To Not Miss The Thermals Along The Way!


airline tickets

 When I was little, my dad would send us to Seattle every year to visit our family. It was a promise he made to my mom (to send us there every year) when he moved us away from there when I was very young. A promise that he kept as long as he was alive. I cherished those summers. And then I grew up and for some reason life got in the way and those trips just stopped. For me at least. I had better things to do. Or so I thought. I’d give anything to have those carefree summers back. I think I miss my grandma and my cousin most of all this time of year. That HIGH of seeing each other after a whole  year was the extreme feeling of love. That feeling of really feeling excited to see each other. The best feeling ever!

little girls playing2

Today, I work through my summers. The other day I mentioned to my boss (also a good friend) “Just you watch, this week will be over and I will be saying can you believe it’s Friday AGAIN?!” And Friday I asked; “Remember what I said about Fridays?”  It kind of scares me how fast life is passing me by. It seems as if only yesterday, falling in love was just something to look forward to. I hadn’t even kissed a boy yet, didn’t know where I’d end up living, if I’d have kids or who’d they be. OR for that matter, WHO I’d be!  Everything was all tucked inside my imagination. And now I know as if there is nothing left for me to look forward to. Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of it all whirling past me so fast that the dread of it all being over has me missing “life” as it is happening.

woman writing at keyboard

I used to fly sail planes! Believe it or not. It was kind of a fluke. It was another summer in my life, We’d just hopped on my boyfriend’s motorcycle on a beautiful Saturday afternoon starting out to just take a ride along the cliffs of Palos Verdes and ran into these radio controlled sailplanes and ended up driving all the way to Lake Elsinore to see the real things. Before I knew it we were signed up and taking lessons! I remember my instructor, he was from Scotland, His name was Glen, he’d always greet me with “Top of the morning to ya!” We’d had a T-shirt made for him with that on it when I’d completed my course and began soloing! Can you believe it? I actually soloed. I think it is one of the accomplishments in my life that I am most proud of. motorcycle2 Being able to solo entailed a lot. You needed to know all the technical things as well as understand the way thermals worked and how to share one with another plane, how to be aware of the traffic in the sky etc.. Though my boyfriend soloed before me, I soloed with less trips up or lessons. I think Glen kind of just wanted me to beat my boyfriend who was very competitive. So I proudly raced my way to winning something out of our race! I will never forget that plexiglass dome coming down over me without Glen in the seat behind me! I just kept eyeing that red knob that I was supposed to pull at a certain altitude.

tow plane

I watched as the power plane pulled me up, and as it hit a little turbulence, I knew I’d hit it a few seconds later. There was a kind of comfort in that tow plane and the turbulence and knowing what was in store.. but finally as we rose to the correct altitude,  the power plane wiggled it’s tail, the sign for me to release! Yikes! I pulled the red knob and watched the power plane flip a U and go back down to pick up his next tow, as this total feeling of dread and exhilaration  filled me. My boyfriend was filming the whole scene below. I found the landing pattern, looked for other air traffic, eyed the chalk line I was supposed to land on, checked my instruments and remembered all the instructions, “Remember your wing span, don’t waver too much or you’ll clip your wing.” I remembered hearing Glen say as he patted my fuselage. Seriously? Did I really need to know that? You better believe it. Eventually, I learned to find thermals and enjoy the ride like I did when Glen was up there with me, instead of just being pulled up only to focus on landing and nothing else! After several solos and some other interesting stories I could tell, I look back on those days fondly but wonder…“Were you crazy Diane?!” (The things we do when we are young!) And yet, it is kind of like life. We need to pull the red knob sometimes and fly over the unexpected turbulence without any forewarning. To adjust and land. To always land. Yes life is like that, summers come and go, weeks speed by, but we need to stop worrying about pulling that red knob and enjoy the trip both up and down and have faith in our ability to land but to not miss the thermals along the way! Because it actually is about how long you can stay up, catching those thermals and not worrying about the turbulence or always landing so fast!

*Post Note (A friend asked me to write about my Glider days… so I did… >>>>By the way…. This one’s for you: Paywindow7 (Bob) Now you need to write another!) https://paywindow7.wordpress.com/

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A Sunrise From A Different View


I have been so focused on the past and wishing things for the future that I have not stopped to be in the present. I already know that this is a big problem with me. But lately, I have really gone to God with it. To prick my writer’s heart and fill it with things that I can turn into stories that might help others as I learn my own lessons. Today He gifted me with a pretty good one.

