A child is supposed to feel safe. And yet if that is the case, why are so many adults in therapy? Some people had wonderful childhoods and were raised with caring and loving parents who taught them right from wrong, others had good parents and comfortable childhoods and their parents made mistakes but did the best they could. And still, others had horrific childhoods and terrible parents and seem perfectly fine. And yet all of these people have one thing in common. An inner child who is still there.

Recently, I have gone through a process of recognizing my inner child. She is the one who doesn’t trust because those who she trusted hurt her. She is the one who was never allowed to talk about her anger and so she learned how to lash out. She is the one who always wanted a voice, and now speaks too loudly sometimes. She is the one who felt so out of control most of her life, so that now she needs to control EVERTYTHING!. She is the one who was disappointed and so only sees the negative in things so she will never be disappointed again.

Ahhh, that feels so negative. It really isn’t. My inner child remembers the great things too. She loves to learn and organize and create and run and laugh and play. She has a special handful of friends that she trusts with her life and would do anything for. She always looks forward to a good time. She is in there too, all of her. Experiences and memories, Lessons and moments, all moving her along like editing a motion picture.

Stop and close your eyes and find your inner child. Who is he or she, really? If we all got a chance to go back and meet each other’s inner children, and really understand where the guy who cut you off on the freeway or the back stabbing, coworker at work first began, perhaps maybe we would have more compassion for all of them.

The little girl who was always worried that her Daddy wouldn’t get home safely because of his drinking, the little boy who felt brushed aside because his mother was too busy getting ready to go out. The kid who always heard fighting and never knew when the next explosion would take place. The little step son who never could do anything right, the kid who always waited for his dad to show up when each time he never did.

Always lonely, always worried, always brushed aside, feeling unimportant, abandoned,  the one who started out not fitting into his own family, always seeking the perfect place where he could feel as if he belonged. The little girl who had to grow up fast because she wasn’t allowed to be the child. Always fixing, always nurturing.  Always performing, and yet she was just a little girl, but today not quite a grown up.

And yet the parents that did come through, the other family members who stepped up to the plate when they were needed most, the friends and mentors, the teachers, the ones who gave them a voice, the protectors and rescuers, of those who were lucky enough to have them, all MADE A DIFFERENCE.

Today, if we look inside of ourselves, we all can find a piece of that child still lingering inside. Perhaps if we all reached out to just one child we recognized as hurting, and began mentoring instead of criticizing, hugging instead of scolding, teaching instead of berating, sharing with instead of rushing away, we might just break the cycle and begin to lead the way, to find the children and to become the protector, the mentor and the difference maker, in a way that helps lead the child inside of them to a place where we all can grow up and be someone else’s hero. Because…. all of those children eventually grow up to remember the difference makers in their own lives and hopefully, someday, will grow up to  become somebody else’s hero, who someday they will remember made a difference in their life and keep the cycle going as they pay it forward and become a hero.

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32 thoughts on “Someone Else’s Hero

  1. Oh, lovely lady! How I Iove reading your words. Today I see myself in them and I see someone I love in them too. Someone I love and whom I’m choosing to let go of because my holding on to him is doing more damage than good. He is a dear friend of mine, has been for fifteen years, but his inner child is hurting and I have to accept that I cannot fix him, all I can do is love him. Even if from a distance…

    Thank you for this reminder.

    Mari ❤

  2. I have to say I never stopped being a child at heart. I had a wonderful family to grow up in which gave me a wonderful foundation to deal with the problems I faced later when my husband became sick emotionally and physically. That inner child helped me to continue to see the beauty and goodness in the world and take whatever was dished out with only moderate damage to my psyche.

    But I want to tell about my second claimed son, D. He came from a hard life of abuse and poverty. My future adopted son was first cared for by a mentor in Big Brother; befriended by my son 10 years ago; mothered by me; given good fatherly advice on how to do well in school by my husband and lastly met and married a wonderful young woman. Because of this inpouring of love and care he and his wife have been married for 11 years, completed their master’s degrees and he has recently been certified as a Data Base Analyst. I am going to be a grandmother next March! I love my little family and am so thankful for the impact they have had on my life too!

  3. A man in a dream was lost in the wilderness when he heard his name called from afar.
    When he turned to see, he looked back over all the years of his life and saw himself as a child.
    My mother passed when I was twelve.

      1. Yes Di, old friends are like blankets – cozy and always there when we need them. ❤ PS We met before I published my first book! Today I just published my 4th. 🙂 xo

  4. What a gorgeous post. I love the recognition and honoring of one’s own inner child. We have the opportunity to parent ourselves, to nurture that still young child and create a safe place to bloom. Even more so, I love your desire to reach out, to shelter those who are still children, to give them a safe relationship that opens doors to new possibilities and makes them feel valued. What a huge leap of healing – to take our own hurts and turn them into a better future for others. Lovely.

  5. In our western mode of raising children, we are isolating them, and forcing the parent into being everything to the child, when in reality there are so many imperfections it is hard to imagine a yon making it without needing therapy … It takes a village to raise a child is so true, or at least an extended family, so a child is given choices and perspective …

  6. A lot of us do likely have that ‘inner child’ still there regardless of how old we get; and most definitely it is responsible for our actions/reactions. To be aware of what those feelings are, is freedom in many ways… and we do (at least I do) recognize some of the same traits in others… Diane

  7. Wow!!! Very srong…powerful and emotional words my friend. These words brought a tear to my eye and a topic that will touch each one of us throughout Mankind. 100% on the money as well.

    “The problem of all throughout mankind is, we forget and take for granted our inner child, than we never forgive this child, which stops us from truly growing up”.

  8. Wow! Diane, so glad you reposted this because I had not read it before. It is powerful and the sad parts are, sadly true for so many. Much of it I can relate to, yet thank God I have come a long way from being that hurt child/teen/young adult.

    I am going to share this post on my blog. As I am making transitions in my life I see I will be back to writing myself one of these days soon. In the meantime I love sharing posts from my blogger friends which have special meaning in my life.

    1. Ann,
      The two best compliments you could ever give me are tears or reblogging! Thank you!
      It means a lot that you are my loyal friend. Always consistently supporting me. It means more than you know!
      xoxo
      Thank you again my friend! Hugs!

    1. Thanks Bill. Someone told me I should repost some of my archived posts (before anyone followed me.) This is one I wrote when I first started writing here. Before i even knew you! I bet you are a difference maker in both those young and old. I know you’ve made a difference in my life!
      💖

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