plane in clouds

I have come to the conclusion that I will always need something to look forward to. I was born in Seattle and four years later, my dad was transferred to California, and then Colorado, Missouri and Illinois and then back to California where I grew up in a place called  Palos Verdes. When we moved, my dad promised my mom to always send us “home”. He kept his promise, no matter where we were, every summer, without fail,  we would pack our bags and fly to Seattle. So no matter what, I knew that every summer I had something pretty big to look forward to.

I think that I zeroed in on this particular discovery after my daughter’s wedding. I was so focused on the planning and whatever part I played in the tasks I was given, I didn’t have a lot of time to go to that corner of my mind that is clouded with those things that bring me down. When I was a young mom, I did art shows. I created all year-long and knew that almost half a dozen times a year, I had a place to go. I was a part of a creative group of people who added to my life in ways that I am only just now recognizing.

I have been back in the corporate workforce for over a decade now. (Working for someone else.) My husband has turned my art studio into his office and our indoor office into a guest room slash office that was supposed to be where I was going to write.

Not really the place I had in mind inside my head. But I am there now, writing this. The plan was that I would work part-time and start writing my book. I did write my book. But as I have read and learned, I see the flaws and mistakes in it, and well, at least I have the bones. I know the story. I just need to rewrite it. Easier said then done.

blue house

When I was first married, before kids, I had  the sweetest landlord, Mr. Allen, that was working on the house in front of our apartment. It was an amazing craftsman’s style home and I think that he saw that I loved it as much as he did. Everyday, he would take me on a tour to show me all of the things he’d fixed or installed the day before. Good ole’ Mr. Allen, we were buddies.

We had a little agreement that someday, I would move in there. We even shook on it. But I remember talking to my friend who lived next-door and us agreeing that if he ever finished it, he would probably die. His daughter had a friend that wanted to move in there and so she stepped in and thought she was helping her dad by hiring a carpenter to finish it and sure enough shortly later, he died. I have no doubt that we all have the need to contribute and create and when that seizes, we all seem to falter.

I am not sure if I have a great or profound message here. I guess I just needed to write this out for me. To give myself a kick in the butt so to speak and understand that I am the only one who is in charge here. Regarding my health, both mentally and physically. I can’t wait for anyone to do it for me.  I also know that I am a creative person and I need to create again and look forward to something.

I have not shared my; What I Know For Sure-isms…. for a while so here are a few for those sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for more! (JUST kidding!!!)

  • I must always try to keep myself busy enough so that I don’t pause long enough to allow my mind to wander too far away.
  • Only I can create the version of myself that I want others to see.
  • Success starts when you  believe in yourself.
  • Your own opinion of yourself is what matters first.
  • Telling people your plans does not work as well as showing them.
  • I am my only limit…. people have achieved much more with less.
  • The past is a place of reference, not a place that I need to reside ever again.
  • Sometimes what consumes your mind, can control your life.
  • I can live my life with people but no one can live my life for me.
  • I want to live my life in such a way that someday someone says to me:                        “Because of you I didn’t give up.”

 

 

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24 thoughts on “Looking Forward

  1. You are an awesome writer my friend, I enjoy reading your posts.

    ” We all as we walk our paths through this journey of life are creative in our own way, but only a few take the creativity to the next level”

    ” We all have times in our pasts we wish we could get back, but that is the past this is now, only learn from the past, so we can truly move forward stronger and better along this journey we are on”

    1. I used to mix up loving a person from my past rather than recognizing I actually loved the time in my life that they happened to be a part of.
      I was actually talking about living so much in my past with a friend today and I am working on moving forward! 😉
      I love your quote! That makes a lot of sense to me!!!!!
      xo

  2. I’ve just read your Going Forward, and I’d like to say I like your style. I like the way your post doesn’t read as though it was intended to be a tour de force in writing annals, but rather just a private, two-person conversation between you and me, perhaps across a cup of coffee, with a puppy laying on our feet, sharing both warmth and dedication.
    I have a wide and varied background myself, and have not shared it with anyone, mostly because I don’t consider it interesting enough to warrant going to the trouble to write it down for anyone’s consumption. I did write up what I call a “personal history” for my son, solely for the purpose of providing him a history of me, in order to answer questions about me that might occur to him after I’m gone, and no longer around to answer them for him. But, that’s as far as it goes.
    I see you have a serious following, and it’s no surprise. I too have a blog, at http://www.observingthescene.wordpress.com. Mine has been going for about five years now, and I’ve a total of 183 posts up there so far. There are a few I am proud of, and some are just the results of just getting something off my chest. You do a much better job. I’ll be reading through yours as time permits. Thanks for your efforts.

    Bob

    1. Hi Bob!
      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment about my ramblings! I am always touched when someone takes their valuable time in regard to anything I’ve written. I am excited to read your blog. I’m sure I’m gonna love your writing!

  3. Sometimes a person just NEEDS that something to keep them getting up in the morning and going through the day…, every day, and when that’s taken from them there seems nothing to get up for and they just wither away. 🙂

  4. Ahhhh, the book! The BOOK! Your story. Your positive outlook on life. Your inspiration to others. Good “Things I \know for sure” to ponder and apply.
    You’re awesome.
    I’m excited for you and encouraged by your encouraging thoughts, and choices.
    Signed,
    Your Atlanta SPTF.
    xoxo

    1. LOL. You are such a faithful friend. I have struggled with what genre to write under. I tied to make it fiction, memoir? Christian with a message? Sooo hard to know what to do. Young adult? Warning for middle age? 😮 Who knows. But I think that I have learned to let go and not worry about judgment anymore. Still working on it! I am thankful for you! Thank you.
      xoxo

  5. I was just telling a buddy how life seems to go better when I have a false summit ahead of me, something to tackle, even knowing that the top will only reveal the real climb ahead. You strike a chord in every one of your ‘for sure-isms.” Cheers—

  6. Sometime ago you sent me a copy of your book to read. I was disturbed by it. To say I loved it would be wrong. It touched me in ways I didn’t know I could be moved. I hope that is the book you were working on. It is an important book! It needs to be shared.

    1. Pam,
      You are the kind of friend that everyone should have. Honesty is something we need in this line of work and I have always felt blessed to have you in my corner. I think that not “liking” my book is one of the best compliments that I could ask for because it meant that you read it. The story is nothing to like actually. And the writing could be much better. I was talking to my daughter about not just rewriting it, but taking out whole sentences of things that really are not needed. The old show and don’t tell is my biggest problem! But yes, it is the same draft you read! And at least I have the bones and now I think I have the ending. I think I had to get some things behind me before I could really be ready to finish it and now I am ready! I love when I see your sweet smile.
      xoxo

  7. This was an inspiring post for me. I related to so much of your experiences and views. Good luck and thank you for sharing. I am going to read this post again & again!

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