SHOUTING to be heard

My daughter gave me a book last Christmas that I have been reading and re-reading this past year, called; You Are A Writer (so start ACTING like one) by Jeff Goins. And something he said really resonated with me; He shared an example of how every Sunday for the past 150 years Londoners have assembled in a corner of  Hyde Park as a place to share their views on anything from politics and religion and everything else in-between. Standing on a stage where they’d get up to speak and shout their views into the crowd. He goes on to say that today the Internet is our Hyde Park and the stage belongs to everyone from artists to entrepreneurs and yes, writers. And how it is important to not have to shout above the crowd but make your own platform where your loyal readers know that they can find you week after week.

Always loving a good  metaphor, he gave a perfect one that really  made me think! He shares about receiving a newspaper that he didn’t ask for that lands daily at the end of his driveway. It gets rained on and never read and always thrown away. though he realizes that the editors and writers probably put a lot of work in writing and editing and distributing it, he doesn’t care and didn’t ask for it. That made me think. A lot of us write our blogs hoping that it doesn’t land unwanted, on that reader’s driveway, that we have   earned a platform on their page and have an unspoken permission to show up on our followers doorstep when we do.

I actually got up today, intending to post this, when I got caught up with my previous post that I just posted. It is different than a lot of my posts, but for some reason I wanted to write about it. Not that I usually expect someone to read two posts in a row. As I never would want to be just another annoying metaphorical rolled up newspaper that’s  ended up at  the end of one of my reader’s driveways. I feel that it is important to recognize that you really must earn the space that make people actually read. Like the Hyde Park gathering where the crowd hushes to listen. To feel heard is an amazing feeling but also an honor.

I have some pretty loyal readers, no matter if I even answer back, they are always faithfully there reading. Not even a lot of my family members  do that! LOL. I know that some still have the mentality that if I read theirs, they will read mine and if I get busy, I can tell it is a give and take with a lot of other writers. And I understand. I just can’t read everything I follow and only try to follow those I know that I will read.  And love the new writers that I am getting to know and look forward to their posts. Sometimes I will spend a day off wandering through posts that I have missed. I just know that I never want to feel that I have to shout to be heard and that  I’d rather be one of those  newspapers that my readers are waiting for and not one of those soggy old unwanted ones!

I See The Light!

I have recently realized that light is very important to me. I remember visiting my cousin in Seattle several years ago. It was funny, as kids I was always the leader. Being two years older, I decided the adventures and she was my little follower. My soldier of one, following my instructions. In this particular visit we were adults and somehow I feel that she took the lead. I was visiting her and her home.  I admire her so much for taking a life that didn’t start out with a lot of the things I took for granted and worked hard to create a pretty great life.

During that visit, she worked as a Marketing Executive at a trendy Company which she took me to tour. I was so impressed. When we got to her office I noticed that she had a light on her desk that she described as a SAD light for those that had a  light deficiency (Seasonal affective disorder) and went on to explain, that a lot of Seattle based people seemed to have. I laughed thinking that she was joking about the weather and she got a little miffed at me. “It is a very real thing!” She’d informed me. And you know what? I get it now.

Today as I sat down in my office, pre-dawn, I turned on the overhead light and then quickly turned it off and turned on a floor lamp. And I would rather have the entry way light off and a near by lamp on. And it made me think… maybe there is something to this light thing. I know that there is a certain time of day that I love. When the light hits just right.

And lighting that just makes me uncomfortable. Weird? Maybe. And not really relative to a cloudy day.

But I am beginning to notice what makes me happy. As daylight Saving time approaches I am already noticing the mood changes around me and believe that those people in Seattle might have something.

Some people can tell it’s going to rain by their knee hurting… sometimes it is another part of their body that hurts… 

My Happy Project & A little Konmari!