I have been writing about the past a lot. And I have really been dreaming about the future… focusing on the somedays when I will have my own writing room,  with a wonderful window that I will write in front of and it will inspire me with it’s wonderful view…etc… you get the “picture.” So I got up today and turned on my computer and pretty much had no inspiration. Nothing at all.  So I prayed an absent minded prayer asking God to give me something. You know the kind of prayer you pray half heartedly, half not expecting an answer?

So as my computer was booting up I decided to open my blinds.  Only to be met with a dirty window ~

With the most amazing sunrise just filling it’s frame!!!!!

And there was my answer. God is amazing! Over the years God has reminded me that HE is there and that He also has a unique sense of humor if I really slow down to SEE it. So I sat there and was immediately inspired to grab a bottle of Windex and tackle the dirty windows head on. So I slipped on my shoes, still in my PJs,  and proceeded to wash the outside of my dirty old window which is not an easy task, I had to walk around to the side of the house in full view of a somewhat busy street even at 6AM, remove the screen, and began cleaning the smudges and to try to figure out which ones were on the inside and which ones were on the outside outside, then when I came back inside, I realized that I still hadn’t gotten all the outside smudges.

Sooo, when I finally thought that I had gotten them all, I sat down to write and AHHHH would  see smudges from a different angle and so then I’d go back outside to try again. As the sun kept rising, I was able to see the smudges from the outside in a totally different perspective and realized that they were on the inside. This went on for about three or four times until I finally realized that I may never get it perfect. That is when it hit me. I knew God had answered my prayer. And it made me realize He is listening!

I smiled as I realized my lesson for today wasn’t at all what I thought was so obvious. God is funny that way. There are always going to be smudges. And you know what? God doesn’t see any of them. He has the biggest bottle of Windex there is! We are crystal clear in HIS sight when it comes to HIM, inside and out! “We” waste so much time seeing all the streaks and spots on ourselves and others all throughout the day that we ruin the gift He gives us. God gave me a beautiful sunrise and I totally missed it by being so critical and only seeing the spots and streaks. That is when it hit me, What else am I missing?

I think it’s kind of amazing how many lessons He gives to us daily and how few we actually GET. I think He really had to work with me on this one. At first I thought that the lesson was that I finally realized that He had given me a sunrise even through my dirty window and that this window was just fine. I didn’t need to waste my time wishing for the future, waiting for my NEW writing room or my NEW writing window and realized that a clean one was good enough. And I also thought that He was showing me how much time I waste being so critical, looking at each defect or problem from all the different angles and worrying and fretting and that I needed to work on the inside and outside and all the different perspectives we need to see things from and that in the end, a lot of the stuff we take on really is unecesarry. Though all those are good to ponder…. The reality was that, THAT wasn’t the true lesson.

I had almost missed the whole thing once again! I am now sitting here writing in front of a pretty darn crystal clean window if I do say so myself, though I still can see a streak here or there… But I know that God sees through a bigger window and HE has a plan. I don’t need to worry about yesterday or tomorrow or what is to come or what isn’t. All I need to do is enjoy the view TODAY! And cleaning a window or two is a good thing, in fact it is okay, just not in the middle of a beautiful sunrise! Duhhhhh!!!

And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

(2 Peter 1:19-21 ESV

Anticipation


I have been on a kick lately. Perhaps if you have been following my blogs, you have seen a pattern… I am stuck in the past. And not just a few years ago… I mean THE PAST! Like back in the Beezus and Ribsy days! When the Flinstones and Jetsons were Syndicated!  Remember?!

I have been peeking through the doors of my childhood and been learning a lot from the  friends or in this case, the chararacters I have left behind. And today I have settled on the likes of Winnie the Pooh. He was a wise little bear! You have got to hear this one… are you ready? He said……

Although Eating Honey is a very good thing to do, there is a moment before you begin to eat it which is better than when you are.

Right???? I mean Ya know? Don’t you think he has happened on something profound here? Don’t you just love it? Do you not know the moment he is talking about? The time looking forward to things is the most amazing time. Looking forward to a vacation or seeing someone who you haven’t seen in forever or  surprising someone you love with a gift they really wanted, or that perfect moment before a first kiss, and yes, simply just  the moment before you taste the honey.

