Write right where you are

I could write here!

In my head, I picture a room in an attic, with a view of the top of a cluster of beautiful oak trees with their limbs peeking in at me. Maybe with a fireplace, maybe not… Maybe with an easel and a place to paint. But I am grateful for my little art studio in the garage that my husband lovingly built for me when we moved here. At first I started at a work table inside the garage but we live in the country and I usually would work into the night, getting ready for art shows and lets just say the bugs are bigger than in the city and they all seemed to show up at dusk, which bugged me! Ha ha. Pun intended! So he built me a room with windows and electricity and a/c. And I am very grateful. My art studio has a desk in it and that is where I write.

I used to write in an office in the house but my in-laws moved in a few years ago and we made our office into a guest room which has in turn become my granddaughter’s room when she is here so it was just easier to have my own space for everything I do. I still had a part of the garage that I used as a workshop for my saws and sanders, but it is now piled high with boxes belonging to my in-laws so I have tried to adjust to this new reality. And find gratitude in it. I have to admit, I haven’t been the greatest sport about it and being grateful has been a kind of an on going exercise for me.

I don’t need an attic office or a workshop. I really have enough. I just need to be grateful for what I do have and know it is enough. Life changes through the years. Sometimes you just have to move over and adjust. Now pardon me as I write…..

Pause

Hi Ya’all who are sticking with me! I SEE you! Thank you. This daily writing exercise is interesting. It makes you think about things you normally might not ponder. Today’s topic is learning how to pause. I wish I’d learned it years ago. It is a bit of a challenge for me. I used to say what I was thinking before thinking. “And… how did that work out for you?” My older and wiser self asks the younger version of me.

All I know is that hitting that “PAUSE” button has changed me for the better. And I don’t even have to ask anyone. I feel better about me. I am not saying that I don’t feel one way or another about something, or that the same things don’t annoy me. I just have learned how to pause before I say what I might have when I was not paying attention to that pause button. And by not reacting, my attitude about those annoying things has done a 180! (Most of the time) I’m not saying other buttons are never triggered, but learning to carry around that imaginary pause button has really changed my life.

And you know what? It’s freeing and free. It’s just a switch in thinking. Kinda like metaphorically stopping to smell the flowers or dance in the rain. To appreciate the people you love in the second you are in, instead of being annoyed with them. I’ve lived long enough to realize that life flies by too fast and those people won’t always be here tomorrow.

I wished that I’d discovered this pausing thing decades ago. But it’s never too late to make your life better for you and the ones around you. Learn how to pause. I have yet to master it but I’m working on it. Believe me it takes practice but it’s worth it, every time you’ve paused and realize it works!

Instead of fast forwarding try the pause button and see how life changing just pausing really is!

Young at heart

Sophie and me….

I bet you guys didn’t think that I was coming back. Huh? At least not as consistently as every day. Right? For those who have hung around me enough, you know I get excited and get on an exercise plan, start a book, or some other crazy resolution. But here I am day three, to “just write” as some of you have encouraged me to do. And I wanted to say thank you. Whether you stopped by to read and like my ramblings or took the time to comment and inspire. Thank you!!!! I see you and am grateful!

I thought I might continue on the path of finding my child and maybe encourage you guys to go back and find yours. As I shared with you, my summers were magical. For a few weeks every summer my cousin and I would meet up at our grandparents house a few blocks away from Lake Washington, and make our own world’s go away for a little while. Our grandma planned fun outings for us and when we weren’t being entertained by her, we entertained ourselves. at a neighbor’s pool or a walk into the woods or down at the lake or planning a play on the stairs landing that our parents would be the audience to. It doesn’t sound as if it was better than Disneyland, but to us, it was.

Recently my granddaughter, Sophie who is nine. has been spending time at her grandparent’s house, and this time I am the grandma trying to figure out ways to entertain her. She bakes and paints with me and jumps on the trampoline and gardens. And we take daily trips to the community pool. And I am transported back to those days playing mermaid with my cousin. Over the last couple years, she has forgone water wings and hanging on to me for dear life, and not putting her face in the water, to swimming to the bottom of the pool. She still holds her nose when going under and we are working on that but for the most part I’m not the grandma teaching her how to swim any longer but I am transported back to my nine year old self playing with my cousin again. But this time she is my granddaughter!

Funny how kids can bring out the kid in you and I am grateful. Recently I taught her a trick I did as a kid, hanging our legs over the edge of the pool and leaning upside down, going underwater backwards, until our back touches the wall of the pool. I was surprised how fast she learned. We must look like quite a sight – as she asks to keep doing it. Because I have to remember, it actually isn’t two nine year olds hanging from the side of the pool but a nine year old and her old grandma! 😀

One word after the other

just let go and believe in the process

I have decided to take your advice… those of you who told me just write everyday whether you feel inspired or blocked. Just do it! So I hope you guys don’t get tired of me but here I go….