I promised to come back and report on my happiness project. I always hate to announce publicly any new resolutions I take on because I know people will be watching and yet I feel the need to put it out there to make myself accountable. I have really been trying to notice what makes me happy and trying to be less negative. Though this election makes it a little hard not to feel negative or a little scared. But not going there today!

I will say that I’ve realized that though I had a pretty good childhood and great parents and so on, I have kind of come from a negative family. A little judgmental and gossipy and jumping to seeing the negative. I’ve noticed it more and more in talking to certain people and I know it has rubbed off on me.

I will go for a visit and return with a little more evidence that my theory is not so “off.” And so the question is… can you really teach an old dog new tricks? (Me being the dog.) Can I break the cycle? Is it too late? I am determined to!

I have always given the benefit of the doubt to certain people in my life knowing that they came from a pretty horrible background or childhood. But it is different when it is more subtle and you realize in your fifties that there were some things pretty off. Even if you were loved and adored and cared for as a child, the messages we learn are a little like a frog sitting in a tepid pot of water as it eventually begins to boil.

I am turning off the heat and jumping out! Just watch me! I am going to be aware of my negativity and stop it. It may take a lifetime. After all a half a century of learned behavior is cemented in there, but I have my chisel and I intend to carve out the happy in me! One chunk at a time!

My daughter has recently gotten into Konmari (Google it if you haven’t heard of it.) It is a way of organizing, asking if an item brings you joy, if it doesn’t you thank it and toss it. Lol. She admits that I had the same ideas when she was a kid cleaning her room. (Take all the trash first, and then the papers, books, clothes, toys, etc.) I didn’t think of the joy and thanking each item… in her room that would have taken a month! LOL. But I find it hilarious that she is into this AFTER she moved out!

 My baby… she does everything with a passion! (love the one sock off!)

But I love that she is and I am so proud of her! (She does EVERYTHING with a passion!) She inspired me! And after 20 huge yard sized bags, I have donated to our church’s rummage sale, I love my empty and organized closet! And have moved on to our garage with my husband. Spending my last day off clearing half of my side of the garage!

 messy closet,  pile on bed,  empty closet, clean closet, cleaned off bed,  bags to donate!

Why I’m sharing this is… metaphoric of course… in the physical sense it is freeing to let go. And in the spiritual sense it is mentally healthy to release that closet full of metaphoric junk I’ve piled high for all these years!

I urge everyone reading this to take each thing you are holding onto and look back in your life and remember where once it came and ask if it brings you joy and if it doesn’t… toss it onto the pile and let it go!

Wiping Away That Heart On My Sleeve

I’ve been told I wear my heart on my sleeve. My what? Where?! Yikes! What’s it doing there?? I do. I know. I always have. I used to think that it was a good thing. I mean what you see is what you get. Right?

But seriously, as I get older, I am beginning to understand why that might not be the greatest idea anymore. Sometimes you have more power  when not everyone know what you are thinking and God forbid that you are so honest to let everyone know your feelings.

I heard someone say that they get up everyday and just decide to be happy. To find the joy in everything. Even the bad stuff. It kind of gets me excited to believe that is even possible. Heck, I can just at least try it. Okay sooo I will report back tomorrow and meet you here to tell you how it went!

Who Am I To Stand In The Way Of Anyone Else’s Grace?

It really is easier

to make it all someone else’s fault.

To be so indignant and load the blame somewhere else.

To get lost in the anger and pain and to go back and forth

never quite figuring any of it out.

I just can’t understand  why it is so hard to just forget…

and get caught up in not knowing where to go with all these feelings.

I have filled my pages with words that sit in archives

not knowing where they belong.

Just storing them and forgetting that they are there

and then re-finding them again.

But when I started this thought and re-found it…

It just was too good to not finish it…

I have been told by someone I care about…

who is the source of a lot of my pain

 that they are falling back on God’s grace.

And I think…

I give up.

 I really need to just let go…

For who am I?

I mean really, who am I…

to stand in the way of anyone else’s  grace?

diane reed

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