We need to savor the moments. If we could capture them and bottle them up and sell the feeling, we would be rich. Or we could just take s moment to enjoy the anticipation of what comes next and realize that getting there is an amazing part of our journey!

Hole Fillers


We all have “containers” in life and we all find different ways to fill them. The idea is to fill them with purpose. Things that make our life better. As we fill our containers, the level rises. Just educating ourselves about ourselves begins to plug up those holes that we have made over the years. Some people use people, others use drugs or alcohol or food to fill the holes and what hurts us usually only helps to make our holes bigger.

Spiritual and emotional growth and a whole host of other goals  are all the things that help  fill the holes and raise the level in our containers. It has taken me years to recognize the good and the bad things I use in my own life to raise the level and the task at hand is becoming more aware of the difference which is a work in progress. I know that for me, writing is a huge hole filler.

My book is sitting in a file just a “click” away and I am totally procrastinating by coming here to share my thoughts. I look at it as priming the pump, or perhaps stretching before  a  workout! But I know I need to get back to it. Why am I stuck? Could it be because, I am afraid to finish? If I finished, I would have to submit it. If I submit it, I am vulnerable. I can’t be rejected if I don’t present the question for someone to say yes or no.

Recently, I have been taking more chances in my life. The kind of chances that come with the possibility of rejection attached. Sometimes it has paid off and at other times I have had to face that vulnerability and it has sucked. Rejection is not the most comfortable place to be. But hey “no” is just a tiny word from a little person in my BIG world. I can make that rejection fill my world and make it bigger than it needs to be or I can brush my shoes off and move on to the next possibility and even bigger opportunity.  Sometimes I have forgotten that God is the captain of my ship. And I am the one He has put in charge of His vessel and have to remember NO ONE else is in charge here. No one! I can get opinions from other people until I am drowning in them but ultimately, in the end, I know that I am the one who steers this ship.

I have waited long enough for others to make things happen for me. In turn, I have found myself “stuck.” Only I can make things happen for me. The opportunities aren’t going to come and find me. I am going to believe in me enough to finish that book, to submit it and get a thousand rejections if it will get me to that one finish line where I actually finish the race.

It is always hard to take that first step… Go back to school, apply for a new job, start a new health regimen, or just a new attitude! And perhaps finish a book you have been writing for years! We have power in our own choices. We fill our own containers. We even fill the holes as we figure out what they are, until someday…. Our containers are spilling over!

Facebook; The Click of a Key Rocked MY World!


My first love found me on facebook. We had a rocky break up but lets face it you never forget your first. He was the first one who asked me to marry him. The first one that I really loved back. The first one who I cared what he thought. My very first everything. We were both young and terribly naive. We let pride and other people play us like game pieces on a board.

Our past hurts from childhood and life such as it was in the few years we had lived it, controlled our destiny. There was abuse and no matter how much I excuse it now as I understand my first love’s own childhood hurts, the things that happened mattered and they positioned me in my life for my future and my way of loving. I built walls where there shouldn’t have been and never let go in exactly the same way.

When I became a mother I was not prepared for the love I felt. It was like no other and yet I feel I didn’t really grasp motherhood fully until I had my daughter seven years later. Before I had her, I wasn’t sure that I could ever love anyone as much as I loved my son but other mothers were right… your heart finds room.
And with my daughter, my heart did not have to make much of an effort to make room for her. From the beginning we just seemed to “get” each other. For the first time, since that wall went up, I felt the wall finally coming down.

At different times in my life, pieces of the wall were able to at least be moved but it stood strong most of the other times. So you can imagine my surprise when I accepted my exe’s friend request and finally felt that wall come tumbling down. In the click of a key we were transported back to our youth. And I stood at a door that I viewed as an opportunity to a kind of a “Do Over.”  Or adventures to be had in the midst of a full fledged mid life crisis. WARNING: You can’t ever go back. There are no such things as DO OVERS.

Am I sorry I clicked the key? You might think that I should yell from the mountain tops a resounding YES!!! But in a way, I guess I have to say that nothing ventured, nothing gained….If I hadn’t taken the time to walk down the path of my past, I may never have been able to see the beauty when looking down the path of my future or just being able to appreciate how lovely the present truly can be.