I could barely remember how to log in!!!

Well, I’m really going to know who my real reader friends are. I can’t believe it has been this long since I’ve signed on. I feel like a really BAD friend. But in a way I feel like Dorothy, when she said “There’s no place like home.” Ya know? There’s just something comforting about WordPress and my friends here. My only defense is that I can’t respond or even LIKE on my phone. So though I may read your posts, unless I actually sit down in front of my laptop, I can’t connect with anyone, to say how I agree or was touched by something. But that just sounds lazy.

Another lame excuse is this darn writer’s block. I was so overwhelmed with life that I finally had to make an appointment with my doctor and after boasting to our insurance agent, that “no I wasn’t on any prescriptions.” That changed quickly as I was rushed to the hospital with a nose bleed that wouldn’t stop and a blood pressure of over 200/130 give or take a little. So now I’m on a few. Hummph! Blood pressure and antacid and for anxiety. I won’t bore you with the stories I couldn’t even make up if I tried of what’s been going on in my life, but then again that’s why I am on a little anti anxiety pill that I fought to not be on. But you know what? Besides a little writer’s block, it has really been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!

I think before I say things, and catch myself a lot more now. Thinking… Do I really need to say that? Or is this or that necessary? My mom used to say “before you say something, you know might not go over well, ask yourself, do I really want to die on that hill?” Basically meaning to choose your battles. And it really is freeing. Not to say I’m not annoyed, but not quiet as easily.

I don’t have to jump in to every conversation and relate to their experience. I can just listen and learn more about the person talking and not have to be a part of everyone else’s stories. I’m chuckling a little because I do sound as if I was quite annoying now, don’t I? But seriously. I wish I’d been a little more willing to admit that I really was depressed and just didn’t like myself. And now I really kinda do! And that also is feeing.

Maybe I just needed to sit down in front of this old keyboard and make myself start writing, to get rid of the idea that I I have writer’s block. It’s a bit like making yourself exercise. I guess I’m going through a teensie metamorphosis as I shake off my wings and try to fly again.

Those rooms inside my head

I wander through the rooms I carry with me in my head,

they go with me where I go, it mostly just depends.

There are rooms that I’ve abandonded and barely go inside

and others where I’m there a lot, and others where I hide.

There are some I  leave wide open where anyone may go,

 some I lock up tight, and would rather no one go in those.

There are some that are neat and tidy and some that are a mess,

there are some where I’m creative, I love those, I think the best!

I wander through those rooms when I’m trying to fall asleep

the rooms in my past when I’m praying my soul to keep

They’re comforting to walk through when I’m lying in my bed

those rooms that I wander through that live inside my head!