I’ve always loved this picture! I have the print hanging in my livingroom. And so I share it here, as it inspires my post today…

There is another me… somewhere deep down inside of me. Someone who finds the words to write, but can’t always live up to them. She is the one who can’t stop the tears when she hears a song that reminds her of the ONE who never lets go… She is the one who is ashamed of every moment that she has failed HIM and the one who believes that HE will forgive her. She is the one who believes in the promises that she makes to HIM. And the one who is down on her knees again and again trying to get it right.

And then there is the me, stubborn and bitter, selfish and cruel and resentful of all the things in life that make it so hard to live up to the one inside who tries to be overwhelmed by grace. She is the one who remembers every wrong done to her, every word in every fight, every moment from years and years and years ago. The mistakes made by my parents, past friendships let go, broken relationships, loves gone wrong. Past pains, recent pains, I store them all up and store them in a place that keeps me stuck.

But the one inside, the one who knows better, the one constantly on her knees, prays for the me, the one who can’t forgive, the one who has built the walls, and tries to find me in whatever stuck place I am. She climbs the wall and reaches to help me over. I stand and I hesitantly take her hand but I am still weak, I can’t make it over with all my burdens and so she tells me to let go and I can’t. I become stuck. But she still keeps holding on and I begin to let go and get stronger and finally she pulls me over. And we are there together on the other side!

The other side is better… Not free from pain or life’s burdens but closer to the ONE who never lets go. And free from the past and the burdens that I have kept with me. Suddenly I am lighter and happier and able to live without the burden of always carrying everything with me. Today I decide to live in just today. And now I am on the other side, on my knees. And somehow it has become just me.

Someone who breathed in her babies and knew she should memorize the moments, kissed the boo boos and told them about Jesus and prays for all their dreams. She is the one whose heart broke when she lost the babies she did, and the dreams she had for them… She is the same one who believed in the vows that she breathed on the days she said them, the one who has made a thousand mistakes and will make a thousand more but she is all of me in one, the other me, the me on my knees.

 

Throwback Thursday… from my archives, before you knew me! I am starting to go back into where I was a few years ago and re-work some of the old thoughts I had. It is revealing to see how God really does answer prayer!

 

 

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30 thoughts on “Just Me

  1. This is so poignant and beautiful. I had so many “just me” moments this week (good, bad, and ugly ones), and I’m forever grateful for the change that can occur,even day to day, when we let our Father into our hearts. I’m happy that even when I’m not in the best place, I can still look back and see how much I’ve grown. Thankful for His grace!

    1. And thank you for sharing! You are a thousand steps ahead of where I was at your age. Already a teacher! May today be so special for your family! Happy Easter

  2. Every picture tells a story and this tells a full length novel …it’s beautiful . You are right to go back and see what the old you looks like …it reveals so much about us .
    Cherryx

    1. Cherry
      Thank you for taking the time to read and share here. I love your insights! I’ve been trying to come back to respond here and am just making it back now. Thank you again. Happy Easter💖

  3. Sometimes it’s good to look back into the archives of life to see, once again, what you were thinking and saying back then, Di. Maybe to see how much you’ve grown ??? 🙂

      1. I’m doing ok, Di. A lot going on but I won’t bore you with a lot of details. It starts with the usual springtime work, some medical, family !!!, updating the house, and a list as long as my arm…..
        All in all, I’m healthy, exasperated at times, but moderately happy, but anyone who knows me really well knows I’m typical type A and nothing short of perfection (or as close as I can get) is satisfactory…., always searching for the perfect dream. Maybe someday……. How about you? You’ve been busy, I know, but also mysteriously quiet. Be https://widgets.wp.com/notifications/1798814191#good to yourself 🙂 Hugs for thinking of me !

  4. Wow, you just wrote the story of my life with this one! I’m always struggling to get it right! Thanks for sharing this. I needed to know that others struggle like this tonight. Hugs, N 🙂 ❤

    1. Wow, wow, wow! Natalie,
      I can’t begin to explain what an encourager you are to me. Once again I am humbled to think that anything that I could write would help your strong faith because YOU always inspire me when ever I read YOUR words!
      xoxo

  5. My former pastor’s wife had that print hanging and I have always loved and identified with it. To me, it is a beautiful depiction of the anguish we stometimes feel coming toe-to-toe with the faith and divinity of Christ. I really like this post – you remind me so much of myself, it’s scary! I truly enjoy your writings – they inspire me more than you know! 😉

    1. Tina,
      I am honored!! To be a little bit like you or for you to identify with me, humbles me! I love your writing too! Thank you. You have no idea how reading your words inspires me!
      💖

  6. The “Hidden Woman of the Heart”…the Bible refers to this as the “hidden man of the heart” and sometimes as the “inner man”.

    I really appreciate you sharing this. It comforts me, because it reminds me that I am not the only one who looks st it like this…like what you described. ❤

    Blessings,
    Theresa

    1. Theresa,
      I always love your perspective! A couple of years ago when I was at a shower given by church ladies, I wasn’t necessarily referring to the ones whose house it was, but the whole crowd there. And shared that I always felt that I was “faking it” when I went to these things and the friend who I was talking to, leaned in and said, ” I hate to tell you Diane, but we’re ALL faking it!”
      Not that we weren’t all truly believers – just perhaps not totally present in the moments we felt possibly judged. And I loved it cuz it made me realize we are all the same. Just some of us are more honest about it than others! 😉

  7. This is a precious view at the awakening of Spirit in your life. Reading it a realization comes to mind that life begins with the first breath and ends with the last , and all the moments in between are woven into the heart as a tapestry of life …

  8. Simply beautiful post. True we all have this inner child deep within, it is how we deal with things along our journey that determines if and when this inner child grows to its full potential. I have a similiar post also, keep writing my friend.
    ” when we stay true to who we are, our inner child will grow strong within us and to its full potential” .

    1. BC
      So funny, I wrote this one the year after I started this blog and I think it is truer today more than it was back then. So you are right my friend. Thank you for always having amazing insight!

      1. your very welcome my friend, thank you for the kind words.
        I have a blog post in the archives called, “life is like a box of chocolates”, its a good read if you havent already?

  9. Wow! That picture is fabulous and so are you! You are still all of those things my friend. But you have learned to rise above and encompass all aspects of you which has strengthened you. Peace to you my friend and Happy Easter! xoxo

    1. Kimberly,
      There is a song by Jaci Velasquez (When I’m on my knees) that my friend played for me at a going away party when she gifted me the framed print and told me she’d miss her prayer partner. It is very special to me. You should listen to the song. It blesses me each time! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.💖

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