels so negative. It really isn’t. My inner child remembers the great things too. She loves to learn and organize and create and run and laugh and play. She has a special handful of friends that she trusts with her life and would do anything for. She always looks forward to a good time. She is in there too, all of her. Experiences and memories, Lessons and moments, all moving her along like editing a motion picture.

Stop and close your eyes and find your inner child. Who is he or she, really? If we all got a chance to go back and meet each other’s inner children, and really understand where the guy who cut you off on the freeway or the back stabbing, coworker at work first began, perhaps maybe we would have more compassion for all of them.

The little girl who was always worried that her Daddy wouldn’t get home safely because of his drinking, the little boy who felt brushed aside because his mother was too busy getting ready to go out. The kid who always heard fighting and never knew when the next explosion would take place. The little step son who never could do anything right, the kid who always waited for his dad to show up when each time he never did.Always lonely, always worried, always brushed aside, feeling unimportant, abandoned,  the one who started out not fitting into his own family, always seeking the perfect place where he could feel as if he belonged. The little girl who had to grow up fast because she wasn’t allowed to be the child. Always fixing, always nurturing.  Always performing, and yet she was just a little girl, but today not quite a grown up.And yet the parents that did come through, the other family members who stepped up to the plate when they were needed most, the friends and mentors, the teachers, the ones who gave them a voice, the protectors and rescuers, of those who were lucky enough to have them, all MADE A DIFFERENCE.

Today, if we look inside of ourselves, we all can find a piece of that child still lingering inside. Perhaps if we all reached out to just one child we recognized as hurting, and began mentoring instead of criticizing, hugging instead of scolding, teaching instead of berating, sharing with instead of rushing away, we might just break the cycle and begin to lead the way, to find the children and to become the protector, the mentor and the difference maker, in a way that helps lead the child inside of them to a place where we all can grow up and be someone else’s hero. Because…. all of those children eventually grow up to remember the difference makers in their own lives and hopefully, someday, will grow up to  become somebody else’s hero, who someday they will remember made a difference in their life and keep the cycle going as they pay it forward and become a hero.

The things I know for sure.

I’ve been traveling a long time with my past and It hasn’t been easy to keep lugging all those suitcases around everywhere I go!  I’ve come to realize that not everyone I started out with, will end the journey with me. Just recently, this reminder has been made crystal clear for me. I guess that I never stopped to understand; just how short life really is! I’ve learned that the only ONE that I can really count on to be there from start to finish is The Lord. And as I’ve grown older, the more comforting that has become.

I’ve also learned that survivor’s guilt is very real, and wondered why I’ve been left behind. What am I supposed to do? Does God have a plan for my life? Is it my responsibility to discover the opportunities He has for me? I know the answers.  I have been given a gift in this reality check,  and with all that knowledge I’ve come to some new conclusions… You don’t need permission to grow or to unpack or just leave those old suitcases behind and move on and you don’t ever have to feel guilty for living your life authentically your way.

When I started this blog, I titled  it “The One Thing I know For Sure” and periodically I’ve shared daily, weekly and sometimes just monthly, depending upon my schedule. Sometimes, I’ve come here to share my snippets of self-proclaimed wisdom. And all that I feel that I’ve learned throughout this journey that I’ve been on. For after all, you hopefully can’t live over a half a century without learning a few lessons right? So now here I am again sharing  some more “stuff”….

I’ve learned that God does not punish you for your past sins. He just forgives. WE punish our selves by not letting go.

I’ve learned that Letting go is like getting a third lung! You can finally really breathe again!

Ive learned that no amount of guilt can change the past.

Ive learned that it’s just as hard to let go sometimes as it is to hold on.

I’ve learned that it is okay to love & forgive someone, without wanting to spend time with them.

I’ve learned that silence is sometimes the best response.

I’ve learned that we never stop caring, nor can we force others to care.

I’ve learned to not look back because I will only trip on where I AM going!

I’ve learned that when you realize your kids are a lot like you, you will never really know if the ambivalent feelings you’re feeling are more pride or fear!

I’ve also learned that a mom is only happiest as her unhappiest child.

I’ve learned that a spiritual man is pretty darn hot!

I’ve learned that Loyalty rules, and that forgiveness trumps anything I thought I ever really wanted.

I’ve learned that a negative mind will never give you a positive life.

I’ve learned that I have spent too much time in the past, not enough in the present and that one of my biggest flaws is that I always have to have something to look forward to!

I have learned that “Though honey is a very good thing, that there is something about right before you taste the honey, that is almost as good as when you do!” (Winnie The Pooh) ©

And I’ve learned that the less suitcases you carry with you through life, the faster you can get to what comes next!

Diane Reed 2015 ©

A Lion Never Loses Sleep Over The Opinions Of Sheep

There are people in our lives that lift us up and others that are constantly Debbie Downers, no matter what their gender. People who gossip about everyone and those that listen. And those that won’t. There are people who light up a room when they walk into it and others that are hard to be around. Just like the people on the road that live their lives in a kind of constant road rage, with their hand always on the horn while they tail and cut everyone off in the process, never seeing their own flaws. And then, there are those other set of people who manage to get to one place to another without seeing the flaw in every driver.

I’ve used driving as kind of a metaphor to help get my point across. Do you know someone who always has to be mad at somebody? One friend last week and a new one this week? A coworker, a boss, a landlord, a family member, or just some poor stupid stranger on the road? They obsess and talk about their issue of the week with them and then move on to the next victim. Sometimes the people they hate on have no clue, sometimes unfortunately they do. It is just sad that, that person just can’t relax and live their own life and stop worrying about everyone elses. At least until they get their own lives right.

Some people can’t stand that you are moving on and constantly want to drag your past into today. Don’t let them. It is your life and your choice what today will bring for you. One of the wisest things I’ve ever heard is…. Just don’t react. When you remain silent, you have the power, because when someone does not know what you are thinking they have nothing to respond to.

Recently I’ve been surrounded by the death of some very important people in my life and it has really made me slow down and not react so quickly. In a way in reflecting alone, I’ve been in this place of restoration. Choosing what is important and what is not and who I want to be around and who I don’t. Over the years I have systematically chosen to not be around toxic people, but I’ve always kind of felt guilty about it. Just recently, I have given myself permission to let go because eventually everything connects.

I may not be where I want to be this minute. But I am not where I used to be yesterday. Every step is mine to take and the direction I choose to go. I can choose to be miserable when I wake up or I can choose to be strong, the energy used in that choice is the same though the end results can be monumental. Anger destroys, it consumes all your energy and is toxic. People around you will begin to avoid you. The secret is to not focus all your energy on fighting the old but building up the new. Change is like a gift we can give ourselves. Do it now. Because sometimes later becomes never.

A Lion never loses sleep over the opinions of sheep. Don’t you love it? I just ran into this quote this morning and it rang so true for me today. We need to stop allowing the opinions of others to rule our day. Especially when we know that it’s coming from twisted anger.

We must remember that the strongest people are not the ones who show their strength in front of us, but who have won battles that we will never know anything about. I am stronger because I’ve been weak, I am fearless because I’ve been afraid and I am wise because I’ve been foolish. I am working on the day when I won’t need validation from anyone but God. That is the day, when the world will fear me. For the same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack!