Soooo remember that song that I was trying to write the lyrics to? A while back a musician friend of mine, Jim
wrote a melody, indicating that he was inspired by the chapters from my book (Pieces of the circle) that I am writing and shared some chapters here. He titled the piece Finding Diane and basically told me that it might be therapy for me to come up with the words. HOW long has it taken me?
I think we started in February. I must say that it has been quite a project. If you have followed me at all… you may have gone to my friend Jim’s archives (above) and listened to the melody. It is epic! I have come up with several lines via original poems that I have posted here separately. I wanted to see how it flowed if I put them all together. So that is what I have done here today. The cadence is off a bit in a few areas because they were written as separate poems, but it surprised me just how well 3 separate individual attempts seemed to all flow together. I have left out the pictures which have sort of become my trademark to enhance the words I write. (Though if you want to read them with pictures they are listed all separately in my archives.) Though the poems do sound better separately, it surprised me how they worked together.
Anyway, I don’t expect him to finish our song anytime soon since he is a teacher and has other projects going but he was right. It was therapy and so I title this Finding Diane. If nothing else… the title is coming true!
The song will not require as many lines as are here (way more than he needs) he will need to cut out words here and there and only take the lines that will work… but at least I have given him something to play with for now. I finally feel found!
Well maybe one picture…..
I hear a song and my heart flies away,
I want to snatch it back for it’s gone to yesterday.
The melody wraps around my heart,
though in my head I keep playing the part.
No one can know the pain that I feel,
over a fantasy now, that seems unreal.
And so I pretend that nothing is wrong,
as I try to block out the tune in our song.
But the melody lingers as I push replay,
and wander back into my heart still there, in yesterday.
I dance in the flames as I fall into step
trying to miss the places that made you upset.
The memories make me jump higher and higher,
I feel the sting as I dance past the fire.
The tears bring back the pain that I’d put away,
spinning back into the melody of yesterday.
Like a butterfly trapped, still inside its cocoon,
I dance through my mind running from each room.
As I close the door, where you live in my mind,
I find the part of me that I left behind.
Just like a jewelry box dancer trapped in a box
my heart is inside with the key and its lock.
I had to come back to this place, always heard whispering in my ear…
Oh little girl, somehow I knew I’d still find you here.
Among the memories waiting, wondering if I was coming back
to find the child I left long ago forgotten in my past.
I gather you up and hold you close as we walk through the rooms of our soul,
pieces of you and me once broken, healing and becoming whole.
Looking inside from the child within, I see all the pain you must feel.
Knowing that we must tend to each wound before we truly begin to heal.
We walk through the lonely places that once held our yesterdays
Oh how I wished I’d protected you in so many different ways.
And yet I know that through the hurting, we’ve gained strength in what we’ve learned.
In all the lessons remembered, in all the times once burned,
in every tear we ever cried, and every broken heart,
in every time we were in a crowd, and felt a million miles apart.
we built the walls around our heart and “they” never saw us cry.
We learned that fighting to survive was what we had to do
and so I lost the biggest part of me the day when I lost you.
It’s hard to face the ugly truth and really look inside,
to know I left you all alone, living with the hurts and lies.
You were the child inside of me and I failed you the most,
in the mistakes I made along the way, in the different paths I chose.
But I’ve come back to find you, to finally bring you home.
So that together we can learn to live and never be alone!
I want to find the kid inside, and heal the pain we knew.
I want to learn to love the me, that I forgot to love in you!
And so as I pack up all your things, I have hope in what will be…
As I learn to love you more…
Cuzzzz after all you’re ME!
(Hey and Jim try to look past the punctuation errors! LOL)