Think back when you were a kid. You had the whole world to look forward to. Every day was new and ready to be filled with memories we didn’t even know we were making. I remember summers with my cousin. She told me that I turned everything into an adventure. I love that. I remember that feeling. I had a pretty great imagination and she was a willing member in my audience. Those summers were magical. Our grandma’s backyard was our world and as we grew older we were allowed to walk to the store and sometimes during those walks, we’d sneak to the lake that was just a few blocks away. We made up stories of what the abandoned buildings might have been. Or maybe I told her my versions and she hung on to every word. I think that is when I really began writing. I’d make an empty building into an old boarding school for girls and describe their lives there. Or an old boarded up house on the corner haunted. And of course our grandparent’s basement was a resting place for some old limb or other body part that would come alive as we screamed running up the stairs!

If only I could find that imagination again. That part of me that kept us entertained all summer long! like putting one foot in front of the other, it is really just writing one word after the other until it turns into an adventure to find that story teller in me again!

Thank you for inspiring me to remember the magic.

The first step to getting somewhere is not staying where you are!

After being MIA from here for about a year, I posted a pretty dismal sounding, “feeling sorry for myself” STUCK kind of post. I guess that over the years I’ve branded myself as always ending with a positive twist. Instead I told you guys, “I got nothing.” And I was blessed with my sweet friends popping back into my life. That loyal handful who never fail me. Better really than a thousand! Because I know that they really read my words. As writers you guys understand what I am talking about. We are a small village that have connected over words. And when someone reads ours. It means more than just about anything when it comes to being a writer.

So as the comments came in, I was inspired to become unstuck. And these images began appearing in my head. And I “got something!” I realized that no matter where you are, being stuck can be an opportunity to change your attitude and find the blessings in everything. Even a puddle of mud! Which has kinda been my metaphor for my life lately. But I promise I’m back! Because I really needed you guys!

Thank you for the reinforcements!

They said she couldn’t so she did.

My work space where I create!

My work tools that help me create!

My card creations in a rack at Sugarplum Festivals in Buena Park CA coming to you in August!

My creations that come from that sewing machine pictured above!

No one really has ever said I couldn’t except me, to myself. I start out with a dream like writing a book or setting a goal and something seems to always get in the way. Life circumstances, finances, setbacks, me needed in other places. And it never seems to happen for me. But I realize it’s really me getting in my own way. I just need to step in it! With both feet. I spend days trying to get organized and have tried to figure out why I’m so stuck. I feel I’ve stepped in it and really and truly can’t pull out. I make one doll at a time, draw one picture at a time.

When I met my husband, he helped me publish a little children’s book. My stepdad helped me finance it, we had to buy 2000 copies, so does that count? I mean we kind of published our own book. But I did write and illustrate it and put it in production, so I made it happen. But I was a lot younger then. That was over 20 years ago and I only have a handful left so I guess it was basically a success and we sold enough to make it profitable, but that also was a few at a time over a couple of decades.

I watch my daughter take an idea and create a successful business and brand and watch her grow it. I never doubt that she can take nothing and make it into something great. And know that whoever invests in helping her won’t be sorry. She has educated herself by researching and developing everything she wants to learn about. I just sit in awe and don’t worry about her at all. In my head, she’s already succeeded.

Her next goal is to open up a bakery and she has been blessed with backers and is on her way to her next dream. I’m so proud. In a way she is my success. You always want more for your children and she is confident and I think I had something to do with that. So why can’t I be?

I usually have a twist where at the end, I have an enlightening “Ah Ha” message. Sorry folks, I got nothing. I might have to get a job.

I could barely remember how to log in!!!

Well, I’m really going to know who my real reader friends are. I can’t believe it has been this long since I’ve signed on. I feel like a really BAD friend. But in a way I feel like Dorothy, when she said “There’s no place like home.” Ya know? There’s just something comforting about WordPress and my friends here. My only defense is that I can’t respond or even LIKE on my phone. So though I may read your posts, unless I actually sit down in front of my laptop, I can’t connect with anyone, to say how I agree or was touched by something. But that just sounds lazy.

Another lame excuse is this darn writer’s block. I was so overwhelmed with life that I finally had to make an appointment with my doctor and after boasting to our insurance agent, that “no I wasn’t on any prescriptions.” That changed quickly as I was rushed to the hospital with a nose bleed that wouldn’t stop and a blood pressure of over 200/130 give or take a little. So now I’m on a few. Hummph! Blood pressure and antacid and for anxiety. I won’t bore you with the stories I couldn’t even make up if I tried of what’s been going on in my life, but then again that’s why I am on a little anti anxiety pill that I fought to not be on. But you know what? Besides a little writer’s block, it has really been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!

I think before I say things, and catch myself a lot more now. Thinking… Do I really need to say that? Or is this or that necessary? My mom used to say “before you say something, you know might not go over well, ask yourself, do I really want to die on that hill?” Basically meaning to choose your battles. And it really is freeing. Not to say I’m not annoyed, but not quiet as easily.

I don’t have to jump in to every conversation and relate to their experience. I can just listen and learn more about the person talking and not have to be a part of everyone else’s stories. I’m chuckling a little because I do sound as if I was quite annoying now, don’t I? But seriously. I wish I’d been a little more willing to admit that I really was depressed and just didn’t like myself. And now I really kinda do! And that also is feeing.

Maybe I just needed to sit down in front of this old keyboard and make myself start writing, to get rid of the idea that I I have writer’s block. It’s a bit like making yourself exercise. I guess I’m going through a teensie metamorphosis as I shake off my wings and try to fly again.