Hi you guys! I know I haven’t been here for a while. I’m thinking it’s because when I come on here, I am in a state of accountability and reflection and recently I have just wanted to run away. Between the virus and politics and everything that comes along with it, I have been trying to make sense of what everyone else is saying and what I am thinking. I’m also feeling stuck in a place in my life where I don’t feel I have a lot of control. And frankly I know that other’s have it much worse than me and my own circumstances and I am blessed more than many, but you know when you’re a kid, you feel that you have your whole life ahead of you and even as a kid you kind of know that you can change things. But there have been times when I’ve felt so overwhelmed, wondering… Is this really as good as it gets? What if this is it? I mean, if the world continues to be so self centered and grace and kindness are replaced with greed and hate and anger?
I’ve survived deaths of people that meant everything to me. divorce, earthquakes, loss, miscarriages, and some pretty devastating things that have caused me to be who I am. But I can’t make that statement without saying, I have experienced great joy in the birth of two healthy kids, and grandkids, I’ve fallen in love a few times, and have a husband who really, really, loves me and puts up with a hell of a lot. For the most part we all have our health, I survived a horrendous accident recently that should have killed me. I know God put His Angels around me that night, as well as an off duty policeman who was my witness. And that alone should have made me “snap out of it.” And it did, for a few weeks. But the part that a drunk driver totaled my car and almost killed me, got to me and it the anger took over. I guess I could have thought, it was good he ran into me instead of killing someone else, because he was raging drunk and it could have been much worse for someone else.
I have good friends, relatively good health (for my age) and kids are resourceful and can figure things out if they need to. I know that politics, and covid has thrown us all for a loop and my living circumstances hasn’t been ideal. But we own our own home and cars, and live in a nice lakeside area. And I know I am basically blessed. Recently I have been listening to one of my favorite authors, a Karen Kingsbury’s series and it is basically like going to church as I get through it. And to be honest, the only church I have tuned into for a while now. But the way she writes makes you feel as if God really can speak to you in words that are not just in your head. She has touched on 911 and it’s devastation in a very personal way that makes you feel as if you are living it with the characters in her book. And it’s made me think about just how fast things can change. In my 6 decades here, I know that first hand. But it’s a good reminder.
I’m constantly telling people younger than me, THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS! And I know that I need to realize that for myself. Every day… we walk out that door to face our day, there is no guarantee that we will return. We are blessed, each time we wake up and breathe our first breath of air, are able to stand, to hear, and see and walk, to smell and taste and drive. And… at the end of the day, to walk back in that door!
How many times are we impatient with our phone or computer when three decades ago, a cordless phone was still a luxury item, and facebook wasn’t even thought of nor was it’s creator barely out of 2nd grade? We are all pretty spoiled, impatient, easily offended, judgmental, opinionated human beings and I’m one of them. Every natural disaster or health crisis is a reminder (for me at least) that I am blessed. And I need to snap out of it. But it’s easier said than done. I can continue to write these enlightened posts and never change things or put my money where my mouth is and commit to changing! But it’s easier said than done. How does one truly begin to live in Joy? I guess, I am inviting you to join me. I am going to find out! This is going to be a series on me figuring out how to find the Joy!