rainey window and butterfly

I think that as we grow, no matter what our age, we learn to embrace who we are in a less selfish way. For several decades of my life, I needed everyone else’s approval. And as I look out the window today, I kind of feel like the seasons. A couple of weeks into the “time change” it seems as if the weather has taken a kind of dramatic turn. From sweltering hot to now, checking whether to bring an umbrella or not and layering clothes.

As I sit here before jumping in the shower I look out my window, as fog greets me. Funny how a certain time of day, and type of weather can just snap you back to times of long ago. And so I sit here, enjoying the view, feeling warm and safe and embracing the moment. Such is life. We struggle all of our lives to be our authentic selves and sometimes things change inside of us as quickly as the seasons. While some epiphanies take a little longer, it is life changing when it happens. How I wish it wouldn’t have taken so long. To feel comfortable in my own skin.

I am beginning to like who I am becoming, to see that there is no need to constantly seek out other’s opinions for my life, nor to judge others so much. To talk to a friend or coworker rather than about them, if need be. For after all, we tend to gossip to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. You know? Slowly, I’ve made a committment to stop the negativity. It’s been a long time coming and yet, I’ve grown to realize that the person constantly puffing themselves up in regard to their own accomplishments, transparently feels inadequate in some way, the coworker that is short with you one day, may feel under the weather or have had bad news but still had to come to work to pay the bills. The one gossiping about someone, has the need to bring information to you because they feel they have nothing else to offer. And I’ve realized that I’ve been a version of each of those people throughout my life. While really trying to get to know where someone else has come from. What they have endured in their lives, what might be going on now and to stop judging so much! It really feels great to finally feel as if I am beginning to understand me and who I want to be. I kind of feel like Dorothy when Glinda told her: “You’ve always had the power my dear you just had to learn it for yourself.”

red slippers

Below is a post* that I wrote a few years ago. It was the beginning of my AHA moment and this new version of me. Someone recently LIKED it and it made me go back and reread it and realize how life changing things happening in our lives, may seem like a valley but how eventually God takes us up to the mountain top again. Just you wait and see!

*>>>    https://dianereedwiter.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/getting-over-it/

32 thoughts on “This New Version Of Me

  1. Those epiphanies are so valuable, aren’t they? Mine came late in life, too – just thankful it came at all. And truthfully, it’s all those life experiences that collectively give us the crow’s feet, the gray hair, the wisdom. And at some point, as we stop resisting it all, as we begin to embrace it, they all come together to create the light bulb turning on.

    And when that happens, we can go about life graciously, authentically, not faking any more. And that is so lovely.

  2. I know what you mean. As a 5’7″ teenager I always thought I was fat when I weighed 145 pounds. Now I look at my pictures and think, I was gorgeous! Now I wonder if in twenty years I will look at my pictures and say, “Hey, not bad for a 64 year old woman!!” Treasure the you you are now. Hugs!

    1. J-
      I know!!! I have had those exact same thoughts and given the same talk to my daughter! Enjoy it now because what you think is wrong today, you will wish you had everything back that you are mad at today, tomorrow!
      I was 5’7″ and 110 when I got married and got pregnant and had a miscarriage right after I got married when I was 21, and gained ten pounds and my husband at the time made me feel fat!!! Years later, after we divorced but were still friends, he told me that I needed to quit losing weight (I think I was on phen phen in my late thirties when he said that and we’d been divorced for a few years.) I told him, “I’m about 18 pounds heavier than I was when I was 120 and you thought I was too fat!” And he said, “I was young and stupid then Diane, you need to stop, you look great.” I wanted to capture those words and keep them forever! LOL! But the damage was done back when I was 21 and I never really have ever felt good about my looks. But now looking back, I feel I wish I could take the lessons I’ve learned and instill them in the young girls in my life and tell them to enjoy it! So YOU my friend, think the same as I do in more than one area!

      1. Hmm. I am curious now to see what other similarities we hold. Thank you for sharing your story. I am coming to believe as we get older we are learning wisdom and filtering out the silly fears and ideas of our youth. Maybe that is part of getting wiser?

  3. Well, when ya gonna grow up, girl ????? Hahaha ! Never, I hope. Through the years I’ve determined that the only constant in life is change…, and it’s fun to look forward to it…, and grow with it. Hugs, Di !

    1. Paul,
      That is a very good question today especially, if you only knew!!!!
      But I guess you gotta give a girl a little credit for the ole college try?
      (Coming back after writing this and the day I had, makes me smile and need to read my own advice to myself!)
      Hugs BACK!!!

  4. Why does it take so long to be happy in our own skin ? I feel the same as you and yet , for me , every so often I am get a pin prick of a reminder of how I used to feel . So I take a big deeeeeeep breath kick the very small demons off my shoulders and smile look around at what I have and be grateful …it truly works .

    1. Chel,
      Such great advice! I know it is a long time coming… learning what we need to know. But when we finally get it… we need to just use it and not feel it is a waste we “got it” so late in life. At least we are getting it! LOL.

  5. Very nice words my friend. Great minds think alike, I wrote a few posts similar in style.
    ” we all struggle with some issues during our journey through life, sometimes it takes a while til we find who we truly are”.

    1. Quiall,
      Yep better late than never lol. I love what a friend told me a few years ago when I was at a baby shower — I whispered to her; that I felt as if I was “faking it” at these gatherings, and she leaned over and whispered back… “WE are ALL faking it!” I loved her so much at that moment.

  6. As usual Diane, your posts seem to reflect my life, just as this one is reflecting mine. Learning these things, then practicing the change in ourselves takes time.
    I wish I had learned it all long ago. Still practicing! 🙂
    Great post as always.
    Love and blessings,

    1. Ann,
      I know!!! Huh? I could have saved myself so much trouble in life if I’d just learned all that stuff early on! But better late than never! Heres hoping I have a few more good years to practice it!
      Thank you for always being so encouraging!
      Love ya

      1. Same here…I could have saved myself and others a lot of grief! I always want to know how to do things immediately, but turns out I am a slow learner. However, having done the Strength Finder and follow-up group study I learned one of my strengths is the reason I am a slow learner!! So I have to embrace it and keep asking God to SHOW ME, to give me wisdom to make the right decisions.

          1. Thank you Diane. I also keep trying to learn how to better communicate with others, even honesty about myself. Sometimes when being honest about our (my) failings we (I) think using experiences with others (even without their names) to show where we (I) have failed in relationships, can end up hurting the other person(s), even if written in a way that is not meant as a negative about them!!!
            When I get my finances in order I want to take some writing classes so I can learn how to better communicate in my writings 🙂

I would love to hear from you...Thank you for stopping by!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s