woman typing

It really is easier

to make it all someone else’s fault.

To be so indignant and load the blame somewhere else.

To get lost in the anger and pain and to go back and forth

never quite figuring any of it out.

I just can’t understand  why it is so hard to just forget…

and get caught up in not knowing where to go with all these feelings.

I have filled my pages with words that sit in archives

not knowing where they belong.

Just storing them and forgetting that they are there

and then re-finding them again.

But when I started this thought and re-found it…

It just was too good to not finish it…

I have been told by someone I care about…

who is the source of a lot of my pain

 that they are falling back on God’s grace.

And I think…

I give up.

 I really need to just let go…

For who am I?

I mean really, who am I…

to stand in the way of anyone else’s  grace?

diane reed

2016©

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11 thoughts on “Who Am I To Stand In The Way Of Anyone Else’s Grace?

  1. I think that old wounds are just difficult to resolve sometimes. It took me seven years to make major strides in healing from emotional wounds from my deceased husband. Sometimes we are angry at ourselves for allowing angry or hurt feelings to remain alive. But the the truth may be that we are grieving for the loss of what could have been. Perhaps the anger is part of a grief of sorts. I don’t know for sure but we may just have feelings we need time to work things out or sometimes we need help. Have you tried to journal about the source of your wounds? Do you have dreams that show you are still working through the pain? Perhaps isolating the feelings from the object of them and thinking things through objectively may help. Sorry, I can’t give definitive answers . Whatever helps, I wish for you speedy healing.

    1. You nailed it!! I think that’s it. I’m mad at me… for going there again. It’s like watching the movie, Bambi over and over again and expecting his mom not to die😧
      Yes I journal a lot. Both on paper and here. I think that’s my problem. When I find something that I wrote… it snaps me back to the emotions I had when I wrote it. Usually anger or sadness.
      Thank you for your sweet support. I really have healed a lot. Though I don’t really reflect it in my writing. My next one will be more positive! I promise! 😀

      1. I am beginning to feel more at peace with the trials I had due to my husband’s abuse. I can see the positive effects it had on me by making me stronger, less dependent, and more willing to love and respect my feelings about things, instead of telling myself, It doesn’t really matter. Or: you’re just being overly sensitive or worse still being afraid of my feelings. Being a grown up is still hard, even when you’re over 60!! But we keep on keeping on!! Hugs!!

  2. As when someone falls, we can up support their rising up, when someone claims to have found grace we can only support their decision, and wish them well on their journey … We can barely cope with our own decisions, much less those of others. Sending you grace along your way <3. Peter

    1. I agree Peter. I found this started in my archives and just published it. I liked the premise of not wanting to stand in someone else’s grace. My point was more that I wanted to just let go of everything and let it be. It has been an ongoing thing in my heart for the last six years or so years and I just want to be done with it inside my own head. An old wound that opened up and started to heal and then became an oozing scab again before I knew what hit me. I think about it everyday and I just want to stop. Even though I wrote that a few years ago… it still bothers me that it is pretty much a current reality.
      Thank you for always being the wise one in my day!
      xoxo

      1. Hard to let go of something so charged with emotional energy, once you understand where the energy come from, you’ll be able to lower its volume in your mind. Great writing but the way.

  3. Love you girl.. This could apply to so many things in life.. And I need to hear them.. so please keep your words of wisdom, kindness, humor and hope coming. Some of us out here need the pick me up. HUGS

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